The naked self

Amazed i look at the green light of the webcam. The green light that isn't a green light. But the eyes of my Owner. No, i'm not craving that much that i go nuts or something. Craving, yes. And very astonished that even a chat on messenger with T. touches me that deeply.

At first we were talking about daily life. But soon enough there were our dark desires and fantasies. Making me giggle and blushing at the beginning because of my arising horniness. Somehow T. always manage to make me shy, ashamed of my hungry lust. Ofcourse T. mentions with emphasis my lust. He knows exactly how to make me feel small. Just like He knows how shy i become when observing me. He doesn't have a webcam, mine is on. This ofcourse intensifies the feeling of being observed. I have to stand up so T. can watch my tits. He commands me to place two pegs on my nipples. This hurts a lot, those miserable, sensitive nipples of mine. Then i'm allowed to sit again, so He can observe my face. Our conversation continues. About a fantasy that arouses me a lot. So the pain on my nipples fades away. I have to aim the camera on my face, a little bit closer. Looking straight into the camera. As if looking at Him. I have to finger myself, but i'm not allowed to orgasm.

Is that clear?
Yes Master.

Somewhat provoking i look up at the camera, eagerly starting to masturbate. But it doesn't take long, the lust to masturbate vanishes. I notice i become emotional. All the time looking at the camera but my hands resting calm in my lap. Tears welling up. I would like to hide my face behind my hands right now. Too naked. This is the first time someone is observing me this consciously. This is the first time someone is seeing me this clear. Wants to see me this clear. Restlessness befalls me and i sway my chair. Back and forth. There is silence, no messages i can focus on. Only a little green light observing me. T.'s eyes. Is He still there? What's He doing? It seems hours and time stands still. Because of my restlessness i suddenly feel the pain from the pegs again. Those i have to take down from my nipples right now!
No!

is the decided answer from my Owner. Which arouses me very much. Ah, He's still here and He is watching. He's watching me. I can feel His presence, His glance resting upon me. Then i surrender. Peace comes over me and i look straight into the camera. A smile upon my face.

To be continued......

A cold skin but a glowing heart

This new year excists a week now, but i couldn't find the words to write a new post. But yesterdays experience gave me new inspiration. A chilly post, this first one in 2009.
My Owner determines my orgasms. He tells me if i may come (Orgasm Command) or if i may not (Orgasm Ban). Yesterday morning; my bed was warm and cozy, i was snoozing, my hands were wandering a bit and my favourite dark fantasies swirled thru my thoughts, arousing me. So therefore i sended my Owner a textmessage with a goodmorning kiss and a request to orgasm. Laying comfy under the warm blankets i was waiting for an answer. Meanwhile my hands weren't wandering any longer but finding their intention in a effective way and the fantasies that first swirled softly, ardently heated my thoughts and body. This effectivity of my hands did their job all too well. Only a short time, just a minute, i was aware of the disobedience that's on the way but it was already too late. Lust took over and i came. Not long after that i came again. Deliberate disobedient this time. Contrite i sended T. a textmessage. The answer came very fast. Ah, Master was well aware of my request but was testing the patience and submission of His girl? Even more contrite.
'Horny slut and disobedient slavegirl!!! For punishment I command you to come again. Standing naked in front of the mirror in the cold.'
You must know this is a real punishment although it doesn't look like it at first. The house in which i live is a big house, with high ceilings, marble floors in the corridors and the rooms are heated by gasheaters. The day before i told my Owner about the coolness in my house. I love a fresh bedroom so the gasheater is on the pilot flame. So awakening and getting up is hard now the winter is so cold. In the morning i turn on the heater and go back to my warm bed for five minutes till the room is warm. This morning the gasheater wasn't on yet. I also find it very hard to masturbate in front of the mirror looking at myself. Another message from T.
'Come on slut, into the cold with that warm body of yours and masturbate yourself in front of the mirror. If I were with you I had send you into the snow.'
I jumped out of bed, undressed myself and was standing in front of the mirror. Goosebumps on my skin. Shivering i started to finger myself again. But this was a punishment and it felt like a punishment. I couldn't loose myself into my horniness. Sometimes i looked at myself into the mirror. Although i hate it to look at myself, it also excites me at the same time. I focused on my fingers. Because i came already two times not that long ago, i was lucky that it didn't took too long to come a third time. This time it didn't feel like a blast, the guilt kept gnawing. This disobedience will be punished our next meeting that's for sure, but i wanted to do something right now. To please my Owner. I put on some warm socks, jumper and skirts. Naked legs and cunt. I had a plan. The garden is beautiful in winter. With a beautiful carpet of snow. My Owners last message inspired me. He isn't with me in the flesh, but He sure is with me thru His words. In my heart.

As i raise my skirt a bit and pushing my knees in the snow T. is with me. More than. For a moment i feel nothing, a second. Than the cold is deeply penetrating my naked skin, the cold hurts. A kind of paralysing feeling. The cold draws up against my thighs and strikes my warm cunt. An intense sensation. The cold feels good. I think of my Owner and what He will thinking about this. The cold penetrates my body but my heart is glowing. How does my heart glow that's beating faster for Him.

Nasty red

When T. gave me the instruction to let grow my left little fingernail, i thought 'nice instruction.' At that time i didn't realize that this instruction turned out to be a subtle way to deepen my submissiveness. My little fingernails are growing the quickest, so it didn't take too long before i had a nice, moderate long nail on both my little fingers. I thought this was the beginning of eventually let grow all my fingernails 'cause i'm a nailbiter. I didn't see through that my Owner was especially interested in the left nail. So the nails of my little fingers are growing, i fulfill a given instruction that wasn't that hard, mission completed. I was satisfied with my progression and hoped that my Owner was as satisfied as i am. I didn't inform T. yet about my progression. And the satisfaction about myself wasn't appropriate. But this i only realize just now. But i'm way ahead of the facts.

During a thrilling soccergame of my youngest son, i was biting my nails. I am never aware of biting my nails, but suddenly i stopped and realized i bit off my left, or in fact my Owners left little fingernail. This sucked a lot and then the deeper meaning of T.'s instruction came thru. Suddenly i am more than aware of this (then bitten) nail. I still hadn't inform T. about my progress and didn't inform Him about this failure. But since that moment of perception i didn't bite my left little fingernail again.
As i meet my Owner again He wants to see my His nail. The nail has grown just a little bit, isn't worthwile enough. I tell T. about my failure. Despite of Your calm statement that the nail isn't good enough (yet) i notice Your hidden disappointment. This deepens even more my awareness about the nail and the desire not to disappoint You again.

Then the nail has an appealing length. At least long enough to paint it. I take care of the nail, i had bought some stuff like nailhardener and topcoat etc. I paint the nail in a dark purple. While i do this i feel dancing butterflies upon my spine. I am more than aware of T.'s Dominance over me. Taking care of and painting the nail, making me feel intensely the slave i am. I am doing this for Him, my Master who ownes me, because He wants me to do this. And i can assure you dear reader, for a nailbiter like me, not biting nails is hard. So sometimes i still bite except the little fingernails. I send T. some pictures of His nail. He tells me about colors and that He also likes a nasty red. He didn't order anything but i understand what i have to do. At the pharmacist in my neighborhood i buy me the nastiest red they have. I remove the dark purple and in upper concentration i paint His nail nasty red. These acts feel like a ritual. T. feels very close at that moment. The nail isn't mine anymore, the nail is His. Property. Pleasant impulses tickle everywhere. It isn't so much the act or the instruction that arouses me, but the feeling of my humility to His wish. He prescribes and i follow. I admire His outstanding flaming red nail. He's so obvious, but at the same time so subtle present as a sign of me being owned. Taking care of the nail, painting it, like a ritual; it feels like a collar. This beautiful red nail is His. The psychological effect of His dominance over me feels so good and exciting and deeply, deeply submissive. That something 'simple' like this can have such an huge impact. It amazes me and makes me feel grateful, humble ánd aroused as well. The nail is still growing to a elegant length and i am looking for an even more nasty red.

Chat

As T. mailed me to get ready for Him on monday-evening 'cause we're going to chat my girl, my heart jumped. He's not exactly a man who chats, so this was very special. Maybe this was my reward for being such a patient slave, waiting in silence for the attention from my busy Master.
In the beginning we were talking about daily (vanilla) life but the sexual tension between us was obvious. Very naturally our 'buddies-feeling' transformed into a Master-slave mood. Wobbling and giggling i couldn't resist the urge to dare my Owner with wordplay. Then T. commanded me to put on the cam and i wasn't that cheeky any longer. Very aware of the fact that my Owner observes me i tried not to pick my nose or make funny faces. ;-) It's a pity that T. doesn't have a cam so He's observing me and i try to be as pretty as i can.

