A brutal dance and heartfelt togetherness

Photograph: Fetish breasts by Emily sub.

We should meet again, no play but drinking coffee, talking and hugging, just a wonderful day together. The awkwardness of me was the reason that T. decided otherwise. You know: lovely tension, but not so bright thinking as normally in daily life, there i stood on the platform of the railway station, pretty baby, carefully shaved, on time. Waiting for my Master to travel furthermore together. Comprehensively on time so it seems. A textmessage to Master learned me that i was (luckily!) on the right platform, but too early. One hour early!

Oh poor silly thing, you're too early so get the train to Nijmegen.

At that time the train to Nijmegen arrived, so i was thinking Master is mindfucking me. 'Cause i still had the idea i was there at the right time. Yeah, subbie with a jelly brain. That's the influence T. has on me. ;-) Was T. aware that i was thinking of a mindfuck? And did He took advantage from it? Nervously i got on the train and T. fed my insecurity with textmessages. Within ten minutes i was in Nijmegen, looking around but no sign of Master at all. Another textmessage: i had to go to the cafe on the platform, drinking some coffee and waiting. He already had asked me if i did remember the hotel near the station? Some time ago we had stayed there. Ofcourse i do remember that. Very well. And T. wrote that it's very tempting this hotel so very nearby. Butterflies in my tummy were dancing and fluttering substantially. I didn't dare to think of, hoping that....
While i enjoyed my coffee i suddenly saw Master dropping by. I was so happy to see Him again! And that's an understatement haha. We kissed eacht other and T. got himself a coffee too. I took Him in intensely. Enjoying His face, His hands, His eyes and voice. He told me that we should go to the hotel nearby. He was longing to feel me, to possess me. I giggled and became nervous again.

Immediately after entering the room we kissed each other fiercely. It was very clear we missed each other a lot. Masters hands were everywhere and i was dizy from longing. Soon enough i was naked, kneeling on the floor in front of the bed. We hadn't took much stuff, but i had some pegs, a small flogger and the wheel of pain. But who needs the whip when there's the heavy but oh so delicious belt? Master pushed me face down in the blankets, the sound of the belt pulled of from the trousers, making me dizzy. Instinctively i raise my bum even more awaiting the first blow. That delicious first blow that always scares me abit. Not knowing how i will react. Can i take much or will i be squeaking and yummer like a little baby? But the first blow always making me His, taking me along our dark magical world, where we merge and deeply piercing each others soul.
After this first blow with His belt we were absorbed in our heated craving towards each other. It was an intense brutal dance in which Master fucked me ruthlessly, took my breath and gave it back, pulled my hair, slapped my face, penetrated my mouth as deep as He could until i heaved and was gasping for breath, He then turned me around again to fuck me deep in the ass and that hurted so much that tears were in my eyes, but this feeling made me very, very happy. A dance in which Master beated me and tortured my breasts that much so the next day they were covered with bruises and blue spots. And that made me happy also. Nevertheless it isn't the bruises, the pain and the humiliation that i cherish. What i remember the most and cherish is the feeling Master needs me as much as i need Him. That i finally understand this and this feeling brings an intense togetherness. Master dared to show His heartfelt feelings even more. For a change it wasn't me that talked a lot that day, but Master did the talking and allowed me in His daily life. i am His and that makes me happy. Still lasting!

Confusion

It was a beautiful springday with lots of sunshine. I was still busy with some preparations as T. texted me that He wants to meet me at the station an hour earlier, so we can sit in the sun and talk before we leave for our usual location. Panic on all sides haha, 'cause i felt i wasn't ready yet, still too much to do. Besides i gladly wanted to pick up a parcel at the postoffice with a new toy.
As i entered the railway station on time (!) pfffff wíth new toy, my Owner startled me for being there. I suspected to meet Him at the platform. I saw His smiling eyes. He always catches me by surprise.

We decided to travel halfway and drink coffee in Driebergen. As usual, being a nervous subbie, i jabbered away a lot. As i, a few days later, evaluate our meeting, i was fed up with my chatter, so i asked T. to stop my mouth next time. Please? I'm not sure He will do that, i think He's amused as i nervously chatter. +

It was great to meet my Owner again; to see Him, listen to Him, taste Him. But i couldn't find some peace of mind. Not even as i waited for Him in the cellar. Naked. On my knees. For some hours we were together again in our own universum but i couldn't find the magic. The intensity of Us didn't touch me as deep as before. There were some new experiences (i write about it in some other posts) but it was hard to surrender myself. I had the feeling T. had some other things on His mind, that He wasn't with me completely. And it also seemed that i couldn't take much. But i was awfully craving for much; much pain, much humiliation. And most of all much of what T. wanted from me, taking no account of me.

