The essence

It has already been awhile back that T. in a subtle way leads me to a new path. He implants that little seed in my mind, waiting to sprout. Once in a while T. is giving the seed some food and the first buds are already visible. (Dry earth....blog)
T. had send me the url from the blog of sub lyn in which she describes how she becomes her Masters piss-slut.

'Little slut of me, give me your thoughts, your feelings, your fantasies and emotions while reading this post.'

Reading the post of sub lyn gave me mixed feelings. I understand her feelings and why she became a piss-slut, but for me? Sometimes i had this fantasy that T. is pissing upon my clit. A warm splash at that place seems yummie and exciting to me. But the prospective vision my Owner describes; drinking His piss and my own is making me shiver. The fear and shivering twinkles over my spine aren't unpleasant though. So i was curious where this idea from my Ower comes from. Is it because of the humiliation? Does it make Him horny? Or maybe both. Has this to do with power and my devotion to it?

As you know mo, in the life of a child peeing is óne of the issues in which guilt, atonement, humiliation and rewards are very important. On that moment in this young life you're rewarded as you hold your pee and as you empty your bladder in the right way; on your potty. And there is some rejection as you pee in your pants or on your bed. Rewardings and rejection are indissoluble connected with this 'holding-your-pee-phenomenon'. While later on in your life peeing has this private 'forbidden for others'character.

In our connection mo, this holding-up phenomenon and the accompanying rewardings and punishments will be turned around. If you are my piss-slut you'll be rewarded if you on unwanted places or in my command pee as I have instruct you. If you pee the 'normal' way you'll be punished for being obedient to this what is worn for years. This inversion of perspective mo, is worth it to examine together.

From this point of view slut of me, is let go of your pee at moments I desire and in the way I want you to do it, a condition of humiliation, degradation connected with shame and capitulation. Also is commanding that you MUST pee (equal to my commands that you múst cum) a delicious practise of power from your Owner over my possession who's obliged to humiliate and lower herself. Can you feel it on your spine subbie of me?

I know that if I wish you to be my piss-slut, you will be mo. These thoughts are making you horny slut and you already allow to rise some images in your imagination. To piss, little slut of me, has also to do with pure, hot Power and exciting Domination.

This explanation of T. makes me melt and touches deeply my submissiveness. Ofcourse i become T.'s piss-slut if He wants me to. Even though it will not be easy. Reading the experiences of sub lyn and of toy describing also her physical reactions of aversion while drinking her Owners piss, have not taken away my shivers and fear. But the essence of this all; the humiliation leading to feeling small and humble, His power over me, His girl doing all her best to please Him and the ultimate submission that's required for this are making the seed to root. Are making me wanna be His piss-slut. The essence is His ultimate Dominance over me and my devoted submission that's making me complete. And this essence also arouses me very, very much.

Art by Odd Nerdrum ° Twilight

Everything

Perhaps you've noticed that in the lastest blog i have blotted out the word innocence and replaced it by the word virginity. A word is not just a word. Sometimes a word can summon different emotions.
"How can a cunt be guilty mo?" A subbiefriend of mine asked me this question. Never, i replied a little bit giggling. i was curious why she asked me this question. The reason was the following phrase from my latest blog; from the cunt that has lost it's innocence...... Losing your innocence for me doesn't imply by definition guilt. For me this hasn't a negative intonation. Hereby virginity is perhaps a better chosen word, because that's what i meant to say. i'm interested in the thoughts, emotions and motives of other people so i asked my friend if she wanna explain to me why this phrase was a negative one for her. More still; it cuts deeply thru' her soul.
For her the question is; Why is it, that most of the time female sexuality is burdened with negative emotions? If a vagina loses it's virginity, so therefore her innocence, where is the cock in this story? Isn't a cock just as guilty? Although i didn't place losing your virginity in this context, and doesn't see this in a negative way, i find this an interesting point of view. i didn't look at it this way. i'm grateful for the feedback i get from others because this enlarge my horizon and is giving me new perceptions. It means growth. Also i'm very curious what your opinions are about this topic. Perhaps there were more readers who interpret the phrase about the not longer innocent cunt as negative. Or maybe you're as surprised as i am? For me every human being is innocent as a baby ànd also as guilty as a sinner. In a positive way. Is that possible? A sinner in a positive meaning? i appreciate your comments very much.

i'm a sinner and a saint and everything in between.