Glowing yearnings

DB; in the back of the cafe, close to each other. We are talking. Suddenly T. places a little cigar on the table, next to my cappucino.
"I like my cigars extra blended , I wanna smell you and taste you. I give you ten minutes mo, you can go to the toilet."
i look at Him, somewhat dazzled, as if i don't believe it.
"Ehm, do You mean the way Clinton liked his cigars, the Lewinsky style?"
He smiles at me. "I know you'll do it, mo."
We continue our conversation and i try to ignore the cigar. After about 8 minutes T. brings up that time is running out, i don't have much time left.
"And if i don't do it, what will happen then?" i look at Him in a provoking way.
"you'll see mo."
i already experienced the inventiveness of T. and also the fact that being around other people doesn't seem to restrain Him. As i see the look in His eyes, i don't wanna take the risk. Giggling i pick up the cigar and go to the toilet. And oh yes, do not soil the tip. Very carefully i push the cigar inside of me and let it rest for a while. If i pull it out i start to blush. The cigar is very wet. Ehm yes, so it seems i also am very. Carefully i use some paper to dab it dry. A bit shy i walk back to our table and place the cigar in front of T. He picks it up, smells it which makes me even more timid. With care He lights the cigar. After a short while He remarks that i did very well 'cause the cigar is burning shortly before it extinguish. T. enlightens a new one and also places one in front of me.
"For later, you don't have to go to the toilet, do it right here."
Time passes slowly, but too fast. Coffee, beer, wine and little cigars. Which i, somewhat ashamed, 'cause being afraid someone is noticing what i'm doing, blend with my feminine scent. The warmth of my leg against His.

Time for a walk. Unfortunately the Cathedral is already closed. But T. has another plan. He wants to take me somewhere. He asks me if i feel safe with Him. Which i confirm; i feel very good ánd safe. Full of confidence i lay my hand in His and we starting to walk. He stops in front of a sexvideotheque. Huh? Shivers. But i know i will follow Him.
"Wait outside here, mo."
T. enters the videotheque, i wait outside. Nervously. Then the door opens and He is nodding me inside. A man behind a desk examins me. i blushes but try to look back as confident and impartial as possible. The man is telling T. that the cabins they rent are too small for two people. Out of the open, away from strange eyes, T. wanted to feel and see me in all my fullness. Discipline my unharmed skin with His belt. Complete nakedness. We continue our walk. Another videotheque, the same procedure. T. goes inside, i wait outside. Somewhat awkward. Very soon He's back. The cabine seemed to be very dirty and smelly. Flat sperm. Giggling and reliefed i must confess, i ask him what He did expect. Apparently a clean cabin.
"So we have to be patient untill next time mo. For now we are going to a nice restaurant."


The nice thing about Greek restaurants is the fact that in between the tables are partitions , that gives some privacy. Besides you cannot see what's happening under the table. * Grins * It's a large restaurant. We're going at the back and gladly find out that there is another (small) room which you can enter by descending small stairs. There's nobody there, so lots of privacy. We take place in front of each other, but there's a beam between the table-legs so we can't feel each other. Soon T. is sitting next to me. Nearby. We order dinner. During the wine we continue the ritual with the cigar. T. is groping me. i am aroused, wet. He grabs my cunt firmly. Pulling my labia, squeezing hard. i let go and enjoy it. My head against his shoulder. Meanwhile dinner is served so we start to eat. Delicious salmon for me, (more) meat for T. ;-) Some new visitors (two gentlemen) entering the room and take place two tables further on. Two tables behind us an older couple are enjoying their dinner. We're eating, looking at each other, touching. The conversation is about clamps. Sometimes i can have very little on my nipples, but on my labia i can take a lot. T. takes his bag with interesting stuff. He takes two clamps and place them on my labia. i like those, hmmm yummie. i shouldn't have said that 'cause before i know it He places some clothes pins. These ones giving a viscious pain. His hand with a firm grip in my neck, the other hand fingers me. He is making me crazy, craving for more. i dare not make any sound because of the other guests. i have to take His finger in my mouth and suck it. Closed eyes and my desire blazes even more. The guests further on are finshed and leaving. The couple behind us doesn't seem to notice anything. T. is slapping my cunt with his flat hand. Torturing my labia. His firm grip still in my neck. Me whispering that i wanna taste Him. Never before i let myself go this way in a public space, but this time my desires are stronger than me. The sound of his belt He is loosen making me crave for a beating. He pushes my head down and bring out His cock. Greedy i start to lick and take Him in my warm mouth. Because of the couple behind us i don't dare moving my head, but i lick and suck softly. Suddenly the couple behind us are very silent. i raise myself, a well-behaved, proper girl. T. removes the clamps from my labia. It shrines in a nice way. Before we are going to the railway station to say goodbye we're drinking coffee.
Glowing desires shaking inside and have to wait. Until next time when we have a place for our own to Dominate and submit. Meanwhile i am dreaming of punished buttocks with His belt. i wanna crawl for Him. Lay down at His feet and experience who He is.......