As we were saying goodbye at the station i felt a little numb, a vague feeling. The day after it seemed as if i landed in sub-drop. I was very emotional and cried at every moment. Reflecting our meeting. Thinking that i wasn't good enough for my Owner. Thinking about these emotions i decided to mail T. about these feelings of insecurity and worrying. The scars from my former D/s liaisons appeared again: i was scared to express my feelings, scared for anger, although i know that T. isn't like that. I thought that my Owner has the right to know what my feelings are, in fact this is from essential importance. So i conquered my fears and sended the mail.

.......i hope that You only do the things Yóu find nice, pleasant and horny and if this turned out to be nice, horny etc. as well for me than i'm lucky. Only Yóu decide what is going to happen, if i like it or not. That makes me feel recognized and i can't imagine anything better than to please You, follow You, to do and to experience Your commands and desires, anything what You have in mind. Suffering under your hands and interest is what makes me happy......

Apparantly i'm asking for a harder approach without calculating my wishes. (and from that exactly calculating my wishes, how schizophrenic is that?) I was afraid to send the mail 'cause i don't wanna hurt Masters feelings or being unjust. Perhaps He don't understand what i'm talking about. Fortunately T. understands His subbie very well 'cause as He had received my mail He answered it immediately to set me at ease.

sweet girl,

don't be scared and thank you for your honest mail! Later more and details and everything. I love it that my subbie and girl is sincere. Sincerity is something else than hurting!

Bye sweetheart,

your Master T.

Gratitude and happiness. I'm such a lucky girl. Subbie cries, subbie smiles. For now i'm somewhat confused. Craving. Sometimes my submissive, masochistic feelings are difficult to unravel. I find them at times oh so conflicting. Opposite feelings. It's hard for me to ask things from my Owner. That doesn't suit a submissive? Meanwhile i still feel my bum (and it's a week ago that we've met) A deep dull ache, making me smile and feeling happy.

Clumsy

Those days are here again. Those stirring days before meeting T. My Owner, Tormentor, beloved Friend. A sweet burden. With special rituals. Extra carefully depilating and shaving so when i'm standing in front of Him i will be soft and smooth. A new color in my hair that makes them shine. Buying new stockings. Shall i buy new sexy underwear? Nah, i'm not allowed to wear knickers when i'm with T., so..... My nervous thoughts swirl like petals in springtime. I'm not only soft and smooth coming friday. I will also be a bit bruised. Because i daydream a lot those days and that brings also a lot of clumsyness. Do other subbies recognize this? Nervously jumping and dreaming and more than other times i bump against everything. Auch! another blue spot. I have to be very alert while cooking and cutting the vegetables, 'cause when i don't i will cut my fingers. And if someone is telling me a story, only the half get through. "I'm sorry, what did you say again?"

Today is the last day in which i am my biggest enemy. Until it starts all over again. Do you keep your fingers crossed for me? So when i shave myself i won't cut my private parts. That i won't forget to rinse out my hair in time, so that my hair has this beautiful color i have in mind and not changed into a poisonous green or something. And that there are only one or two blue spots on my body. I prefer the spots marked by my Owner.

Are you subbies also that clumsy before meeting your Owner? ;-)

Orgastic creature (Fragments of our meeting)

Photographs by David Samson; Bliss & Belonging

The smile, ecstasy and devotion on her face. Those expressions you also could read on my face when i was with my Owner last wednesday. In the train i already felt fluid, like wax in His hands. Craving pain and total surrender. Terribly excited, that intensified this craving. Amazed about the orgastic creature in which i seemed to be transformed. From the very beginning of this meeting i was already heavily under my Owners influence (subspace) so therefore this post consists of fragments. Little pieces moonstone that shines in my memory.

Naked, kneeling in the cellar i wait. Footsteps above my head. My heart that jumps as i hear descending footsteps on the stairs. Closed eyes, proud i-am-Yours posture. The collar that He buckles on warms my heart. A chain connected with the collar, which i have to put in motion. Therefore i move my body to and fro so that the cellar is filled with soft jingling. I feel a bit silly. Moving to and fro. His hands in my hair, pushing me, bending me face down.
A sharp pain scratching my back, not feeling as pain but giving me goose-bumps from pleasure. The contented voice of my Owner when counting. His fingertips on my skin.

"Ten beautiful red lines on your back mo."

His cock deep in my mouth, but quickly pulled back from my greedy mouth. Too greedy.

I've forgotten to ask T. what made those beautiful lines. It wasn't a knife 'cause there were more sharp points at the same time.

