Nasty red

When T. gave me the instruction to let grow my left little fingernail, i thought 'nice instruction.' At that time i didn't realize that this instruction turned out to be a subtle way to deepen my submissiveness. My little fingernails are growing the quickest, so it didn't take too long before i had a nice, moderate long nail on both my little fingers. I thought this was the beginning of eventually let grow all my fingernails 'cause i'm a nailbiter. I didn't see through that my Owner was especially interested in the left nail. So the nails of my little fingers are growing, i fulfill a given instruction that wasn't that hard, mission completed. I was satisfied with my progression and hoped that my Owner was as satisfied as i am. I didn't inform T. yet about my progression. And the satisfaction about myself wasn't appropriate. But this i only realize just now. But i'm way ahead of the facts.

During a thrilling soccergame of my youngest son, i was biting my nails. I am never aware of biting my nails, but suddenly i stopped and realized i bit off my left, or in fact my Owners left little fingernail. This sucked a lot and then the deeper meaning of T.'s instruction came thru. Suddenly i am more than aware of this (then bitten) nail. I still hadn't inform T. about my progress and didn't inform Him about this failure. But since that moment of perception i didn't bite my left little fingernail again.
As i meet my Owner again He wants to see my His nail. The nail has grown just a little bit, isn't worthwile enough. I tell T. about my failure. Despite of Your calm statement that the nail isn't good enough (yet) i notice Your hidden disappointment. This deepens even more my awareness about the nail and the desire not to disappoint You again.

Then the nail has an appealing length. At least long enough to paint it. I take care of the nail, i had bought some stuff like nailhardener and topcoat etc. I paint the nail in a dark purple. While i do this i feel dancing butterflies upon my spine. I am more than aware of T.'s Dominance over me. Taking care of and painting the nail, making me feel intensely the slave i am. I am doing this for Him, my Master who ownes me, because He wants me to do this. And i can assure you dear reader, for a nailbiter like me, not biting nails is hard. So sometimes i still bite except the little fingernails. I send T. some pictures of His nail. He tells me about colors and that He also likes a nasty red. He didn't order anything but i understand what i have to do. At the pharmacist in my neighborhood i buy me the nastiest red they have. I remove the dark purple and in upper concentration i paint His nail nasty red. These acts feel like a ritual. T. feels very close at that moment. The nail isn't mine anymore, the nail is His. Property. Pleasant impulses tickle everywhere. It isn't so much the act or the instruction that arouses me, but the feeling of my humility to His wish. He prescribes and i follow. I admire His outstanding flaming red nail. He's so obvious, but at the same time so subtle present as a sign of me being owned. Taking care of the nail, painting it, like a ritual; it feels like a collar. This beautiful red nail is His. The psychological effect of His dominance over me feels so good and exciting and deeply, deeply submissive. That something 'simple' like this can have such an huge impact. It amazes me and makes me feel grateful, humble ánd aroused as well. The nail is still growing to a elegant length and i am looking for an even more nasty red.