He commands me to place two pegs on my nipples. Now He's observing me, it's impossible to smuggle. It has been too long ago therefore ai! it hurts a lot. As i'm on my own i replace the pegs to a less sensitive spot, but not now. I swallow the pain that travels thru my body and after a while i don't feel the pain as pain. This slavegirl is getting excited and i feel that i'm very moist. I have to put in the big dildo. T. wants me to aim the cam on my cunt so that He can see it very clear. I have to put in the dildo very deep and masturbate with it. But i'm not allowed to orgasm! Everytime as my Owner informs me about this i get even more aroused. When it becomes too much i stop only a short time. Then i have to aim the cam on my face again and continue with masturbating myself with the dildo. My fluttered face.
Subtly T. reminds me on that time in a hotelroom; me astride on a chair, T. in front of me, watching me as i had to finger myself for the first time. Oh how shy i was, a bit anxious i couldn't manage to come because of this strong embarrassement.
The memory had the effect on me that T. desires; i am shy again and a bit embarrassed. Feeling this small excites me a lot. My Owner types commands and remarks. I don't have to answer but focus on the situation. Soon i loose myself totally in my excitement, the attention of T. and His eyes observing me. Actually i can feel them, heating every inch of me. As i read the words
'Now you may come!'
on the screen i drown in a delightful orgasm. I'd never thought that i could orgasm on command.

As i come down again, i suddenly feel the stinging pain from the pegs on my nipples. Oh my, it's time to face my fear. Removing the pegs. And it hurts! I feel the sting red-hot shooting thru my body. Carefully and protective i place my hands on my nipples.

My Owner decides that His slut hasn't had enough so our conversation intensifies. He whips me up with His exciting, horny, humiliating words and this slut doesn't feel embarrassed any longer about the cam aiming upon her. T. can read every emotion on my face, the movements from the dildo so deep in my cunt unburdened on the screen. After five tempestuous blasts it is enough.
When it's time to shut down T. let me know that the images of His horny slut are burned upon His retina. They're engraved in His memory. His words of excitement, longing and approval echoing in my thoughts. I will sleep like a baby.

PS; coming thursday i will meet T. again. Yippeeeee!

Images that make my head spin

Because of the minimal contact between T. and myself i was weary and calm. But after a number of delicious text messages from my Owner the submissive in me started to sparkle again. I woke up in a very sunny mood and thoughts about my Owner excited me. I sended a morning greeting and the question if i was allowed to come.

I give you an orgasm-command; you're allowed to come on the toilet the way I've teached you. Like a dirty girl, the horny obliging piss-slut of your Owner.

This answer makes me feel small. Those words; dirty, horny, obliging piss-slut are affecting me somehow. They feel humiliating and degrading. But my body-reactions make very clear that those affecting words arouses me very much.
I am wondering if i had to pee in my pantyhose or if i have to pee over my hand and then taste it. Given that i have to do it on the toilet i choose for the last option. To finger myself on the toilet does a lot to me. It feels disparaging and very, very slutty. To do this on the wc is dirty, to me that is. Probably acquired behavior from my childhood; the toilet is a dirty place. So dirty piss-slut is a correct definition. * blush * Nevertheless without any shame i sit down astride. As i start to pee i hold my hand in the warm spurt of piss and don't hesitate a bit. It almost feels trusted already. It arouses me ever more. Because T. wants me to do this. Because He's thinking of me at that very moment, knowing what i'm doing. As the piss runs down my hand, suddenly i smell it much stronger and very aware, i almost come. Because i'm thinking of my Owner, imagining how He would piss over me. His smell in my hair, His taste in my mouth. How would that be? I never could presume that i'm craving for it right now. These thoughts that make me come without using my fingers. But i can hold my orgasm. I wanna enjoy this intense excitement a little bit longer. Conscious tasting and smelling my pee. Because as i stop pissing, i place my fingers in my mouth and taste myself. I feel light-headed. T. buzzes in my thoughts. Carefully i lick my fingers. Feeling embarrassed but oh so horny. So terribly aroused. Thoughts on my Owner are connecting us, as if He's standing next to me.

i can feel His firm grip in my hair, pulling my head backwards.
"Open your mouth!"
i see His penetrating glance before He pisses in my mouth and i don't let it run but i swallow and swallow and heave and swallow and taste. Him. i don't wanna spill a drop. And my Owner burns in my stomach. He glows on my cheeks after the slap in the face.

Deep i push my fingers inside of me and roughly moving them in and out. Rough and hard, so that i dispel my intense craving to my Owner. In between i hit my cunt and then again..... rough and hard. Even harder because this craving hurts. As an orgasm arises i push my fingers deeper and start to pee again. The orgasm overflows me and gets on for a long time. While images of my Owners eyes observing me, his hands torturing me and His warm piss that runs over me are making my head spin.

'Lift me up, lift me up ooooooh lala lala.'

Cocoon

Is it because of autumn? At the moment i don't have any words. Though i have a lot to write about; the Pavlov effect for instance, or am i a devoted slave? Because also towards T. i don't have any words. So i shove the commands away. I live inside of my head; introverted, most comfortable when painting, drawing, listening to music and in the evening not behind the computer but in my warm bed, reading. My cocoon, a safe, warm little nest. I'm feeling great but i am less communicative. I read all your posts but for you i also have no or less words at the moment. It will come in time, i hope rather quick. Because i have so much to write about but my nest is so comfortable, warm and safe.
Nevertheless i hope to leave this nest very soon to meet my Owner again. It has been too long ago. He is very busy with a big rebuilding at His place so our communication was minimal. Or doesn't He mail me 'cause i still haven't written anything and the commands pile up? He is disappointed. Is that the reason of his silence? I miss Him so much, but i don't tell Him 'cause i am a big girl. Does He miss mé? I crave for Him; his dominance, his inflicted pain, his arms around me. But i don't have any words to tell him what i feel. So i make this cocoon to dream dreams full of desire and meekness. Without words.

That He understands His girl

That evening i received the following textmessage from T. that warmed my heart:
Resigned girl of me, keep faith and courage because your are Mine! Mail me, if necessary short ones, but stay with me! I am fond of my girl, sub and slut.

He commanded me to come twice, with clamps on my labia. That evening i received much more textmessages from my Sir and i returned as much answers. And two times became more......

I was so happy with my Owners reaction. I still have to get used to the idea that T. also cares about me if i suffice little to his wishes sometimes. That He doesn't get angry if i am at times less submissive. That He understands his girl. That He doesn't feed my insecurity but takes it away and replace strength and love instead. So totally different from my former experiences. Now i experience how a D/s relationship supposed to be. Ofcourse i knew already in my dreams but didn't experience it before. T. doesn't need to profile his dominance by anger and pushing me down. He brings me to submission by his insight, his understanding and love. And perhaps He's disappointed about the neglected (soon completed) commands, but He doesn't bring this out when i'm not with him. Because He knows that will make me worrying about it, cogitating. Sure He reminds me at times about the neglection, but He doesn't show his disappointment about it yet. He knows that i'm not neglecting them out of unwillingness. He knows i respect his commands. But when we're together He will let me feel his discontent about it. Harsh but lovingly. Meanwhile i grate myself even more comfortable in my nest and notice how words bubble up again. Meekness becomes craving energy.

Thank God for Owners who understand how to get their girls on their knees again. ;-)

Impact; letter to my Owner

Being Your piss-slut has far more impact than i ever thought it would be. As i received your textmessage in which you gave me the command to be ready for Your phonecall at half past eleven it started to tickle. Everywhere. Nervous but excited. Because Your instructions made very clear what Your intentions are.
The photographs i sended You; on which i pee and even put my fingers in my mouth, did charm You. The embarrassement got a grip on me in full fierceness as You told me that i was a dirty girl. You spoke about the pictures; Such a dirty slut you are, doing all this kinda stuff.

I love it as you speak to me in that way. Suddenly i felt very small. As You put it this way, pointing it out, it feels humiliating. The slut wasn't a braggart any longer but transformed into this little girl. Shame about my behaviour. But such a delicious shame. Meanwhile no sane words came out of my mouth any longer.

What are you mo? Tell me.

A dirty girl Master.

What do you say? Say it again, but now more clear. What are you mo?

A dirty girl T.