Tied up on the slavechair. The one that spread your legs. Blindfolded. T. is making a breastbondage. Tight. He pulls the rope, thin cord this time. Dizzy in the head. Does He notice my struggling? A bondage doesn't hurt, but i have this strange thing. It scares me sometimes. Breasts that change colors. So i don't have to see it. No idea why. But i am blindfolded, so why this sweating and dizzyness in the head? T. is nearby, talking to me. Concentrated, intently He is binding me. I focus on His hands, His scent, His voice. I don't want to become unwell, by which this will stop. I manage to banish my feelings of fear and relax. A victory. My breasts tightly bonded. Rope pulling them up and a bit forward because the rope is attached to a chain that hangs from the ceiling a bit further away. I'm sure this looks ingenious. Pegs on my breasts, nipples and labia. Because of the spreaded legs, T. can easily reach everything. Clamps pulling my labia parted. A beating upon my cunt. Flat handed. My cunt starts to glow. Orgastic creature comes just like that. His fingers deep in me, His hand. Again he leads me to an orgasm, and again. A toy in His hands. The laughter in His voice humiliating me makes me happy.

The sling in which i lie swings softly. This feels great. T. fucking me, beating me, fucking me, beating.... He smacks my cunt on which i can bear a lot. He smacks me hard. A swollen cunt thrilling me. Intoxication. He uses me. His fucktoy.

My head hanging backward, i have Him in my mouth. He pushes deep and i have to surpress a feeling to heave. It feels like floating in a sling. T. sitting upon me, taking care of my cunt with the cane and the whip. Than, for just a second, i don't know exactly how or what, He is sitting upon my face taking my breath away.

Streched out over the vaulting buck. Blow after blow. Alternating hard, soft, tickling. Which confuses me, making it more difficult to count the cane blows. The dull deep pain from the cane, the intensely fierce pain from the whip, the soft tickling from the horsehair flogger. But the tickling feels as fire upon my tormented, glowing bum. Blow after blow. How many exactly i can't remember. Red welts, glowing skin and a contented Owner. Today, a week later, i still feel the dull pain in my bum, a pity the welts were disappeared the next day. More i want, much more. Kneeling on the floor, against Him, pushing my face in His skin. He hold me tight, strokes my hair. I don't get more.

T. streched out upon a leather furnished table. I stand at the foot doing my utmost best to please Him. Giving Him what He desires. Stroking, tickling, softly squeezing his skin, meanwhile sucking. I suck Him in deep, than playfully release Him. I concentrate on his reactions. His slut that wanna please her Owner as if her life depends on it. The greatest reward i get on the end as i may drink Him en T. looks at me smiling.

"This was very sub-dignified mo."

Like music these words from Him. And i, insatiable submissive, once more longing for Him, craving his pain.

The lull before the storm

Hastily i walk to the railwaystation, my thoughts still filled with my work from this morning. I'm glad that my Owner already has bought my ticket so that we won't miss our train. I send Him a message that i'm already waiting on the platform. Seven minutes before the train will leave. Jumpy i look around me to find my Owners face between all those waiting people. Not even a glimpse. As the train arrives i become even more jumpy. Another message for my Owner; do i have to wait or do i have to get in the train? Perhaps He isn't here yet. Searching but i don't see Him as the people start to get in the train. How he does it, i don't know, but i (almost) never see Him walking towards me. He just suddenly stands next to me, a huge smile on His face. We welcome each other and get in the train.
I am so happy to meet my Owner again, it was too long ago. The train is moving and i am talking. Or else; i am jabbering away. As ever in the beginning of our meeting and i have to let go the daily stuff so i can enter our dark magical universum. Now and then T. asks some questions or He completes my story, but He let me jabbering away for awhile. Suddenly there is this man standing next to us, indicating a strip opaque plastic on top of the window. There is written --> Silence. Do we know that we're in the silence compartiment? Ehm, we didn't. In fact i'd never heard of the silence compartiment. Amusing sparkles in Masters eyes as He put his finger against his lips. Shhhhhhht. He knows how difficult this is for me. Sometimes He tells me that perhaps He'll place a peg on my tongue as i chatter too much. T. gives me a parcel of paper to read. Our mutually mails in which we evaluate our relationship after a year, where you can read how we have grown together. Where we described our dark fantasies to each other and how we can realize these fantasies. Exploring the possibilities to go further. Not one step, but a lot. Strange to read those intimate mails as a little book. I giggle, it's also strange to read these horny, imaginative words in a silence compartiment. People drowned in their thoughts. Where do they dream about? T. observes me while i read, i feel his eyes upon me. His hands on my legs, sensing, pinching. It's time to change over.

