Images that make my head spin

Because of the minimal contact between T. and myself i was weary and calm. But after a number of delicious text messages from my Owner the submissive in me started to sparkle again. I woke up in a very sunny mood and thoughts about my Owner excited me. I sended a morning greeting and the question if i was allowed to come.

I give you an orgasm-command; you're allowed to come on the toilet the way I've teached you. Like a dirty girl, the horny obliging piss-slut of your Owner.

This answer makes me feel small. Those words; dirty, horny, obliging piss-slut are affecting me somehow. They feel humiliating and degrading. But my body-reactions make very clear that those affecting words arouses me very much.
I am wondering if i had to pee in my pantyhose or if i have to pee over my hand and then taste it. Given that i have to do it on the toilet i choose for the last option. To finger myself on the toilet does a lot to me. It feels disparaging and very, very slutty. To do this on the wc is dirty, to me that is. Probably acquired behavior from my childhood; the toilet is a dirty place. So dirty piss-slut is a correct definition. * blush * Nevertheless without any shame i sit down astride. As i start to pee i hold my hand in the warm spurt of piss and don't hesitate a bit. It almost feels trusted already. It arouses me ever more. Because T. wants me to do this. Because He's thinking of me at that very moment, knowing what i'm doing. As the piss runs down my hand, suddenly i smell it much stronger and very aware, i almost come. Because i'm thinking of my Owner, imagining how He would piss over me. His smell in my hair, His taste in my mouth. How would that be? I never could presume that i'm craving for it right now. These thoughts that make me come without using my fingers. But i can hold my orgasm. I wanna enjoy this intense excitement a little bit longer. Conscious tasting and smelling my pee. Because as i stop pissing, i place my fingers in my mouth and taste myself. I feel light-headed. T. buzzes in my thoughts. Carefully i lick my fingers. Feeling embarrassed but oh so horny. So terribly aroused. Thoughts on my Owner are connecting us, as if He's standing next to me.

i can feel His firm grip in my hair, pulling my head backwards.
"Open your mouth!"
i see His penetrating glance before He pisses in my mouth and i don't let it run but i swallow and swallow and heave and swallow and taste. Him. i don't wanna spill a drop. And my Owner burns in my stomach. He glows on my cheeks after the slap in the face.

Deep i push my fingers inside of me and roughly moving them in and out. Rough and hard, so that i dispel my intense craving to my Owner. In between i hit my cunt and then again..... rough and hard. Even harder because this craving hurts. As an orgasm arises i push my fingers deeper and start to pee again. The orgasm overflows me and gets on for a long time. While images of my Owners eyes observing me, his hands torturing me and His warm piss that runs over me are making my head spin.

'Lift me up, lift me up ooooooh lala lala.'

Vulnerable

There's something intruiging going on. Concerning my feelings and emotions. It has a lot to do with the hint from T., about the trunk of a car. The (apart from that beautiful blog) from s.o.d. about being transported in a trunk and the comment from humble doll on it, has put my feelings in some sort of a rapid. Clearer said: so i'm not the only one that find the idea of a trunk exciting. Seeing this written down makes it impossible to push away this dark little bit of myself. It enforces me to look at it. Often when i find on the net a photo showing a helpless girl back in a trunk, i document it 'cause i find such an image attractive. Still my feelings stayed, in spite of being fascinated, numb. Apparently i didn't allow myself to feel anything. And why is that? Nosing around on the net indeed you find little photographs with this kind of image. Is this too much taboo? While this doesn't happen against the will of the submissive, this should be clear. Ofcourse, i do understand the essence of this taboo. You don't find much images like these on the net, but you dó find horrorstories of women who were find in a trunk, after being kidnapped and raped or even worse. Ofcourse this is horrible; i'm against every form of violence against mankind. But why am i not afraid to look at my rape fantasies? Why do i allow myself to feel something thinking about this? Why is for me being transported in the trunk of my Owner worse? More taboo than needles thru my nipples and labia? While needles for me was enormous transgressing.
Meanwhile T. made clear that the trunk isn't a mindfuck at all. Fact is; this touches me emotionally very deep and starts up many processes in my thinking and feeling. Thinking of coming Friday i'm jumpy and aroused and also a little bit frightened. Not because i don't trust my Owner, i trust Him for 100%. There's something else going on. So i looked inside myself. These frightening feelings aren't bad, also i don't find them creepy, but i wanna know where they come from. These feelings, clearly triggered by the trunk.

Finally i came to the following conclusion; T. and i are so much on the same frequency, with familiar dark thoughts (and more). So it's for sure He can make this dark desires of mine reality. Íf He does isn't relevant, He can. Where-ever He's leading me, i know i will follow Him. Because i've never felt myself so save and good in a D/s relationship before. This is a delightful feeling, but also scary. Because how far will i go? Which direction follows this path? Wonderful, thrilling and scary. i've never felt as vulnerable before, and as strong at the same time.
He's my Owner, He's my Protector.