Yes mo, you áre a dirty slut. Now i wanna hear it loud and clear. What are you mo?

A dirty slut T.

And who's dirty slut are you?

i am Yóur dirty slut Master.

Finally i could pronounce these words loud and clear without nervous giggling. That made me Yours very deep and intense. Especially the little girl stayed on the foreground this time. I don't act as a little girl, i ám. That's how i feel at that very moment. It surprised me as i heard myself so evident and therefore saw myself.

You ordered me to drink lots of water until You call. I did this properly. I didn't wear underwear but thights and high heels. Also Your command. As You called me i had this very strong urge to pee, i even was worried if i could hold it. But there you have it; sometimes i can't hold my pee, but at the moment You command me: Piss slut! i can't. Little bits of pee and then nothing..... I concentrate myself on peeing while i hear Your voice in my ear, i squeeze and yes a little bit more. Little bit. Not the flood you wished to hear and i willingly wanted to give You. When we finished our phone call You instructed me to piss once more in my pantyhose. In the bathroom, alone, it did came. I felt my warm moistness and as i fingered myself in Your command i smelled myself. My warm, heated piss. The smell confused me. It wasn't really dirty, but extremely penetrating. Ofcourse i have smelled piss more often, but then it didn't reach me, i think i could preclude the smell of it. But now the scent got through deeply and touched me. Also as You on the phone command me to lick my wet fingers this intense, confusing smell. A metallic, heavy scent. A slightly bitter, salty taste. It made me a bit faint. The smell lingered for a long time. Even as i participate again my daily activities, go shopping etc. A faint feeling in my stomach. Nervousness. I was surprised by this nervous feeling and i examined where this feeling come from. I didn't find the answer, but some indications. The smelling and most of all the tasting made clear this isn't my 'thing'. The excitement i experience has to do with my dedication. I am doing this because You, my Owner demands me. That's why i like this. But therefore also this tension i think. This is about total surrender, this makes me more than ever Your slave. Your property. Grrrrr i can't find the right words. Submissiveness and devotion. To be, just to be. Yours. Slave.

As i smelled myself this strong, so thís is how slavegirl smells, i had to cry. This all has great impact on me dear T., my beloved Owner. Astonishing, intense, confusing, enchanting.

A heartfelt kiss from Your slave, Your mo.

More pictures.

That needs punishment

Geez, i was a bad slave unintentional. During the good-bye at our last meeting, my Owner still had an instruction for me. I bite my nails, so T. wants me to let grow the nail of my left little finger. Building it up quietly, so that's very sweet of him. This shouldn't be too hard 'cause there are nine nails left to nibble on. Right? But i must point out that i bite my nails unthinkingly. I'm not aware that i'm doing it. Until last wednesday. I was biting my nails, also the left ones and suddenly i was aware of it very much. Too late. Ofcourse i stopped immediately, but nevertheless i was a bad, bad girl. I love long fingernails, so i hope i can manage. (Ofcourse i can manage, i wanna please T., making him happy)

Furthermore i'm a bit confused about my rebellious behaviour. As i already defined in an older post, there are quiet some instructions i received from my Owner but didn't do. Not because of nastiness but (even worse in fact) because of indolence. Also; i don't obey my Owners rules. I'm on an orgasm-ban again. Thursday evening i was lying on my bed, reading a bit and my mind wandered of to my Owner. As always; thinking of my Owner arouses me. Very much. So i sended him a text message asking him to allow me to cum. There was no answer. Because i was very tired i fell asleep as a good girl. The next morning i didn't have to get up early and yes.... i was weak and rebellious. Against the rules of my Owner i fingered myself to a climax. After it, i felt guilty and confessed this misbehavior to T.
Orgasm without permission of your Owner?! Tonight penance: four pegs thirty minutes on your slutcunt. Is that clear? was the short textmessage i received from T. while i was at work. Immidiately followed by; Extra punishment: fifteen minutes two pegs on your nipples. I only could answer with a timid yes Master. Feeling very small and guilty.

In the evening, after work i immidiately accomplished my Owners command. I placed four pegs on my labia and after fifteen minutes two on my nipples. Two pegs on my labia and the two on my nipples hurt a lot. My sensitive nipples on which i can stand little. Sometimes as i have a command like this i replace the pegs as they hurt too much ( i know; not a good girl at all) but this time i didn't. This is punishment so i was strict, in fact my Owner was strict through me. So i didn't replace the painful pegs. At first this was difficult, but i endured. I was focused on my Owner and the punishment. The pain is the punishment and i did deserve this pain. So i accepted it and persisted. Slowly the pain drained away and became bearable. It shrined and hurted. Yeah i know, sometimes i am a dolt. Because i did this for my Owner, hís command, it felt good and comforting my heart.
After thirty minutes i removed the pegs. Ouch, thát hurts. A textmessage to T. making clear that i completed the punishment and ofcourse i thanked him. In spite of (or must i say because of) the pain i was very wet. I didn't feel any mental excitement at that point, more meekness and gratitude. But as i thanked T. for the punishment also the mental excitement stroke. Feeling that small, humble and submissive arouses me very much. An incorrigible slut i am afraid. The next morning i was teasing my Owner by sending him naughty textmessages. My heart missed a beat as my cellphone jingled. The voice of my Owner, in which i could hear amusement and
severity as well, immidiately transformed this rebellious, provoking slut into a giggling, shy girl. Suddenly i didn't braggart any longer. T. adjusted an orgasm-command while He was listening to me. And i didn't have that much time 'cause He was busy. Giggling girl was a good girl and didn't disappoint her Owner at that moment.

Range of colouring

So beautiful what trust can bring. During the last meeting with my Owner i haven't felt fear for one second. Not even while He was fisting me. Because of this i could take more, also on my (very sensitive) breasts. Although i didn't dare to look at the very tight breastbondage. How they change color from red to a bluish dark purple. First i may carefully touch them and then ofcourse T. let me look at them anyhow. I used to find it scary but i loved it, not scary at all. A great unforseen circumstance of the tight bondage is that the breasts very quickly mark. Beautiful screaming red and blue spots. My left tit wasn't as tight tied on as the right one and showed less marks from my Owner. I am so proud of these marks of love. My right tit still has marks colouring from dark purple to blue to green and yellow. Hmmm strange creatures we submissive girls are. I can imagine this sounds weird if you don't have a thing with SM. But i am standing in front of the mirror again and again to admire my coloured bum and bruised breasts.

Not even a week ago i met my Owner but i miss Him already very much. Probably because my shiny little cloud slowly disolves. And reality hits me in the face once again. T. sends me a textmessage that He also wants his girl with him, craving to torture her. This comforts me a bit. In between our meetings the connection consists exclusively of mail and textmessages. Mostly very intensive i must say. But after a meeting i have this strong urge to talk on. Our form of contact is hard work, because sometimes i miss the leash and become disorganized. I've read some old posts again and not following my Owners Instructions or in fact pushing them forward is a returning issue. Nonetheless this shouldn't happen because i feel T.'s slavegirl in every bodyfibre. And this feeling is getting stronger after each meeting. So i don't understand how this works for me. I'm not only his slave when i'm with Him. This feeling is always there, inside my heart and being. Hm, this girl is going to work very hard at obeying my Owners Instructions and perhaps be more in focus. For now i strongely feel that my disorder is the reason why i doesn't feel the leash as strong as i want it to feel. Grrrrrr sometimes i don't understand myself. Oh well the consequence of my carelessness are those beautiful blue spots, although....... I even get those if i'm sweet and obedient. Just thinking.

i may enclose Him

Kneeling on the hard floor i await my Owner with a butterfly heart full of expectations. As He stands before me, He opens his pants and i inhale with passion his scent. His scent that stuns me and summons dark desires. He puts his hands on my head and pushes his Cock in my eagerly mouth. I taste him and preferably i wanna suck him in deep, but He warns his slut to slow down. To suck him isn't allowed, i have to feel and explore. With my tongue i explore his already trusted masculinity, the swelling, the beginning of his head, i circle around the top, feeling the little hole, also feeling how He grows in my warm mouth. For a moment my mouth and tongue are at rest. Silently i'm sitting at his feet, enjoying this intimacy. This calmness is special; where i otherwise hungrily suck and lick, this silence is making me more than aware of his Cock, the one i crave so often. Then i take his balls in my mouth, feeling titilating little hairs, softly i suck in his balls. His hands on my head is giving me security. Again i take his Cock in my mouth, and it's very hard not to suck and giving pleasure. T. pulls back, walking away to fetch the cane. Desirous i lick my lips, i wanna taste and drink him so badly. My desire is granted 'cause T. is pushing his Cock in my mouth again. Deep. Meanwhile He's beating my bum with the cane, while his other hand is grabbing my hair firmly. His hand grabbing my hair is giving desires. Making me to suck like a fanatic, hungry, it's stronger than me. How harder the blows, how deeper i suck my Owner in, meanwhile taking care of that i don't accidently use my teeth because of the pain.