A quiet place in the back of the compartiment, first class. I'm settled down so plain reality has been pushed backwards. As i look T. in his eyes i can feel how much i belong to Him and i surrender myself to this intense feeling. He kisses me profoundly and butterflies are put in motion. I push my nose in his neck and inhale deeply. I wanna intoxicate myself with his scent. His soft cheek against my skin awakens the girl that constantly wants to give Him little kisses everywhere. But all too soon the craving slut in me push the girl aside. In the presence of my Owner i'm always in an aroused state. Sometimes i'm a little embarrassed by my slutty behavior. Meanwhile T. kissing me and his hands wandering under my skirt. Automatically i spread my legs. It's a pleasant surprise as T. finds out that i cut off the seat (crotch? please point me out, thank u) of my pantyhose. So He has free acces to my cunt. He wasn't expecting this because of the cold weather. For a moment He pushes his fingers deep inside me and denominate my horniness.
"Oh my such a terrible slut you are girl. Soaking wet."
I love it as He talks to me this way and at the same time i am ashamed of my wetness. He grabs something out his briefcase and places 4 pegs on my labia. One peg is placed on a very sensitive spot and i surpress a shriek. Than my Owner begins to finger me heavily, i bend repeatedly under his hands, afraid to make a sound. Suppose people further on in the compartiment will notice what is going on. In no time i orgasm heated and in silence. T. grabs my breasts and squeeze them hard, really hard. He places my hand on his crotch and i can feel thru his trousers how excited He is. He enjoys it to tap against the pegs, moving them, till they vibrate softly leading me to another orgasm. Not totally in silence this time i think. I whisper how aroused i am, that Hé is turning me into this craving slut. A slut whois giving herself shamelessly, even in public places. He awakened this insolence. Says she giggling and somewhat embarrassed, i wasn't this slutty ever before Master. I am was always a scaredy-cat concerning naughty games in public, but when T.'s with me it seems that i dare everything. I trust Him, He protects me.
"Yeah sure, never before?"
He grabs my cunt, squeezes firmly, pulls the pegs and again i come heavily. After this i have to tell Him loud and clear (oh how this makes me feel small) how many times i did orgasm in these 15 minutes. As we wait for the doors to get out the train He looks me in my eyes.
"Soaking wet."
I giggle, feeling very small, taking his hand. This is going to be an intense afternoon, i feel i can take a lot of pain and i know that He will give me that.
"A terrible slut mo, that's what you are."

i saw stars

Ooo ooo yeah it was so good to meet my Owner again. To feel him, see Him, smell Him. Yesterday afternoon we lived in our own Galaxy and i saw stars. In Masters eyes and in my head....... Today i felt with every movement my tormented bum so the little stars flared up again in my head and belly. I will write more about our meeting soon. Listen to the music from The Asteroids Galaxy Tout (great Danish band!) and you know exactly how i feel after meeting my Owner; cheerful and happy. Turn up the volume and you too will feel cheerful and warm. At least it works for me. ;-)

Holy welts

Today, January the 22th is a special day. Exactly one year ago T. and i met for the first time. I've tried to catch this special day and the progress of our D/s relationship in some poetic words. I love You, Sir.

Art by Loïc Dubigeon

When it started.
Not knowing how or which trail we should follow.
i, shy, talked and talked
while You, eye in eye, took me in.

Looking at each other.
The soul not yet touched but well affected.
Carefully sensing, seeking
dark scents in a secret world.

How Your words crackled
like ardent sparkles in my faded yearning.
How Your hands touch.
Blow after blow You return myself to me.

The pain burns excitement in my flesh.
You carve humiliation in my purified memory.
Your cruel love kisses, torments and nourishes me.
"Mine!"

Today i fearlessly follow Your trail
to dark caves and dim shades.
How can i refuse?
Captured in Your glance You reveal the light of our nature.

We love.
We write our own hieroglyphics
upon the retina of a closed eye
and an open heart.

©moonheart january 2009

Hieroglyphics are formed from two Greek words: 'hiëros' meaning holy and 'glypho' meaning chiseled in stone or groove.