Exploring and recognition

In the train, on my way to DB where i'll meet T. for the first time, i sway being nervous. i switch the comfy boots i wear for the high heels i have with me in my bag. My thoughts wandering restless. To concentrate myself i take a bottle of nailpolish to do my nails. At last i've managed to grow the nails of the fingers of my right hand. Now i have to go for the left ones. Oh well, back to the train. i am very concentrated polishing my nails as a voice disturbs this concentration.
"Is this seat taken?" aiming at the seat next to me. Damn, i think, lots of seats in the train, why does this man had to take place next to me. Somewhat disturbed i look up and i am startled. For a second i'm not sure, i only saw two photographs of Him, besides He's coming from the south, another direction, but then, yes it really is Him; T. I am confused and start giggling while He sits down next to me. So close. He gives me a hug. Because of my nerves i keep still. i had expected to meet Him in DB., being prepared, drinking coffee somewhere with some distance between each other. But He's is sitting here next to me, very nearby, observing. Fortunately He isn't nervous and starts to talk and ask questions. When i have my nerves under control and doesn't feel the urge to giggle any longer i give Him some sane answers. Anyway i do hope so. Very soon i feel comfortable and i am amazed about the familiarity i feel with Him. Almost from the very beginning. While the contact so far was based upon e-mail, some sms and 2 telephone conversations. The power of words. Soon we're talking about D/s relationships, SM experiences. Sometimes i'm derived by the ear of a young man in front of us. i can see his ear between the 2 seats, he's wearing headphones but i'm wondering if he might hear us.
After a while, finally relaxed, i experience the thoroughness of T. He places his long coat over our legs so that He can check if i'm wearing a slip. He already had let me know that He's allergic of slips and pantyhoses. He always has a handy tool with Him; a Swiss knife. His announcement about the knife, i have to confess to you reader, highly fed my fantasies. Hm, allergic for slips and pantyhoses eh? Don't say that to me, i see it as a dare. But i am already nervous enough, so i didn't wear knickers and thights in stead of pantyhoses, sweet as i am. Honourable girl.
T. is inspecting me, feeling. His hand on my naked skin, He let it there to rest. i feel a bit shy, but T. calmly talks to me. That He had this idea not to get out in DB, but to travel further to my hometown. So He'd already seen me when He was passing me by in the train. Ofcourse i was nervous and didn't expect this so i didn't notice. He looks at me and smiles.

DB at a café. He drinks a beer, i drink cappucino. We are sitting in the back of the café. Next to each other. Because T. wanna feel my leg against his. Constantly. i find this very nice and warm. i dare not cross my legs. Ofcourse we're talking, exploring each other. He knows about my insecurity because of a former unpleasant experience. He makes clear that which way we will go to, whatever will happen, if we're going to walk together as D/s or not, He'll not hurt me or drop me. He protects me.
He smells good. It reminds me of a church. Wood, beeswax, incense. Gucci. His skin. He smells sweet. He tells me stories about His fantasies. Dark fantasies. i have to tell Him mine. My fantasies and desires. When i'm over my insecurity i do pretty good. T. is a gifted storyteller. Nice voice. He looks at me and tells me what He sees; the sub or the girl. Sometimes i show Him the slut. * Blush * He looks at me and tells me a new fantasy. i look Him deep in the eyes and let the story drag me along. Then i feel somewhat dizzy and suddenly i become very emotional. Softly crying. He asks me what happens, touching me, comforting me. i feel emotional because He is so very close, mentally. i am amazed about my strong trusty feeling, about the familiarity.