"Feel me deliberately mo, what's the difference as i beat you?"

His Cock in my mouth is a consolation as He's beating me this hard, a support, a lifebuoy. This pleases him and that makes me happy. He pushes his fingers inside of me to notice that i'm very excited. Humiliating words towards me, making me even more excited. I suck him in deeper, measuring his reactions. Searching for his most sensitive spots and i'm delighted as i notice his reactions. Doing my most utterly best, T. is pushing hard and deep, He's fucking my mouth till the shank. Sometimes i heave, which i try to suppress. But this arouses my Owner, so i receive him as deep as possible. Then He pulls back, which disappoint me 'cause i wanna please him, giving him what He deserves. That time will come but for now my Owner doesn't wanna cum yet. He's pushing me firmly against his belly, a heartfelt embrace. I feel his warm and soft belly, i smell his delicious scent. His scent, tickeling my nostrils, making me wanna kneel for Him, enclosing Him with my warm mouth so that He can form me to that what's giving Him the most pleasure. His!

Dry earth needs water

Art by Odd Nerdrum ° Pissing woman

Yes, the girl is back. I had a wonderful vacation, nice weather, lots of sun and the sea. And dry earth. The orgasm-ban was discarded, but there was one instruction from T. i had to accomplish:

this command means that you at some time seclude yourself to connect with me. This moment is chosen with care and commitment and during that moment you surrender yourself, like a devoted submissive. My posession surrenders herself to her rooted masochism and her deeply felt humility to her Master.

The place slutgirl of me can be the woods, into the mud, near a lake, in a river, lying in the sun, the museum etc..... On this specific place and at that chosen time you accomplish with all your energy and intentions a ritual of which you know that your Owner will appreciate it. A sacred act of which you know and feel that you fully become soaked of the knowing that you are Mine. My slut surrenders herself totally to her Owner, visible and complete. A moment on which you feel I'm with you. Knowing that I'm looking at you, that moment as I curl my lips out of horny pleasure. You are allowed to use everything; your body, your fluids, your own piss, your slutcunt, but most of all your own and unique fantasy and imagination.

During this act I oblige you to cum mo!


T. was travelling with me in my heart anyhow. Sometimes in the background and sometimes more clear present. The moment i drove upon the area of the little farm-campground in the middle of the Ardèche, France, i knew it. Here i will accomplish my command. A quiet campground, not so much guests. With a swimmingpool, which later on seems to be a private swimmingpool because it wasn't used often by the other guests.


A hot, sweltering day. Lazy i lie upon a blanket in the dry grass. My beloved hubbie decides to go shopping with the kids in the little town nearby. Because i'm daydreaming so lovely in the sun i don't go with them. For sure my men are away for an hour or more, so this is a perfect moment for the instruction T. gave me.

It seems like i'm the only one at the campground, such a quietness. If there's another person around, then i'm not aware of his or her presence. Lovely tranquility sometimes disturbed by a car on the road further on, and the sound withers in the distance. Soft chattering from the chickens, a buzzing insect or a lost bleating from a goat are making me peaceful and relaxed. I'm on my back looking at the blue sky. I shove the blanket upwards so that the dry grass sting my bum. I'm not naked, wearing my bathingsuit because the campgrounds owner is at home, at his farm a little bit further on. And perhaps there's a campgroundguest who is going for a walk. I focus my thoughts on T., my Possesor. The moongirl and her Sun. Sunbeams touching my body. The Sun doesn't warm me but sets me on fire. Unyielding Sun that makes me sweat. I spread my legs wide open and place my folded hands above my head. A posture that summons memories, making me crave for my Owner. I surrender myself to the Sun, the ruthless heat and my craving thoughts and fantasies. As soon as i spread my legs the desire is blazing and scorch my soul. Aroused girl. The sun is burning on my crotch making my thoughts hotter. Turning into a longing slut. I fantasize

that i'm naked. My hands and legs are affixed. My Owner in front of me on an easy chair. He has a delicious view on my wideopen cunt. The sun i called ruthless betrays my excitement. The fluid running slowely from my longing cunt is clearly, glistening visible. T. transformed my breasts into sunflowers. Colourless wooden pegs all round my tits and on my nipples the special darkbrown painted ones. Sunflowers are so apposite for southern France. Aches travelling thru my body to substantial tickeling my cunt, making it even more glistening. T. is holding a whip in his hand, sometimes beating the pegs with it in a teasing way.

"The dry earth here needs water girlie, and you take care of that."

Indeed, i become more and more liquid. After each malicious blow and the pain coming with it i feel sweat pearling on my skin. This sweat on my skin is transposed in my cunt. Thick drops of horniness.

"Disgraceful mo, how impudent you lay down here. So open wide and so obvious aroused."

So therefore i deserve hard blows on my cunt that makes me shrivel from pain. So far it's possible for a girl that's affixed on the ground. But my Tormentor knows no mercy and colours my disgraceful cunt deep red. Glowing, burning screaming red. His unapproachable glance upon me. I search his eyes but He doesn't look at me. His glance scorching every inch of my body. And i know, the sun doesn't know mercy, every flaw will be visible. I become very, very small. Suddenly He pierces his eyes into mine. For a moment i'm scared.

"And now you're going to pee mo, the earth needs much more water. You are going to pee while I watch you. Every minute passing by brings in a hard blow on your cunt. So, go ahead slut."

Oh my, i become nervous. I'm not sure if i can manage it. I don't know if i can pee on command and if someone is watching me. A hard blow on my cunt provoking a scream of pain makes clear that one minute has passed by. I recover myself and try to focus on the peeing. I can feel the urge, but somehow i hold it, i can't let it go. The second even harder blow provokes another scream and tears in my eyes.

"Tears are good mo. Valuable liquid for the dry earth."

So another hard blow swishes on my already glowing cunt. That wasn't the one minute yet. This blow was for the tears so it seems. Soon after that another blow. Wow, minutes pass by too fast. Now the tears are rolling over my cheeks. I'm aware that the blows will come disorderly and become harder each time. This consciousness is breathtaking, the pain strikes into awe. So much awe that suddenly i feel my pee running. This brings in a nice, glowing pain that makes me cum. The warm glance of my Owner makes me feel proud. The sound of the zipper of His pants and i am startled. Anxious i wait for what comes next. I knew one day this would become reality. Then T.'s piss splashes on my tormented cunt, setting it on fire even more. Again i cum. I've never experienced this before, but this feels good. Oh so humiliating but also very, very intimate. Warm and intense and i surprise myself as i naturally open my mouth to drink my Owners exquisite fluid. It's making me dizzy........

While i fantasize all this, far away in sunny France, i can feel T. very close to me. It moves me. My Owner implants this little seed; making me also his piss-slut (more about that later) and this little seed already starts sprouting in my fantasies. Drinking T.'s piss wíll become reality some day. That scares me but intrigues me at the same time. Meanwhile i was very excited, but didn't dare to masturbate at that spot. Perhaps there's someone in the neighbourhood, taking a walk. And i have the order to cum. During my fantasies i did tighten and relaxing the muscles of my cunt. Et voilá. As my fantasy did intensify on the peeing i overcame myself, and did a step across a border. I always thought i have nothing with peeing, being a piss-slut and all of that. But my excitement, the longing and craving for T., feeling Him so close to me, my stimulating thoughts and fantasies were making me pee at that moment for real. Because of that i felt intensely that i am the slavegirl of T. His Possesion, wanna make Him happy and pleased. I am His, even if He's not around me. That made me cum deeply. After my special ritual for my Owner i walked with my head in the clouds towards the swimmingpool. Fortunately there was nobody there 'cause i suppose that i looked silly with that biiiiiiiiiig smile on my face. First a shower before i slipped into the swimmingpool to cool off.

Goal!

