While the heart beats passion

Photograph; God said no by Suzi9mm

Her hands
decently folded
above the blankets

while the heart beats passion.

Veiled secrets

upon her devoted face.

The slow and lonely blazing

from a humble fire.
The cell where she sleeps is dark.
Silent yearnings.

Raw dreams that hurt.
In a frenzied heat
between tribulation

and tranquillity

she touches the belly
of her heaven.

Her nails tormenting

the sinful flesh

until she bleeds.

She seems untouched by this fire.
Unaffected tears

clearing her dark heart.

© Moonheart april 2008

Sunlight

Lately i was very tired. Therefore i hadn't accomplish a Command my Owner asked me to do. That made me feel guilty. The feeling to disappoint your Owner is the worst feeling a submissive can have. In a mail i had explained why it take so long. Ofcourse i take His Command serious and as soon as i have regain some energy i'll do what He wants me to do.
Take your time to find your balance. Your basis and your most important being and possession are your health, your family and your own life! I'm not disappointed, but i wish for you all strenghth and wisdom for now.
Such a lovely mail. My Owner is an intelligent but also very empathic man. So i could let go my guilty feelings. Though somewhere something stayed picking. Was the little girl in me afraid that her Owner wouldn't find her a sweet girl any longer.

Between our meetings the communication between my Owner and me goes by mail and sometimes a text message. And incidentally we phone each other. This is sufficient for me, it feels good because of the strength of our togetherness. I'm a little surprised by it, 'cause this is new for me. i spoke everyday with my former Masters on messenger and by sms. This can be oppressive at times. A commitment that doesn't feel comfortable. Besides it can influence your daily life/relationship in a negative way. Sometimes that did happen to me, i got lost too much in the D/s relationship. (I'm in a vanilla relationship. My love/hubbie doesn't have SM feelings, so He gives me the freedom to explore my submissive, masochistic feelings with my Owner) Also; to talk every day with your Master doesn't guarantee commitment and trust. Not earlier i've felt myself so confident and known as in this D/s relationship with T. Not earlier i've felt the togetherness as strong as i feel now. (i'm talking about my D/s relationships, not my vanilla one. My hubbie and i are together for 27 years now.) Also there is a perfect balance between my daily life and my submissive life.

T. does travel a lot for His work, last weekend was His birthday, and end of the week He's on a holiday with His family for 2 weeks. Therefore very busy. So His mail came less frequently. No, that's not right, there was a maximum of five days between the mail. And this happened once. It felt for me, girl with feelings of guilt as if His mail came less often. Perhaps His mail was less extensive then i got used to, but His words still were as sparkling as always and made very clear who i am for T. His girl, slut, slave. But the insecure girl was craving for more connection, needed soft caresses, was looking for confirmation. Perhaps the reason for this has also to do with the fact that our next meeting is only halfway may. I send T. a mail in which i describe Him my feelings. Full of trust, without fear. I point this out, because in former D/s relationships i was frightened to expose my insecure feelings. The answer was most of the time anger or manipulation. I often felt worthless. This says a lot concerning my former relationships. This also says much concerning me.
Because it was weekend, i had to wait a little bit for an answer. The girl in me became very restless. Yesterday morning i send Him a text message. Sweet Tormentor, i wish you a very nice day.

Who's are you and are you alone?
My heart jumped. i'm alone at home. i have to sit down on a chair, bare abdomen, astride so that the sun can strike my cunt. Phone, clamps and weight next to me. Eyes closed. A pity that the sun shined not yet into the room, but the intent is clear. For now T. is the Sun and i am His moonheart. My minds eye sees His face. Intense, concentrated, sparkles in His eyes. As the phone rings i answer it as fast as i can. His voice that warms and soothes me.
"I'm with you mo. I'm standing right in front of you."
In a reflex i open my eyes, for a moment i thought He really was standing here. Beautiful mindplay. I feel Him so close, i'm so focussed on Him. I close my eyes again and listen. Before He leads me towards a play, He makes very clear that He's fond of me. All my aspects. Also the insecure girl. In fact He understands her. He will never let me go down. I have to repeat His words.
Then i have to place two pegs on my labia. There are little rings on the pegs, i have to attach some weight on the rings. After that i have to hit myself hard. Ten times on my cunt. Audible. It brings on some nice glowing 'cause for sure i am doing all the best i can. Besides; if my Owner can't hear a blow i have to hit myself again. Then i have to grope my cunt. Ofcourse i'm very, very wet. Ever since the very first second i am aware of the presence of my Owner i become liquid. I'm always surprised how very liquid. Attaching some more weight, swinging my hips, feeling how much the pegs and weight are pulling my labia i have to hit myself again. Audible. A finger deep in my cunt, another one and another one, my hand. I have small hands so i can manage it reasonably well. Moving in and out, sturdy, so that T. can hear how wet His slut is. The hitting and fingering interchange. Finally i have to (may) masturbate myself to a climax. This i find almost as embarrassing as masturbating while He's watching me. My Owner reminds our last meeting - Do you rememeber? - He describes my cunt. Which He finds so delicious. The clanging of the weight disturbs my concentration. I may remove them. His voice in my ear, humiliating, ravishing degrading words. It doesn't take long as i cum in a warm and intens orgasm.

