Expectation * Our hazy, little world

After a drink in the bar of the hotel, my Owner and i walked back to our room. There i had to undress myself again. Kneeling in front of the bed, You push my head downwards. I thought i was clear that evening, but as i think back to it, i notice that i don't know the right rank of what happened. Pink clouds in my head obstructing clear thinking. I was further in space then i thought i was. I don't remember if You used the belt again on me. Or if You immediately groped and pinched me.

Two fingers deep in me, three, four...... You ask me why i didn't stretch myself at home. 'Cause You notice it goes tiring. Meanwhile You push four fingers inside me, back and forth. Continuously faster. Hard. I don't remember if You pushed Your whole hand inside of me. But i know i was very aroused and came spurting. You continue and i hear the lewdness in Your voice as You snap one humiliation after another at me. I slip away in my hazy little world. Where we are alone. You and i. Where i loose myself in Your spirit. My face in the blankets, i hear Your voice stirring us up. Feeling Your hand deep inside of me, while Your other hand is pushing my head down. Suddenly You penetrate me deep, fucking me with a pent-up rage i've never experienced before. Harsh. Heated. I hear Your humiliating words, but it's only sound. The meaning doesn't get through. Hazy and warm. I feel while Your grip in my hair strenghten. Pulling my head backwards. Then i feel the first slap in my face. Not only my cheek is glowing. More slaps follow. Hazy and warm. i feel as the last slap overwhelms me. For a moment darkness in my head and astonishment. Stars. I see stars as You help me to stand up. Taking me by the hand and lead me to the shower. And i know what comes next.

I'm sitting on the cool tiles. Bent head. The hazyness in my head is gone and a cool intelligibility calms my heated thoughts. Notices how small the shower is. How this space is filled with great expectations. How my stomach contracts because of the nervously fluttering butterflies. I look up and see Your concentrated face above me. I smile. You too find it difficult to piss under pressure. The pressure of expectations this time. I open my mouth, but close it nervously as i feel how the first drops spatter on my face. It's a little stream so i carefully open my mouth again to receive some of Your piss. I feel emotional as i taste You. As i swallow You. Your salty taste linger against my palate. I was afraid that i had to throw up, but i didn't. I get all warm inside. The little stream stops. I giggle.

'That's a stream of nothing.' i hear You mumble. Your face even more concentrated. I take You in my mouth and taste. Time seems to stand still. In the silence of this cool, white space, where a second seems to be an eternity, i wait patiently while i take in Your face. As i open my mouth again, and my tongue hesitating sticks out, i suddenly see a great relief on Your face that uncovers a big smile. A salty, warm beam touches my face, tongue and heart while i swallow, taste, swallow and notice how Your warm fluid clear a way through my body. Grateful i am that this first time the stream wasn't that plentifull. You put on the warm shower as i hide in Your arms. After which You tenderly wash Your dirty girl. I show You my gratitude by many, many little-girl-kisses.

ADAGIO

T., my Sir is the Owner and Player of my body and mind and sees to that his willing instrument mo makes the most strange and beautiful music.

This i wrote down after He placed clamps on my nipples and labia and ordered me to crawl into the cage. Oh, how terrible i find it to crawl when He's looking at me. He closes the door behind me and i have to sit down on hands and knees and feel. To feel how the pain of the clamps slowly travels thru my body. Before me a white paper and a red marker. I sit faced to the wall hearing T. who puts ready some stuff. I cannot see him. I have to describe in one phrase how i see us in our relationship. Who are we together? I can't write it down too fast, first i have to feel it very carefully. I hear him walking around while my thoughts call up some allegories. I want to please my Owner and astonish him. But because of this urge to do things well i become this little girl that can't think clearly, talks nonsense and sometimes is very clumsy. Beautiful words go trhu my mind, but in fact are these words too beautiful, not touching the essence of my deepest feelings. Finally i come up with the phrase mentioned above.
Is that one phrase? my Owner asks as He quickly glances over the paper. Read it aloud to me mo.