At the moment there's the European soccer competition and instead of an orgasm-ban my Owner has decided that i have an orgasm-command for every Dutch goal. And Holland is doing very well at the moment. The first two competitions they won (3-1 & 4-1) and yesterday evening they won again (2-0)

A few days ago suddenly a beautiful but also a bit frightening feeling befalled me. But i'll start at the beginning. A while ago while i was craving intensely for my Owner and because of His mail and textmessages i was very aroused, He gave me an orgasm-ban. Ofcourse this is frustrating while you're craving so much, being aroused. But i noticed also another kind of feeling. Actually the not allowed to cum command felt really delicious. More than ever i felt myself the property of someone. The property of T. He who determines when i am allowed to cum. And with that He has an implement that has on distance a great effect. I am His and i can feel it in every fibre of my body. Because this feels so good i begged asked T. if He wants to give me this orgasm-ban. A little bit strange perhaps to ask this myself, but T. agreed with it. That was the beginning of the orgasm-ban (o-b).

Sometimes it was very difficult, but it wouldn't take long before i see Him again so i managed. T. started to like this ban more and more so i noticed. As we exchanged hot textmessages and mails and then finished it for the day, i could feel His sardonic laughter thru His last words:

'And you know mo, you're not allowed to cum. I, on the other hand, am going to masturbate on our hot words with you in my mind. Goodnight.'

Grrrrrrr but also what feels this terribly hmmmmmm.

During our last meeting we also talked about (don't ask me how this happened haha) the European championship. Just for fun, i was a bit corny, i said oh well and with every goal for Holland i have to masturbate. That's a good idea my Owner replied jokingly. Then i didn't know that the orgasm-ban changed into an orgasm-command. This became clear when T. sended me a textmessage last week when Holland had to play. Every goal stands for an orgasm on command. Watching soccer is now a totally different experience, i can assure you.

After the first match my Owner wrote to me;
'Ofcourse it was my intention to let you think of me. Like a Pavlov dog thinking of her Owner every time the Dutch team scores. Ooooooh ooooooh it was your lucky day because drie, trois, drei, three times a slut lady of her Owner!'

I remember that i thought at the third goal; hopefully it won't become more. Because that same evening/night these goals had to be transposed in orgasms. And i was very tired. Indeed it was my lucky day. It stayed 3 - 0.

In between theses matches i still have an orgasm-ban. But i've sinned once. Last week i had a very restless night, didn't get much sleep. Next morning as my kids went to school i got back into my cosy warm bed. But again i felt this restlessness and a negative stressed feeling. I released myself from this stress by masturbating. Ofcourse i mailed this to my Owner, i am a honest girl. He sended me a text message; you're a naughty, bad girl. I'll devise a proper punishment.

Oh how i wished to be at His feet at that moment, small and humble, awaiting my punishment. My Owner didn't answer. He kept silent. And then we're back at the beginning of this post. This beautiful but frightening feeling. I understood His silence very well. He was disappointed, perhaps also angry. I could imagine that. In former D/s relationships i always panicked as my Master kept silent or was angry. Feeling afraid and insecure. But now i felt quiet and meekness. Ofcourse i felt sad about my mistake, i sure don't wanna disappoint my Owner, but this peace and meekness has to do with absolute trust. Feeling and knowing that T. won't let me down. Because i am His girl, even with my mistakes. As i stood in the kitchen, drinking a glass of water, this beautiful feeling took me by surprise. A feeling i almost can't describe. A deep, intense, submissive feeling. This deep and intense i've never experienced before. I have no words for it. Again tears fill my eyes as i'm writing this down. The feeling overwhelmed me and i was a little bit afraid. But at the same time i felt intensely happy. Now i notice that my Owner walk upon a very subtle, but effective path to make me totally His. Somewhat confused i felt in a dreamless sleep.

Travelling

'YES! And do exactly what I want you to do....'

On the station i was waiting for further instructions from my Owner. He sended me these words at the moment that the train direction DB drove within. Oh my, nervously i got on the train. This time i was allowed to buy a ticket. T. loves variation. But what was He suspecting from me? What made me so nervous?

I want you to take the train from 11:26 hours. Be trustful, knowing that your Owner is near. You walk as far as possible towards the beginning of the train. Till you can't go further because of the locomotive. There mo, on that inhospitable, gloomy balcony you settle down to welcome your Owner. On the moment the train starts moving you stand up, your back against the wall, your face towards the direction we're driving. Feel it; that you're Mine, that you belong to Me. When you're ready to please Me, you send your Tormentor a textmessage. Then you take with both hands the seam of your dress and draw this up so far that My slutcunt is exhibitting itself in public. After which you close your eyes and wait.

As i got in the train i took place in a compartment for a while 'cause i didn't know which direction the train would go to. Not thinking clear because of the tension. I sended my Owner a textmessage. His reply came quickly. That i was in the last section of the train and had to start walking to the beginning. It was a long train. I started walking and was wondering about the fact that T. was good in making himself invisible while apparently He nevertheless still could observing me. Quickly i started to go on the train. Finally i was at the last balcony. Happy to see there was no one there. I had the possibility to escape from this, but this would bring in more pain for me later on. I sat down on the tip-up chair and took off my jacket. Waiting for the departure. From the locomotive i heard some noises from the engineer that made me nervous. Suppose that he is coming out while i was standing there with my skirt up drawn? Yes, i couldn't think logically any longer from that moment on haha, because as the train starts moving ofcourse the engineer couldn't come out. As i heard the whistle from the conductor i listened very concentrated. Hm he was nearby. The train started to move and i looked into the compartment to check out if the conductor was coming my direction. He wasn't. The moment of no return; i sended my Owner a textmessage (is sms also a english expression?) that his slave was ready for Him. I stood up, pushed my back against the wall, took the seam of my dress. My eyes were closed as i pulled up my skirt. There i stood astride, naked belly and cunt, waiting for T. It seemed such a long time and it was very difficult to keep my eyes closed because i heard all kind of strange noises but i holded on. Not a single time i opened my eyes. Then i felt lips on mine, a hand groping my cunt, the trusted scent of my Owner. I could resist the urge to open my eyes.

"So slavegirl, are you ready for your Master? I am going to torment you."

T. brings up that i am very wet despite of my nerves for standing with a naked cunt in public. Very wet. The first blows on my cunt appear very loud to me. I was thinking that the engineer must hear this. But i kept my eyes closed and let happen what T. has in mind.

"This feels much different than those soft slaps you gave yourself in my command, isn't it mo?"

I had to admit this. Some blows on my cheeks and i was moaning softly. A new series of blows follows and my cunt starts to glow. Then i am allowed to drop my skirt. We are on a slow train and stop by a station. Nearby He is standing, my Owner, so i am not that nervous. But i hear all kinda noises and i am wondering if there are any travellers getting in on 'our' balcony. Thoughts are keeping me busy. I'm sure it's looking strange; me standing here with my back against the wall and closed eyes. But i feel safe 'cause T. is with me. Proud am i 'cause my eyes are still closed. My Owner finds this a pity. He gladly had given me some extra punishment.

As the train is moving again He hauls my tits from my dress and bra and is beating me maliciously on my nipples. Ow, damn this really hurts a lot! I can take little on my nipples. I shrink back, trying to avoid His blows. Slap! A hard blow on my cheek. T. pushes his fingers deep inside me and starts finger fucking me. I react intensely. Not so strange because of the orgasm-ban i had. I forget totally where we are and start moaning softly, letting myself go. T. stops just before i start to come, which frustrates me. Again hard blows on my cunt. I push my coxa forward, begging for more. This ritual repeats itself for a while; blows on my cunt, slapping my face, T. finger fucking me, stopping at a station and then again........

Then it seems as if T. was gone. I reach my hands forward untill i feel Him. He turns me around, taking on my behind. Then finally i am allowed to open my eyes to look at my Owner. We hugging and kissing each other. He takes me by the hand, directing me to a compartment that can be closed. Our own 'private' spot.

T. is sitting opposite of me. I have to spread my legs widely so He can watch me carefully. T. loves my full cunt as He names it. Again i have to close my eyes. First He places two very viscious pegs on the inside of my thighs. The ones with little sharp teeth. Because my skin is thight there it causes extra pain. Followed by pegs on my labia and the American clamps with a little chain in between. These fall off very quickly while they used to have a firm grip.

"Surely you know why these clamps fall of mo? Such a terrible slut you are. Why are these clamps falling off? Tell me."

To my decency i have to admit that i know why. Because i am soaking wet, that's why. T. places the clamps again, more firmly. Now they don't fall off. T. is pulling the chain. A delicious pain, which i was craving for penetrates my body. Several fingers inside of me and i am longing for more.

"You may not cum mo!"