After that a walk thru DB. i put my hand in His. Full of confidence. Some ideas of Him i tell you about it in a next blog. Also about the dinner in a Greek restaurant which outbidded my naughtiest fantasies. For now i was always a well-behaved girl i suppose.

The evening. This beautiful day sometimes time seems to stand still. He and i alone in our little world, our time. The time that went too fast. On the station a kiss, saying good-bye. We certainly will meet again. Then i will sense Him even more intense. The pain He will give me out of affection. Then i will show Him my utterly nudity. Physical and mentally. i am longing for it...........

Photograph; But you can't hide by Fetishon

Jumping into deep water

i love this music . The videoclip is also breathtaking beautiful. Some images in this clip symbolise for me the contact i have with T. ; jumping into deep water, moving each other, the magic, the Cathedral, dreaming in the train while going home, let go..........until the next meeting.

With all words
With all smiles
With all looks
With all caresses

I draw near the water
Drinking your kiss
The light of your face
The light of your body

To love you is a prayer
The song of the mute
The eyes of the blind
The naked secret

I entrust myself to your arms
I’m afraid and I’m calm
A prayer in my mouth
And a prayer in my soul

With all words
With all smiles
With all looks
With all caresses

I draw near the fire
That burns all of this
The light of your face
The light of your body

To love you is a prayer
The song of the mute
The eyes of the blind
The naked secret

I entrust myself to your arms
I’m afraid and I’m calm
A prayer in my mouth
And a prayer in my soul

Lhasa de Sela from the album; The living road, 2003

Being me

Since november last year i am e-mailing with T. At first because of our curiosity to each other. Fascination to each others experiences. Bit by bit the contact changes from friends to more D/s and the thoughts of perhaps..... Resulting in meeting each other yesterday.
The power of words. Whois this Man who exposes unfailing the submissive in me. All the time He touches me so deep that it makes me cry. Once because of a mail of Him, after our first telephoneconversation and again at our first meeting in a café. And i am no crybaby. He touches me because He is interested in all my aspects. Not only the submissive or slut, but also in the little girl, Mo the woman in daily life, Momo the creative one. He asks questions, observes and He sees. me. All those aspects of me were there yesterday when we first met, were allowed to be there. i looked into His eyes, got emotional and started crying.

Relief * For T.

Photograph; Pornographic illumination by Dr. Spankenstein

Oh well, there she is, on her knees, spreaded legs. Clamps on her nipples, sending a fierce pain thru her body. The cold of the dungeonfloor draws a track of pimples on her skin. But she doesn't feel the cold. Because lust is blazing up in her belly. His burning glance upon her. Her growing passion intensifies the pain she is feeling.
He is standing in front of her, looking down on her. Uneasy her hands touching her cunt. Uneasy because He is looking at her. Forced onanism. The shame and humiliation arousing her even more. She is wet. Timid she pushes a finger in her mouth and sucks on it. This always excites her very much. She is hoping she'll climax soon, ending this humiliation. Her other hand kneading, pinching, caressing. His hand grabbing her hair, a firm grip, she stops what she is doing. She waits. What will happen next.
His finger in her mouth. One finger, two fingers, three.... He commands her to continue her masturbation. His fingers in her opened mouth directing the rhytm. Faster and faster. She dribbles, which she finds horrible. But she let herself go in an increasing, intense lewdness. He pulls his fingers out of her mouth, strenghten his grip. He buries His cock deep in her mouth. This deeply gauged slutheat of her mouth. He pushes rough and hard. In and out. In. Out. Then His forcing hand raising her, enforcing her to look at Him. While He is pulling her face towards Him, His cock slips from her mouth. Leaving behind a trace of dribble and spittle on her lips and chin. Her mouth open and hungry. He looks at her, making her blush.

