Un peu nerveux

Photograph: Gilles Berquet

Chat

As T. mailed me to get ready for Him on monday-evening 'cause we're going to chat my girl, my heart jumped. He's not exactly a man who chats, so this was very special. Maybe this was my reward for being such a patient slave, waiting in silence for the attention from my busy Master.
In the beginning we were talking about daily (vanilla) life but the sexual tension between us was obvious. Very naturally our 'buddies-feeling' transformed into a Master-slave mood. Wobbling and giggling i couldn't resist the urge to dare my Owner with wordplay. Then T. commanded me to put on the cam and i wasn't that cheeky any longer. Very aware of the fact that my Owner observes me i tried not to pick my nose or make funny faces. ;-) It's a pity that T. doesn't have a cam so He's observing me and i try to be as pretty as i can.

He commands me to place two pegs on my nipples. Now He's observing me, it's impossible to smuggle. It has been too long ago therefore ai! it hurts a lot. As i'm on my own i replace the pegs to a less sensitive spot, but not now. I swallow the pain that travels thru my body and after a while i don't feel the pain as pain. This slavegirl is getting excited and i feel that i'm very moist. I have to put in the big dildo. T. wants me to aim the cam on my cunt so that He can see it very clear. I have to put in the dildo very deep and masturbate with it. But i'm not allowed to orgasm! Everytime as my Owner informs me about this i get even more aroused. When it becomes too much i stop only a short time. Then i have to aim the cam on my face again and continue with masturbating myself with the dildo. My fluttered face.
Subtly T. reminds me on that time in a hotelroom; me astride on a chair, T. in front of me, watching me as i had to finger myself for the first time. Oh how shy i was, a bit anxious i couldn't manage to come because of this strong embarrassement.
The memory had the effect on me that T. desires; i am shy again and a bit embarrassed. Feeling this small excites me a lot. My Owner types commands and remarks. I don't have to answer but focus on the situation. Soon i loose myself totally in my excitement, the attention of T. and His eyes observing me. Actually i can feel them, heating every inch of me. As i read the words
'Now you may come!'
on the screen i drown in a delightful orgasm. I'd never thought that i could orgasm on command.

As i come down again, i suddenly feel the stinging pain from the pegs on my nipples. Oh my, it's time to face my fear. Removing the pegs. And it hurts! I feel the sting red-hot shooting thru my body. Carefully and protective i place my hands on my nipples.

My Owner decides that His slut hasn't had enough so our conversation intensifies. He whips me up with His exciting, horny, humiliating words and this slut doesn't feel embarrassed any longer about the cam aiming upon her. T. can read every emotion on my face, the movements from the dildo so deep in my cunt unburdened on the screen. After five tempestuous blasts it is enough.
When it's time to shut down T. let me know that the images of His horny slut are burned upon His retina. They're engraved in His memory. His words of excitement, longing and approval echoing in my thoughts. I will sleep like a baby.

PS; coming thursday i will meet T. again. Yippeeeee!

Prayer

Art by Heavenly Hussys

Images that make my head spin

Because of the minimal contact between T. and myself i was weary and calm. But after a number of delicious text messages from my Owner the submissive in me started to sparkle again. I woke up in a very sunny mood and thoughts about my Owner excited me. I sended a morning greeting and the question if i was allowed to come.

I give you an orgasm-command; you're allowed to come on the toilet the way I've teached you. Like a dirty girl, the horny obliging piss-slut of your Owner.