Finally the unavoidable happens and i orgasm.

"Ehm sorry Sir, i came a little bit."

"Cumming a little bit doesn't excist slut. You'll find out later."

Much too soon we arrived at our destination. At the same time i was happy we arrived there. Because i was intensely craving for more pain, more humiliation, more trashing. T. is pulling the leash and i will notice. Because i had asking my Owner for it, didn't i?

Apart from that indeed the engineer had heard the blows, T. told me later. At some moment he was checking it out, looking behind the door. Fortunately i had my eyes closed.

Blood

I'm getting nervous. Within 2 days i'll meet my Owner again and i don't know how or when or what. Hah! Am i a controlefreak or what? I dó know that because of daily circumstances our meeting will be shorter than other times. But hey, i am very happy to look my Owner in the eye again. My Tormentor. By the way this title comes from T. himself. I wouldn't dare to call Him that. ;-) Also Tormentor because of some url's He sended me. For inspiration. Ehmm inspiration? Oooops uncomfortable is more like it. On the sites lots of photographs of women putting all kind of things in their cunt. Strange but most of all huge objects. These photo's aren't beautiful at all. To look at them i find embarrassing and humiliating but perhaps that's the reason why T. wants me to look at them in the first place. Main point however , and ofcourse i felt it coming, is that i have to stretch my cunt also. The final destination is T. fisting me, using His whole hand. Ooops again. Two times i've experienced fisting. It was very hot and i loved it, but my former Master wasn't carefull at all. He kept his sealring around his finger, was very rough as he withdraw his hand from me, to conclude that i was bleeding.

'Don't be frightened but you are bleeding.'

So it has been a while since the last time i was fisted. The idea to experience this again excites me, but also frightens me. The difference now is that i know i have a very careful Owner. Our last meeting T. made a little beginning; four fingers in me. But not yet the result He is aiming for. So therefore He gave me this order to start stretching my cunt. I find this sound a little scary, being afraid that my cunt will be so much stretched that it transforms in some kind of a 'too much too stretched thing.' (lubberding) LOL Meaning being afraid that the muscles stay stretched and don't tighten again. Or the fear of cannot holding my pee any longer. I know this is nonsense (again) but despite it..........

Still constanty feeling very submissive and ofcourse i didn't wanna disappoint my Owner again, i was looking for things wich i could put in. You know. A lot didn't seem possible. Ha! Scaredy-cat that i am. Then i noticed the little plastic bottle in which the sterile fluid of my lenses. (There must be a better and shorter word for it) Not too big, just beautiful to begin with. But do you think that such a little bottle can be put in easily? Well no, it doesn't. While i was/am very aroused and really very wet. (I have an orgasmban so i am constantly in an aroused mood) The textmessages i received from T. made me even wetter. But i didn't manage to put in that stupid little flask. Than i had this good idea; first of all i use my dildo. I have a big seized one.

* Now i am blushing. In proportion as this blog progress i become more shy. Is it because i don't wanna admit how slutty i really am? *

I put in the dildo, as deep as possible. Normally half of it suffice. I moved the dildo back and forth deeply. In and out. At the moments i felt approaching an orgasme i stopped. Orgasm-ban! The dildo wasn't switched on, no delightful buzzing and titilating impulses on my clit, so therefore i could postpone my climax. It wasn't easy though. Very aroused and very moist i switched the dildo for the flask. Softly pushing, a little bit turning, continuous a little bit further. Ofcourse the flask is bigger than the dildo. But at last i managed to put in the whole flask. Such a nice full feeling. I couldn't suppress the feeling to move the flask back and forth. Constant stopping just in time before..... Then making pictures for my Owner and send them to Him. I am so grateful that i don't have to place these pictures on this blog. When i carefully removed the flask from my cunt, there was blood on the tip. Only a short time i was scared and feeling dizzy, but this quickly changed into a proud feeling. This time i didn't let my Owner down.

T. was more then contented. He gave me permission to climax one time that day. Just once. Immidiately i made use of this opportunity. You can imagine that it didn't take long until i orgasm. For now i am busy with the preparations for our next meeting. The shaving ritual, what shall i wear, what will happen? Yet two restless nights of sleep and then the restlessness will be over. For a while. For now i'm loosing myself in dark, scary but oh so yummie thoughts, bouncing like a ping-pong pelet. In all directions.

Sunlight

Lately i was very tired. Therefore i hadn't accomplish a Command my Owner asked me to do. That made me feel guilty. The feeling to disappoint your Owner is the worst feeling a submissive can have. In a mail i had explained why it take so long. Ofcourse i take His Command serious and as soon as i have regain some energy i'll do what He wants me to do.
Take your time to find your balance. Your basis and your most important being and possession are your health, your family and your own life! I'm not disappointed, but i wish for you all strenghth and wisdom for now.
Such a lovely mail. My Owner is an intelligent but also very empathic man. So i could let go my guilty feelings. Though somewhere something stayed picking. Was the little girl in me afraid that her Owner wouldn't find her a sweet girl any longer.

Between our meetings the communication between my Owner and me goes by mail and sometimes a text message. And incidentally we phone each other. This is sufficient for me, it feels good because of the strength of our togetherness. I'm a little surprised by it, 'cause this is new for me. i spoke everyday with my former Masters on messenger and by sms. This can be oppressive at times. A commitment that doesn't feel comfortable. Besides it can influence your daily life/relationship in a negative way. Sometimes that did happen to me, i got lost too much in the D/s relationship. (I'm in a vanilla relationship. My love/hubbie doesn't have SM feelings, so He gives me the freedom to explore my submissive, masochistic feelings with my Owner) Also; to talk every day with your Master doesn't guarantee commitment and trust. Not earlier i've felt myself so confident and known as in this D/s relationship with T. Not earlier i've felt the togetherness as strong as i feel now. (i'm talking about my D/s relationships, not my vanilla one. My hubbie and i are together for 27 years now.) Also there is a perfect balance between my daily life and my submissive life.

T. does travel a lot for His work, last weekend was His birthday, and end of the week He's on a holiday with His family for 2 weeks. Therefore very busy. So His mail came less frequently. No, that's not right, there was a maximum of five days between the mail. And this happened once. It felt for me, girl with feelings of guilt as if His mail came less often. Perhaps His mail was less extensive then i got used to, but His words still were as sparkling as always and made very clear who i am for T. His girl, slut, slave. But the insecure girl was craving for more connection, needed soft caresses, was looking for confirmation. Perhaps the reason for this has also to do with the fact that our next meeting is only halfway may. I send T. a mail in which i describe Him my feelings. Full of trust, without fear. I point this out, because in former D/s relationships i was frightened to expose my insecure feelings. The answer was most of the time anger or manipulation. I often felt worthless. This says a lot concerning my former relationships. This also says much concerning me.
Because it was weekend, i had to wait a little bit for an answer. The girl in me became very restless. Yesterday morning i send Him a text message. Sweet Tormentor, i wish you a very nice day.

Who's are you and are you alone?
My heart jumped. i'm alone at home. i have to sit down on a chair, bare abdomen, astride so that the sun can strike my cunt. Phone, clamps and weight next to me. Eyes closed. A pity that the sun shined not yet into the room, but the intent is clear. For now T. is the Sun and i am His moonheart. My minds eye sees His face. Intense, concentrated, sparkles in His eyes. As the phone rings i answer it as fast as i can. His voice that warms and soothes me.
"I'm with you mo. I'm standing right in front of you."
In a reflex i open my eyes, for a moment i thought He really was standing here. Beautiful mindplay. I feel Him so close, i'm so focussed on Him. I close my eyes again and listen. Before He leads me towards a play, He makes very clear that He's fond of me. All my aspects. Also the insecure girl. In fact He understands her. He will never let me go down. I have to repeat His words.
Then i have to place two pegs on my labia. There are little rings on the pegs, i have to attach some weight on the rings. After that i have to hit myself hard. Ten times on my cunt. Audible. It brings on some nice glowing 'cause for sure i am doing all the best i can. Besides; if my Owner can't hear a blow i have to hit myself again. Then i have to grope my cunt. Ofcourse i'm very, very wet. Ever since the very first second i am aware of the presence of my Owner i become liquid. I'm always surprised how very liquid. Attaching some more weight, swinging my hips, feeling how much the pegs and weight are pulling my labia i have to hit myself again. Audible. A finger deep in my cunt, another one and another one, my hand. I have small hands so i can manage it reasonably well. Moving in and out, sturdy, so that T. can hear how wet His slut is. The hitting and fingering interchange. Finally i have to (may) masturbate myself to a climax. This i find almost as embarrassing as masturbating while He's watching me. My Owner reminds our last meeting - Do you rememeber? - He describes my cunt. Which He finds so delicious. The clanging of the weight disturbs my concentration. I may remove them. His voice in my ear, humiliating, ravishing degrading words. It doesn't take long as i cum in a warm and intens orgasm.