Uncertain i read aloud the words i've written down. He doesn't like it, too many words, perhaps too overdone, too beautiful? With bent head i wait for his reaction as He picks up the paper. He reads aloud the phrase again. Then silence.
Yes, i like it mo, you're allowed to crawl out of the cage.

ANDANTE

T. directs me to this chair that spreads your legs. (What's the word for it? Thank you....) As He attaches my arms to it, He shows me that the rope isn't that tight. So if i panic i'm loose in one second. Again i'm surprised and grateful for the understanding and empathy of my Tormentor. Sometimes i panic as i'm attached completely. Well, my legs are attached very firm. Then T. blindfolds me and puts on the collar. I am His.
Naked i sit on this chair, legs astraddled. T. makes up something nice. For him that is, for me it's something awkward. He connects the clamps with the heavy chains which are hanging from the ceiling to the ground. Then He attaches the clamps on my labia and because of the gravity of the chains the clamps are pulled of with one pull ór tormenting slowly depending on the bite of the clamps.
I don't need to do anything, just watching and enjoying. The chains are doing all the work for me.
Meanwhile T. sometimes pushes his fingers in me to check out or attaches the clamps again.

CRESCENDO

As my labia are tormented enough, T. thinks it's time to let them glow more intense. Through the cane, some whips and the paddle. He raises the rhytm and sometimes i cannot sit quietly because of the pain. The big dildo is pushed inside to ascertain that the stretching turns out to be efficient. This interchanges for a while. Constantly i'm close to an orgasm but it doesn't hold on. T. is whipping me up with severe beating and humiliating words. Then unexpectedly He pushes his fingers in me, squeezing. I feel very ashamed as i feel lots of juice dripping over my legs and His hands.
Is that pee? That isn't pee is it? i ask confused and embarrassed.
It didn't feel like peeing, it doesn't smell like it. Apparrently i came gushing. T. saw me gushing with great force.

I'm on my knees, sitting before a box. I can drape myself over it and have some support. Fifty blows with the cane is what i deserve and i have to count. It isn't the smallest cane. A little bit bigger which gives a more dusted pain. I still can feel this pain deeply four days later. I love this feeling very much. But during the beating i damn this cane because of the intense pain. The cane i curse, the cane i love and crave. T. gives me 10 blows each time. After which i can catch my breath and He using some whips and the paddle on me. These blows i don't have to count. For a present i bought my Owner a paddle and when this paddle arrived at home i had to swallow my fear. Because this paddle was much larger than i thought it was haha. For now i can feel how this paddle gives my bottom a nice glow. Ouch! Another kind of pain. The blows T. gives me by hand are a relieve after the blows from the cane and the crop. All these different kind of pain and blows are leading me to floating away. Far away. But every time my Owner calls me back as i have to count the blows from the cane. Then finally i let myself flow on the pain and the pain becomes a pleasure. (On the photograph you can see the remaining marks of my Owner after 4 days. I wear them with pride.)

FORTE

Do you know mo how deep i'm inside of you?

I know Sir, but i don't wanna hear it, please don't tell me.

But i can feel it and how. It hurts a lot! As if i'll be broken in two. At the same time it arouses me a lot. With restrained breath i can feel how my Tormentor moves His hand in and out. His hand is totally inside me. I have it very warm. The heat blazes up from my tormented cunt to my head. I sniffle ánd i laugh. I feel intense pain and intense lust. I am nothing, i am my Owners thing. His horny fuck-thing. His hand inside me, that tortures me and beats me. At the end T. penetrates me deep and starts fucking me. The scalding heat in my head still burns. I am begging T.

Hit me, please hurt me Sir!

And i get much more then what i asked for. My Owner fucks me deep and hits me everywhere. On my breasts and most of all in my face. Several hard blows. Making me dizzy, taking my breath away. That makes me subside in bliss. His fuck-thing, that's what i am. Again i cum gushing. This time i'm not embarrassed.

On top of me, He is, my Owner. He fucks my mouth. Deep. Sometimes i can't breathe, sometimes He's poking that deep that makes me heave. Then He spurts over my face and sinks again over me. I look in his eyes, see the fire burning. He kisses me and i caress his back and bum.