"Look at what you are doing little slut! See what you are doing with My cock."
One hand firm in her hair fixating her posture. His other hand holding His cock, slapping her with it. The spittle amplifies the slapping sound of His cock on her lips, cheeks, face. She feels how her eyes, almost as in triomph, starting to smile. Quickly she closes them, but it's too late. He notices her sparkling eyes. She feels the glowing of His slapping hand on her cheek.
"Look at me, mo. Look at my cock, you slut! You can't get it, not yet. You have to deserve it. And for now slut, you look Me in the eye and you orgasm.

Now!"

Dreaming

Photograph by Doug Faircloth

For those who asked how am i doing? Because of my silence. First of all; thank you very much for your concern. I had been ill, so therefore i slept a lot lately. Which is good at times, i enjoy dreaming. And there is a lot to dream about lately.

Lots of e-mailing with T. Getting to know each other better. Writing about our Dominant/submissive feelings. Our dark fantasies. But i don't wanna write about it right now because at the moment it is still too vulnerable. But i will......... soon.
Though the contact wit T. feels good. More then. Well, i dó wanna reveal you that i am going to meet Him. Next week. In a public place. I'll meet Him in a town i love very much. Because of the beautiful Cathedral and the Hieronymus Bosch connection.
It hád to be this town for T. inspired me to write the sun*day stories; The confession, Penance and Misericordia. (Scroll down to the first comment to read the english translation.)

The mail contact with T. leads to inquiring my submissive, masochistic feelings. Thats what i am going to write about. To begin with. What arouses the submissive in me, what the girl, the slut? What are my restrictions and am i able to strecht these restrictions? How far will i go on the journey? Because new possibilities, fascinations and insights are glimmering at the horizon. As well because of T.

Time breds roses

i couldn't wait to leave 2007 behind. This restless year full of troubles and sorrow. New years day always gives me a light feeling, the days getting longer, spring isn't that far away any more, full of new hope and expectations.

There was a lot going on in my SM life. The break up with my Master, the disappointing experience with Dominant R., the contact with Dominant H. Which i stopped some time ago. H. is a nice, sincere man but i guess it wasn't the right time for us to connect. There still was some noise from the past, some fantomes were wandering about, trying to force themselves on me before they finally solve in thin air. But those fantomes from the past did infect the beginning D/s relation with H. Apparently it wasn't supposed to be.

Because of the sorrow, disappointments and turmoil i started to think things over very carefully. Can i submit to a new D/s relationship in my life? Do i dare to give myself again? Conversations with Spanking Master (my friend and Mentor) lead to clear thoughts. Understanding my needs and desires. But it seemed as if i was tired of all this. i didn't feel those desires. Didn't want to feel them. Deeply tucked away. For a while this fellt good. Peace in my body. Peace in my mind. For a short time i had the illusion i was released from my intense craving and dark desires. If i felt arise a feeling of lack, i quickly pushed this feeling away. Succesfully. For as long as it lasts......

The spanking i received from Spanking Master was gorgeous and exactly what i needed. But even this spanking couldn't revive my submissive, masochistic feelings. It intensified only my feelings of lack. The lack of a Master demanding me, calling me His, doing with me whatever He wants. All that what i was trying to suppress, didn't want to feel.

