In a mail T. wrote about a loading ramp (from the bus?) in which i have to take place, naked, on my hands and knees. Hmmmmm such a delicious mindfuck, i wrote back to Him, thinking of the jute cloth covering my head. Who's talking about a mindfuck? I'm not. Ooooops, scary feelings and at the same time intense excitement. i'm slightly claustrofobic, i think, but for now i'm restless and heavenly jumpy. Very jumpy.
My Owner isn't the only one arduous tinkering. Nah, in the beginning of our relationship He has send me some orders to begin with. i had to paint two clothespins and upon them the fonts T/t. Upon one of them also the font 'l', upon the other one 'r'. i was allowed to choose the colours. The meaning of the fonts is clear. Right? Some time later i had to paint two clothespins again. This time i had to paint the fonts T/k upon them and again 'l' and 'r'. These clothespins will help me to toughen my nipples and labia 'cause sometimes i have to place the clothespins on them. As it happens to be far too long ago to have clamps or clothespins on my sensitive parts.
The artist in me didn't wanna use unthinkingly some nice colours. The colour i'll use has to be one with a symbolic meaning. The T/t clothespins are painted in a darkbrown colour: raw umber. An earthy colour absorbing most of the light. Intuïtive this colour can bring cosiness; thinking of a brown pub, coffee, chocolate. Umber derive from the Latin Ombra, meaning shadow. The inside and the 'bite' of the clothespin i've painted fiery red. Red is the colour of love, lust, passion, heat, energy and also anger. Red is frequently used as a symbol of guilt or sin, often as connected with blood or sex. But it's also used as a symbol of courage and sacrifice. In Roman Catholic tradition it is used for all feast days of Christian martyrs. T. likes this colour 'cause
it impersonates punished skin. The discolouration of your skin because of a sequence of beating that never seems to stop; your tortured skin that expires from scarlet red to vermilion to carmine red. These expiring play of colours you know all too well mo, and it's possible that I inform you about the progression of this range of colouring when punishing you.
The T/k clothespins are painted with the same red, but the outside is, for the contrast, ivory white. Oh yes, and this sweet subbie makes it easy for her Owner; so that He doesn't have to look which pin is right or left. So, instead of the fonts 'l' and 'r' i made a symbol symbolising cunt. A circle and within it a line.
According to Goethe there was nothing as intact as white light. i like this 'cause pain is healing me, making me intact. White has àll the colours in it. Intuïtive, white is the colour of innocence and purity. Which symbolise the little girl in me. Also: from the cunt that has lost it's innocence virginity becomes new life, innocence. A white flag stands for surrender yourself. i hope you can follow a bit my line of thought. Therefore the clothespins are each others antithesis; dark-light, ying-yang, but also identical, interconnected thru the colour of blood. They make each other complete like a Dominant and a submissive complete each other.
Meanwhile i'm happily jumpy till the first day of spring.