CODA

This post doesn't suffice our meeting. There was happening so much more that i can't seize in words. Together we have walked much furthermore, but these are just words. The emotions i feel, so completely being His. My deep glowing submissiveness, His fiery Dominance and Sadism are engraved in my memory. There are no words for this, it's music that sings inside me. It sings inside my being. And i hope inside the being of my Owner.

Blood

I'm getting nervous. Within 2 days i'll meet my Owner again and i don't know how or when or what. Hah! Am i a controlefreak or what? I dó know that because of daily circumstances our meeting will be shorter than other times. But hey, i am very happy to look my Owner in the eye again. My Tormentor. By the way this title comes from T. himself. I wouldn't dare to call Him that. ;-) Also Tormentor because of some url's He sended me. For inspiration. Ehmm inspiration? Oooops uncomfortable is more like it. On the sites lots of photographs of women putting all kind of things in their cunt. Strange but most of all huge objects. These photo's aren't beautiful at all. To look at them i find embarrassing and humiliating but perhaps that's the reason why T. wants me to look at them in the first place. Main point however , and ofcourse i felt it coming, is that i have to stretch my cunt also. The final destination is T. fisting me, using His whole hand. Ooops again. Two times i've experienced fisting. It was very hot and i loved it, but my former Master wasn't carefull at all. He kept his sealring around his finger, was very rough as he withdraw his hand from me, to conclude that i was bleeding.

'Don't be frightened but you are bleeding.'

So it has been a while since the last time i was fisted. The idea to experience this again excites me, but also frightens me. The difference now is that i know i have a very careful Owner. Our last meeting T. made a little beginning; four fingers in me. But not yet the result He is aiming for. So therefore He gave me this order to start stretching my cunt. I find this sound a little scary, being afraid that my cunt will be so much stretched that it transforms in some kind of a 'too much too stretched thing.' (lubberding) LOL Meaning being afraid that the muscles stay stretched and don't tighten again. Or the fear of cannot holding my pee any longer. I know this is nonsense (again) but despite it..........

Still constanty feeling very submissive and ofcourse i didn't wanna disappoint my Owner again, i was looking for things wich i could put in. You know. A lot didn't seem possible. Ha! Scaredy-cat that i am. Then i noticed the little plastic bottle in which the sterile fluid of my lenses. (There must be a better and shorter word for it) Not too big, just beautiful to begin with. But do you think that such a little bottle can be put in easily? Well no, it doesn't. While i was/am very aroused and really very wet. (I have an orgasmban so i am constantly in an aroused mood) The textmessages i received from T. made me even wetter. But i didn't manage to put in that stupid little flask. Than i had this good idea; first of all i use my dildo. I have a big seized one.

* Now i am blushing. In proportion as this blog progress i become more shy. Is it because i don't wanna admit how slutty i really am? *

I put in the dildo, as deep as possible. Normally half of it suffice. I moved the dildo back and forth deeply. In and out. At the moments i felt approaching an orgasme i stopped. Orgasm-ban! The dildo wasn't switched on, no delightful buzzing and titilating impulses on my clit, so therefore i could postpone my climax. It wasn't easy though. Very aroused and very moist i switched the dildo for the flask. Softly pushing, a little bit turning, continuous a little bit further. Ofcourse the flask is bigger than the dildo. But at last i managed to put in the whole flask. Such a nice full feeling. I couldn't suppress the feeling to move the flask back and forth. Constant stopping just in time before..... Then making pictures for my Owner and send them to Him. I am so grateful that i don't have to place these pictures on this blog. When i carefully removed the flask from my cunt, there was blood on the tip. Only a short time i was scared and feeling dizzy, but this quickly changed into a proud feeling. This time i didn't let my Owner down.

T. was more then contented. He gave me permission to climax one time that day. Just once. Immidiately i made use of this opportunity. You can imagine that it didn't take long until i orgasm. For now i am busy with the preparations for our next meeting. The shaving ritual, what shall i wear, what will happen? Yet two restless nights of sleep and then the restlessness will be over. For a while. For now i'm loosing myself in dark, scary but oh so yummie thoughts, bouncing like a ping-pong pelet. In all directions.