This answer makes me feel small. Those words; dirty, horny, obliging piss-slut are affecting me somehow. They feel humiliating and degrading. But my body-reactions make very clear that those affecting words arouses me very much.
I am wondering if i had to pee in my pantyhose or if i have to pee over my hand and then taste it. Given that i have to do it on the toilet i choose for the last option. To finger myself on the toilet does a lot to me. It feels disparaging and very, very slutty. To do this on the wc is dirty, to me that is. Probably acquired behavior from my childhood; the toilet is a dirty place. So dirty piss-slut is a correct definition. * blush * Nevertheless without any shame i sit down astride. As i start to pee i hold my hand in the warm spurt of piss and don't hesitate a bit. It almost feels trusted already. It arouses me ever more. Because T. wants me to do this. Because He's thinking of me at that very moment, knowing what i'm doing. As the piss runs down my hand, suddenly i smell it much stronger and very aware, i almost come. Because i'm thinking of my Owner, imagining how He would piss over me. His smell in my hair, His taste in my mouth. How would that be? I never could presume that i'm craving for it right now. These thoughts that make me come without using my fingers. But i can hold my orgasm. I wanna enjoy this intense excitement a little bit longer. Conscious tasting and smelling my pee. Because as i stop pissing, i place my fingers in my mouth and taste myself. I feel light-headed. T. buzzes in my thoughts. Carefully i lick my fingers. Feeling embarrassed but oh so horny. So terribly aroused. Thoughts on my Owner are connecting us, as if He's standing next to me.

i can feel His firm grip in my hair, pulling my head backwards.
"Open your mouth!"
i see His penetrating glance before He pisses in my mouth and i don't let it run but i swallow and swallow and heave and swallow and taste. Him. i don't wanna spill a drop. And my Owner burns in my stomach. He glows on my cheeks after the slap in the face.

Deep i push my fingers inside of me and roughly moving them in and out. Rough and hard, so that i dispel my intense craving to my Owner. In between i hit my cunt and then again..... rough and hard. Even harder because this craving hurts. As an orgasm arises i push my fingers deeper and start to pee again. The orgasm overflows me and gets on for a long time. While images of my Owners eyes observing me, his hands torturing me and His warm piss that runs over me are making my head spin.

'Lift me up, lift me up ooooooh lala lala.'

Cocoon

Is it because of autumn? At the moment i don't have any words. Though i have a lot to write about; the Pavlov effect for instance, or am i a devoted slave? Because also towards T. i don't have any words. So i shove the commands away. I live inside of my head; introverted, most comfortable when painting, drawing, listening to music and in the evening not behind the computer but in my warm bed, reading. My cocoon, a safe, warm little nest. I'm feeling great but i am less communicative. I read all your posts but for you i also have no or less words at the moment. It will come in time, i hope rather quick. Because i have so much to write about but my nest is so comfortable, warm and safe.
Nevertheless i hope to leave this nest very soon to meet my Owner again. It has been too long ago. He is very busy with a big rebuilding at His place so our communication was minimal. Or doesn't He mail me 'cause i still haven't written anything and the commands pile up? He is disappointed. Is that the reason of his silence? I miss Him so much, but i don't tell Him 'cause i am a big girl. Does He miss mé? I crave for Him; his dominance, his inflicted pain, his arms around me. But i don't have any words to tell him what i feel. So i make this cocoon to dream dreams full of desire and meekness. Without words.

That He understands His girl

That evening i received the following textmessage from T. that warmed my heart:
Resigned girl of me, keep faith and courage because your are Mine! Mail me, if necessary short ones, but stay with me! I am fond of my girl, sub and slut.

He commanded me to come twice, with clamps on my labia. That evening i received much more textmessages from my Sir and i returned as much answers. And two times became more......

I was so happy with my Owners reaction. I still have to get used to the idea that T. also cares about me if i suffice little to his wishes sometimes. That He doesn't get angry if i am at times less submissive. That He understands his girl. That He doesn't feed my insecurity but takes it away and replace strength and love instead. So totally different from my former experiences. Now i experience how a D/s relationship supposed to be. Ofcourse i knew already in my dreams but didn't experience it before. T. doesn't need to profile his dominance by anger and pushing me down. He brings me to submission by his insight, his understanding and love. And perhaps He's disappointed about the neglected (soon completed) commands, but He doesn't bring this out when i'm not with him. Because He knows that will make me worrying about it, cogitating. Sure He reminds me at times about the neglection, but He doesn't show his disappointment about it yet. He knows that i'm not neglecting them out of unwillingness. He knows i respect his commands. But when we're together He will let me feel his discontent about it. Harsh but lovingly. Meanwhile i grate myself even more comfortable in my nest and notice how words bubble up again. Meekness becomes craving energy.

Thank God for Owners who understand how to get their girls on their knees again. ;-)