Yesterday evening, it was already late. Suddenly, there it was. The intense craving. The deep longing. The restlessness. But it made me happy! i embraced this feeling, enjoying it, admitting it. i suppose this has to do with T. i am mailing this hedonic man for a while now. Lovely mails making me happy and looking forward to. They are on a friendly basis, out of curiosity towards each other. We write about life, art, music and ofcourse SM and dark fantasies. We didn't write each other with thoughts of a prospective D/s relationship. i didn't dare hoping about it. He is a friend making me happy with pleasant mails. But i have to admit i always feel submissive contacting him. From the very beginning. Some Dominants accomplish this feelings naturally. The ones you approach very politely. From the beginning i have this strong urge pleasing T. Afraid to disappoint him. Doing the best i can. Feeling a silly girl. Our contact was based on fascination for each others story. Friendship. Recently there is a change in our contact. Strongely D/s. So i now feel the little sparkle inside of me wasn't put out. Making me restless in a pleasant way. Yesterday evening.
And for now still feeling restless. Images of a Dominant grabbing me by my hair, forcing me on my knees. Strongely beating me with His belt. His knife touching my skin, softly carving. Leaving a small trail of blood. The heat of a burning cigarette close to the skin. He fucking me roughly without wondering if i like it. He takes, because He can. Oh how do i crave for not allowed to want something, not allowed to speak. Doing the things He desires, the one without compassion. Submitting myself, being there for His wishes and needs. That's my intention. i am a slave. Nothing more, nothing less. i do hope time will be on my side to realize this. Time that heals all wounds, sometimes crawling, other times flying, that comes and go, waits for no man, that is free but priceless. Time is on my side in 2008. i really do hope so. For myself and for you readers. Time breds roses.....

My name

Chasing a dream?

Sometimes you can't get what you need in life. Perhaps i have to free myself from my dark desires. This desire to submit myself to a Dominant who understands me. The road which i walk now is very impassible. Too many dark shadows that take away the visibility. Still dreaming breathlessly in other ways. The following words (My name) are from Lhasa de Sela. I recognize these words and they touch me deep in the heart.
i wrote this the first of june, 2007. Still not owned, but there glimmers some hope. Nowadays i write with a very charming Dominant and i hope to meet Him soon.

My name

Why don't you ask me

How long i've been waiting

Set down on the road

With the gunshots exploding

i'm waiting for you

in the gloom and the blazing

i'm waiting for you

i sing like a slave

i know
i should know better
i've learned all my lessons
right down to the letter
And still i go on like this
year after year
Waiting for miracles
and shaking with fear
Why don't you answer
Why don't you come save me
Show me to use
all these things
that you gave me
Turn me inside out
So my bones can save me
Turn me inside out
You've come this close
You can come even closer
The gunshots get louder
and the world spins faster
And things just get further
and further apart
The head from the hands
and the hands from the heart
One thing that's true
is the way that i love him
The earth down below
and the sky up above him
And stil i go on like this
day after day
Still i go on like this
Now i've said this
i already feel stronger
i can't keep waiting for you
any longer
i need you know
not someday when i'm ready
Come down on the road
Come down on the road
My name My name
nothing is the same
i won't go back
the way i came........

Introduction; moonheart

Hello there visitor and welcome. i am moonheart. A submissive woman. My love and hubbie Des doesn't have Dominant or sadistic feelings so He gives me some freedom to explore my submissive and masochistic feelings. Is that Love or what? So the last 9 years i díd explore. I've been in 3 D/s relationships. Last year march my latest D/s relationship ended very sudden and in a nasty way. Therefore i am a little bit frightened to find a and submit to a new Master. But it's hard if not impossible to surpress my dark feelings.
Perhaps some of you already visited my Dutch blog: http://donkermaanlicht.web-log.nl/ Since i noticed i have visitors from all over the world, but especially England & US, i translated my blogs also into the english language. i placed this on the first comment of my dutch blog. i have some friends on blogspot and i only could leave a comment if i have a blogspot account. So i thought it would be nice to place my translated blogs on this space. So there you go, here i am.


i travel this moonlit path; sometimes it's dark, other times gold enlighted. The tide, darkness and enlightement, it all belongs to the moon. Sometimes you cannot see me, even if i shine, sometimes you can see a bit of me behind dark fleeing clouds and sometimes i glow with an intense light, so you won't overlook me. Grab your telescope and follow my trail.......

Photograph; Loneliness and sky by Lonely Pierot.