My sweet mo, do you feel connected? Do you feel yourself My Property? Do you feel loved? Do you feel your throbbing wet slutcunt? Do you feel. Mine?

I've never felt as understood and known as now. It makes me happy. Yes my sweet Tyrant. i feel You. And i am. Your Property, girl, slut, slave. And i love You too.

The rest of the day i was shining more intense than the sun.

Though i feel myself small * My ordeal in front of my Owner

Photograph by Lula Robins

Orgasm on command i find very hard to do. Five...four...three...two...one...NOW! Then i obstruct the feeling. i could manage this very few times and i find it very exciting. However. Also very difficult for me is to masturbate while my Owner is watching me. When T. in the hotelroom placed two chairs opposite of each other, i knew what will occur next. He installed himself comfortable in one chair while i had to sit down in the other chair facing Him. Straddle-legged. Ofcourse. i was wearing stockings and high heels. Nothing else. Giggling i did what He expected me to do, 'cause tjeez it's so embarrassing to sit like that while naked. Very aware of my nudity and sluttyness. Apparently T. couldn't see clear what He wanna see 'cause i had to push a bit. He placed my feet on the arms. i sat there, legs upwards and astraddled, therefore T. had a good look on my cunt. Correction; my very wet cunt. Uneasy. That's how i felt. So i kept giggling which annoyed me very much.
"I would say mo, go ahead."
Hm, i suppose i looked at Him kinda dazzled.
"you know exactly what I mean mo, go ahead. Don't let your Owner wait. Finger yourself."
While hesitating a bit i lay a finger on my clit. Very aware of the eyes of T. Kind but stringent. i touch and rub my clit a bit while i place my other hand over my face. My fingers somewhat spreaded i peep at T. seeing His amused face.
"Take your hand away from your face mo and look me in the eye. You can do better then what you're performing right now. Finger yourself as you mean it!"
i try to focus and caress and rub my clit more aimed. Meanwhile i try to let go my sense of shame. Sometimes i still wanna hide my face behind my hand but i correct myself. i can't deny that i'm very aroused, my cunt speaks for itself. Very wet. My excitement increases and i relax more.
"Open your eyes mo, you have to look at me."
The amused look in His eyes is replaced by concentration. i can't tell what His feelings were at that moment. On the other hand i feel His eyes intensely orientated on me. His Possession; that is for now His slut. My stockings, shoes, i can see so conscious turn me on. My fingers are doing their job purposeful and i almost drown in His eyes. His fierce glance penetrating me is almost making me come. But i can't pull it off. Again i close my eyes, sometimes my head falls backwards in passion. Nevertheless i correct myself again and again because at this moment i crave nothing more than to look in His eyes. Though i feel myself small. Faster my fingers are rubbing, my breathing is heavy, but my climax failed to come. Then my Owner decides to help. He leans over while looking at me. i don't remember if He encouraged me, i love it as He humiliates me with words. While my fingers are still rubbing my clit, T. pushes His fingers in my cunt. He pushes them hard inside of me, outside, inside again. Our eyes breaking into each other and i exploding with His help into a severe, long lasting orgasm.

Epilogue: His fingers in my cunt have to become finally His whole hand. To be continued.

PS 2; i'm not sure if the title is grammatically correct. Though i feel myself small. Or; Though i feel small. Please point this out to me. Thank you. :-)

The traveller

Such a beautiful day today. Perhaps the sun was shining so bright because of me glowing in such an intense way. The meeting with T. yesterday was so fulfilling.
It started early; taking a nice shower, shaving myself as smooth as can be. Then His instruction; me in front of the mirror. Because my thoughts are already strongely focussed on my Owner, He fellt very close. While i looked at myself He sended me a textmessage. Do i obey His dictated instructions like a good girl does? Ofcourse! was my answer to Him. Beautiful clothes, shiny brushed hair, a nice perfume. Time was flying. It was time to go. A little bit nervous i left home. Because T. had planned something pleasant thrilling while travelling towards Him. When i was younger i had some wild years, doing lots of things God forbid, but T. proved me yesterday how well-behaved i am and such a scaredy-cat hihi.

Entering the railwaystation, you directly go to the waiting train at track 3A. Yes mo, you understand me well, don't buy a ticket! In the train mo, you already walk into the direction of DB and you find yourself a first class carriage. i want you to trust Me completely, despite of the fact you are travelling illegal, first class as well, and the possibility to be caught with all awkward consequences.

Argh! i find this scary. i understand this has to do with trust and surely i did what my Owner commanded me, as a good little girl. But my heart was beating fast and loud. i had to sit down in the carriage with separate compartments, close the door, take a seat with my back in the direction of DB. My Owner thought this over carefully. This has a symbolic intention; not knowing what will happen in DB, and as i look outside the window i see my hometown disappear into the distance. i wrote before about the ingenuity of T. All of the time i am amazed by and enjoying His ideas.
When i'm settled down i have to take off my knickers and spread my legs. The space between my legs has to be 30 centimeters. Shameless indeed, that's quite a lot, try it. While i'm doing all this for Him i can sense His closeness, experience intensely i'm His. He will protect me, guard me, possess me. Only then, as i concentrate myself on Him, feeling warm air stroking my thighs, alongside the seam of my stockings, ending at my open, warm cunt, Hís warm slutty cunt, only then i'm allowed to send Him a textmessage that i'm ready for my Owner.

But reality catches up with me. i was just sitting down for a minute or so as a conductor walks past and looks inside the compartment. Some minutes later he walks back and looks again inside the compartment. Explicit. Argh, nervously i send a message to T. that the conductor probably at first will control if i have a ticket. Ofcourse no reaction from T. Only silence. i try to relax and focus my thoughts on Him. To feel His closeness. This succeeds only partially. As soon as the train starts to move i send Him the message that i'm ready. Then i have to place my hands in my lap, palms open, bowing my head, closing my eyes. Obedient i do what my Owner wants me to do while i hear the murmur of my blood and the pounding of my heart. Gently the door is pushed open. i can't manage to sit down peacefully. In a reflex i quickly open my eyes to see T. is standing in front of me.
"Oh i am só glad to see You!" i blurt out. In fact i'm fed up of my fear and i'm hoping not to disappoint my Owner that much. But He draws me to Himself, pushing me against Him, His arms firm around me. Not much later the conductor checks the tickets.
The little compartment is nice and private. T. takes a measuring-tape and checks out the space between my knees. i provoked Him in a mail asking Him if He would bring a measuring-tape. Tacit He grabs my arm and draws three black lines on it. The space between my knees was 27 centimeters. He blindfolds me. My ears taking over my view, i hear Him groping about His bag. Suddenly i feel His grip on my thighs and a stinging pain. Three times. My brain is working hard to understand what it is i feel. It feels like clothes pins but the pain is different. Stinging, almost burning. As if there's a needle thru my skin. He takes along my thoughts further. His hands on my cunt, feeling, pinching, pulling. His fingers in me. Then clamps on my labia, some weight also i think, a chain between the clamps. He's pulling the chain, moving it fast back and forth. Vibrating aches thru my cunt and body making me wet. And wetter. Again His fingers in me, and the pulling at the chain making me cum in a delicious orgasm. Then again i feel this strange stinging pain on my thighs. He's pulling the clamps off. It seems to be the ones with malicious sharp teeth.

He removes the blindfold and we're talking and enjoying each others company. What He's doing to me, i don't know. But if He's around me i constantly wanna give Him little kisses, crawling with Him. He makes me surrendering myself to Him unrestrained, including intense lust. When i'm with Him i am constantly very aroused and i giving it in. i dare to. He makes me feeling His slut without feeling cheap. Because He guides me thru this circle of emotions adding also the submissive, the masochist, the little girl and the woman Mo. All in one.
He draws black circles around the red marks on my thighs. You can see them still today which makes me happy. Much too soon we are in DB. i take His hand and we start to walk. Heading for total submission.

The walk.