My sweet mo, do you feel connected? Do you feel yourself My Property? Do you feel loved? Do you feel your throbbing wet slutcunt? Do you feel. Mine?

I've never felt as understood and known as now. It makes me happy. Yes my sweet Tyrant. i feel You. And i am. Your Property, girl, slut, slave. And i love You too.

The rest of the day i was shining more intense than the sun.

Though i feel myself small * My ordeal in front of my Owner

Photograph by Lula Robins

Orgasm on command i find very hard to do. Five...four...three...two...one...NOW! Then i obstruct the feeling. i could manage this very few times and i find it very exciting. However. Also very difficult for me is to masturbate while my Owner is watching me. When T. in the hotelroom placed two chairs opposite of each other, i knew what will occur next. He installed himself comfortable in one chair while i had to sit down in the other chair facing Him. Straddle-legged. Ofcourse. i was wearing stockings and high heels. Nothing else. Giggling i did what He expected me to do, 'cause tjeez it's so embarrassing to sit like that while naked. Very aware of my nudity and sluttyness. Apparently T. couldn't see clear what He wanna see 'cause i had to push a bit. He placed my feet on the arms. i sat there, legs upwards and astraddled, therefore T. had a good look on my cunt. Correction; my very wet cunt. Uneasy. That's how i felt. So i kept giggling which annoyed me very much.
"I would say mo, go ahead."
Hm, i suppose i looked at Him kinda dazzled.
"you know exactly what I mean mo, go ahead. Don't let your Owner wait. Finger yourself."
While hesitating a bit i lay a finger on my clit. Very aware of the eyes of T. Kind but stringent. i touch and rub my clit a bit while i place my other hand over my face. My fingers somewhat spreaded i peep at T. seeing His amused face.
"Take your hand away from your face mo and look me in the eye. You can do better then what you're performing right now. Finger yourself as you mean it!"
i try to focus and caress and rub my clit more aimed. Meanwhile i try to let go my sense of shame. Sometimes i still wanna hide my face behind my hand but i correct myself. i can't deny that i'm very aroused, my cunt speaks for itself. Very wet. My excitement increases and i relax more.
"Open your eyes mo, you have to look at me."
The amused look in His eyes is replaced by concentration. i can't tell what His feelings were at that moment. On the other hand i feel His eyes intensely orientated on me. His Possession; that is for now His slut. My stockings, shoes, i can see so conscious turn me on. My fingers are doing their job purposeful and i almost drown in His eyes. His fierce glance penetrating me is almost making me come. But i can't pull it off. Again i close my eyes, sometimes my head falls backwards in passion. Nevertheless i correct myself again and again because at this moment i crave nothing more than to look in His eyes. Though i feel myself small. Faster my fingers are rubbing, my breathing is heavy, but my climax failed to come. Then my Owner decides to help. He leans over while looking at me. i don't remember if He encouraged me, i love it as He humiliates me with words. While my fingers are still rubbing my clit, T. pushes His fingers in my cunt. He pushes them hard inside of me, outside, inside again. Our eyes breaking into each other and i exploding with His help into a severe, long lasting orgasm.

Epilogue: His fingers in my cunt have to become finally His whole hand. To be continued.

PS 2; i'm not sure if the title is grammatically correct. Though i feel myself small. Or; Though i feel small. Please point this out to me. Thank you. :-)