Ofcourse we were drinking coffee and talking a lot. i had to tell Him what i saw looking into the mirror observing myself. Looking thru His eyes. Which i find difficult but He helped me. Letting me know that we also will do this together. While He is standing behind me He tells me what He sees. His hands touching me everywhere. In the end i'll see my body the way He sees me. Desirable. That's the intention.
We're going into the Cathedral. There i had to point out the spots that stimulate my fantasy. Telling Him about it. There were too many people around to do something exciting. But in my mind i can still feel my Owners hand grabbing my behind or He pushing me against the wall.

We're in a shopping street. T. is mumbling something about a fitting room. Some nervous giggling from my side. Reluctantly i follow Him, entering a shop where they are selling clothes i never should wear. T. looks at me with a 'the clothes doesn't matter' glance. Purposeful He walks to the fitting rooms and i follow Him. i keep laughing nervously and whispers to Him that we have to take some clothes with us to try on. Aren't we? At the fitting rooms there's a man waiting for his wife. He observes us with curiosity. Making me more giggling and faint-hearted. T.'s walking back into the shop, i follow Him as a good girl. He takes the first garment He sees and walks back to the fitting rooms. The curious man is still waiting there. T. walks to the room at the very end, placing the plush furnished stool in the doorway. He sits down. i have to undress me. The curtain isn't closed. i hear the wife of the curious man saying she has no breasts. i chuckle. Meanwhile T. is groping me everywhere. Looking at me. In this far too bright light. After a while i'm allowed to dress myself. Imperturbable T. says this garment isn't good for me. We're walking back into the shop. i feel the eyes of curious man burning in my back. Like a naughty, little girl.
Outside, my hand in His. With strain i can suppress the urge to frolic. Exuberant, that's how i feel. Then He says;
"Well, and now we're going to the sexvideotheque. The one with the cabines."

This story, you have to wait for. Patiently. ;-)

Naked

So much to write about, but i can't. Besides; my brains seems to be made of jelly. Do you recognise this symptom? Bright young (ahum) lady changes into a giggling creature talking nonsense as soon as her Owner is in sight.
Yeah, there it is. Owner. T. doesn't like the word Master. So other words are needed to define the D/s relationship we're in. Even though it's a beginning relationship. i like the word Owner. It's a beautiful word. T. seems to take and desire ever more and i'm delighted about that. He feels more and more as my Owner, Possessor, Tormentor. Especially the Tormentor this weekend by sending me titillating e-mails. Making me restless, craving. Giving me scary shivers because of the delicious tortures He is thinking about.



Early tuesday morning i'll stand before a mirror, naked. At His request. i'll look at myself, from top to toe. This doesn't bother me, i like myself. But imagining He's looking at me is something different.
See yourself as your Owner sees you: My subbie thru My eyes.
Then i feel insecure and very vulnerable. Then i find it very difficult to look at myself. My soft, round, lushy curves are so very round and lushy. i notice every unevenness. Preferably i wanna cover my body and don't look again. But i will look at myself, observe every inch of this body. Because He wants me to.
See yourself in complete defencelessness and devotion mo, see your body in all her beauty and be aware that I wish to see you, to grope you, I wish to use and abuse you, hurt you, slap you.
i answered that i was fully aware of all of this. And probably He will observe me in full daylight where you can see every knob. No soft pink light which makes the skin glow and tarnish all unevenness. i seem to have a soft skin. Vulnerable, that's how i will feel. Please, don't look at me. Use and abuse me, hurt me, spill Your semen on and in me, but please don't look at me. Ever so frail in this too big body.

Ofcourse He wíll look at me, i'll feel His glance burning on me. With inhibited breath ánd belly i'll surrender myself to Him. Full of trust. He'll see my dedication and fragility.

Tuesday you will be Mine!

Glowing yearnings

DB; in the back of the cafe, close to each other. We are talking. Suddenly T. places a little cigar on the table, next to my cappucino.
"I like my cigars extra blended , I wanna smell you and taste you. I give you ten minutes mo, you can go to the toilet."
i look at Him, somewhat dazzled, as if i don't believe it.
"Ehm, do You mean the way Clinton liked his cigars, the Lewinsky style?"
He smiles at me. "I know you'll do it, mo."
We continue our conversation and i try to ignore the cigar. After about 8 minutes T. brings up that time is running out, i don't have much time left.
"And if i don't do it, what will happen then?" i look at Him in a provoking way.
"you'll see mo."
i already experienced the inventiveness of T. and also the fact that being around other people doesn't seem to restrain Him. As i see the look in His eyes, i don't wanna take the risk. Giggling i pick up the cigar and go to the toilet. And oh yes, do not soil the tip. Very carefully i push the cigar inside of me and let it rest for a while. If i pull it out i start to blush. The cigar is very wet. Ehm yes, so it seems i also am very. Carefully i use some paper to dab it dry. A bit shy i walk back to our table and place the cigar in front of T. He picks it up, smells it which makes me even more timid. With care He lights the cigar. After a short while He remarks that i did very well 'cause the cigar is burning shortly before it extinguish. T. enlightens a new one and also places one in front of me.
"For later, you don't have to go to the toilet, do it right here."
Time passes slowly, but too fast. Coffee, beer, wine and little cigars. Which i, somewhat ashamed, 'cause being afraid someone is noticing what i'm doing, blend with my feminine scent. The warmth of my leg against His.

Time for a walk. Unfortunately the Cathedral is already closed. But T. has another plan. He wants to take me somewhere. He asks me if i feel safe with Him. Which i confirm; i feel very good ánd safe. Full of confidence i lay my hand in His and we starting to walk. He stops in front of a sexvideotheque. Huh? Shivers. But i know i will follow Him.
"Wait outside here, mo."
T. enters the videotheque, i wait outside. Nervously. Then the door opens and He is nodding me inside. A man behind a desk examins me. i blushes but try to look back as confident and impartial as possible. The man is telling T. that the cabins they rent are too small for two people. Out of the open, away from strange eyes, T. wanted to feel and see me in all my fullness. Discipline my unharmed skin with His belt. Complete nakedness. We continue our walk. Another videotheque, the same procedure. T. goes inside, i wait outside. Somewhat awkward. Very soon He's back. The cabine seemed to be very dirty and smelly. Flat sperm. Giggling and reliefed i must confess, i ask him what He did expect. Apparently a clean cabin.
"So we have to be patient untill next time mo. For now we are going to a nice restaurant."


The nice thing about Greek restaurants is the fact that in between the tables are partitions , that gives some privacy. Besides you cannot see what's happening under the table. * Grins * It's a large restaurant. We're going at the back and gladly find out that there is another (small) room which you can enter by descending small stairs. There's nobody there, so lots of privacy. We take place in front of each other, but there's a beam between the table-legs so we can't feel each other. Soon T. is sitting next to me. Nearby. We order dinner. During the wine we continue the ritual with the cigar. T. is groping me. i am aroused, wet. He grabs my cunt firmly. Pulling my labia, squeezing hard. i let go and enjoy it. My head against his shoulder. Meanwhile dinner is served so we start to eat. Delicious salmon for me, (more) meat for T. ;-) Some new visitors (two gentlemen) entering the room and take place two tables further on. Two tables behind us an older couple are enjoying their dinner. We're eating, looking at each other, touching. The conversation is about clamps. Sometimes i can have very little on my nipples, but on my labia i can take a lot. T. takes his bag with interesting stuff. He takes two clamps and place them on my labia. i like those, hmmm yummie. i shouldn't have said that 'cause before i know it He places some clothes pins. These ones giving a viscious pain. His hand with a firm grip in my neck, the other hand fingers me. He is making me crazy, craving for more. i dare not make any sound because of the other guests. i have to take His finger in my mouth and suck it. Closed eyes and my desire blazes even more. The guests further on are finshed and leaving. The couple behind us doesn't seem to notice anything. T. is slapping my cunt with his flat hand. Torturing my labia. His firm grip still in my neck. Me whispering that i wanna taste Him. Never before i let myself go this way in a public space, but this time my desires are stronger than me. The sound of his belt He is loosen making me crave for a beating. He pushes my head down and bring out His cock. Greedy i start to lick and take Him in my warm mouth. Because of the couple behind us i don't dare moving my head, but i lick and suck softly. Suddenly the couple behind us are very silent. i raise myself, a well-behaved, proper girl. T. removes the clamps from my labia. It shrines in a nice way. Before we are going to the railway station to say goodbye we're drinking coffee.
Glowing desires shaking inside and have to wait. Until next time when we have a place for our own to Dominate and submit. Meanwhile i am dreaming of punished buttocks with His belt. i wanna crawl for Him. Lay down at His feet and experience who He is.......