Chains

During one of the meetings i had with my Owner, i had a very special experience with chains that amazed me a lot.
Bent over, i was recovering my breath from the cane- and whiplashes T. gave me. These were severe blows so i was floating in my warm little world. T. was very busy but i couldn't see through what was happening. He placed clamps on my nipples, connected with each other by a little chain and T. connected this one with a bigger chain that runs in between my thighs. How things were connected exactly i can't remember, pffff when you're floating you can't think clear hihi. But my Owners construction was so ingenious. Each movement caused pressure on my nipples and the chain between my legs pulled thight against my cunt. The touch of cold metal on my warm skin gave me goosebumps. Each movement echoed with some soft jingling. This sound and the cold sensation on my skin aroused me a lot. T. smacked sometimes my bottom and started to pull the chain. Ofcourse i felt this immediately on my nipples. Softly yammering i moved and the pressure on my nipples became more intense. MY Tormentor was enjoying Himself by taking the pressure away through holding the chain in His hands and than He dropped it. Because of this the chain was swinging heavily. Normally i would have yammer even more because of the intense pain on my nipples but not this time. I surprised my Owner and myself by enjoying it. A lot! Yes, my nipples were tormented but because of the swinging chain a tremor came into existance that vibrated in my cunt. When i'm very excited i crave pain on my nipples (while they're very sensitive and actually i can't take a lot on them) As my Owner implies lots of pain on them i become even more aroused. The construction T. made was very, very effective. In no time i came violently. Ofcourse this pleased my Owner a lot so He rehearsed His actions. And again i came violently. This went on for a while. T. had just to touch the chain lightly and...... Yes i know, this is much more than a slut. ;-)

Expectation * Our hazy, little world

After a drink in the bar of the hotel, my Owner and i walked back to our room. There i had to undress myself again. Kneeling in front of the bed, You push my head downwards. I thought i was clear that evening, but as i think back to it, i notice that i don't know the right rank of what happened. Pink clouds in my head obstructing clear thinking. I was further in space then i thought i was. I don't remember if You used the belt again on me. Or if You immediately groped and pinched me.

Two fingers deep in me, three, four...... You ask me why i didn't stretch myself at home. 'Cause You notice it goes tiring. Meanwhile You push four fingers inside me, back and forth. Continuously faster. Hard. I don't remember if You pushed Your whole hand inside of me. But i know i was very aroused and came spurting. You continue and i hear the lewdness in Your voice as You snap one humiliation after another at me. I slip away in my hazy little world. Where we are alone. You and i. Where i loose myself in Your spirit. My face in the blankets, i hear Your voice stirring us up. Feeling Your hand deep inside of me, while Your other hand is pushing my head down. Suddenly You penetrate me deep, fucking me with a pent-up rage i've never experienced before. Harsh. Heated. I hear Your humiliating words, but it's only sound. The meaning doesn't get through. Hazy and warm. I feel while Your grip in my hair strenghten. Pulling my head backwards. Then i feel the first slap in my face. Not only my cheek is glowing. More slaps follow. Hazy and warm. i feel as the last slap overwhelms me. For a moment darkness in my head and astonishment. Stars. I see stars as You help me to stand up. Taking me by the hand and lead me to the shower. And i know what comes next.

I'm sitting on the cool tiles. Bent head. The hazyness in my head is gone and a cool intelligibility calms my heated thoughts. Notices how small the shower is. How this space is filled with great expectations. How my stomach contracts because of the nervously fluttering butterflies. I look up and see Your concentrated face above me. I smile. You too find it difficult to piss under pressure. The pressure of expectations this time. I open my mouth, but close it nervously as i feel how the first drops spatter on my face. It's a little stream so i carefully open my mouth again to receive some of Your piss. I feel emotional as i taste You. As i swallow You. Your salty taste linger against my palate. I was afraid that i had to throw up, but i didn't. I get all warm inside. The little stream stops. I giggle.

'That's a stream of nothing.' i hear You mumble. Your face even more concentrated. I take You in my mouth and taste. Time seems to stand still. In the silence of this cool, white space, where a second seems to be an eternity, i wait patiently while i take in Your face. As i open my mouth again, and my tongue hesitating sticks out, i suddenly see a great relief on Your face that uncovers a big smile. A salty, warm beam touches my face, tongue and heart while i swallow, taste, swallow and notice how Your warm fluid clear a way through my body. Grateful i am that this first time the stream wasn't that plentifull. You put on the warm shower as i hide in Your arms. After which You tenderly wash Your dirty girl. I show You my gratitude by many, many little-girl-kisses.

Hazy girl, craving slut, dominated slave

My head still full of holded sessions, i walk after work towards the hotel. After textmessaging my Owner, He awaits me in front of the entrance. Suddenly i see his silhouette so i walk faster. We kiss each other and He guides me inside the hotel. In the elevator the kissing is more intense and i feel His hands everywhere.
'i have to recover my breath from work....' i begin the conversation.
'you don't get that chance my girl.'
He looks amused as He interrupt my rising stream of words. In our room He takes of my coat and i have to kneel in front of the bed. He pushes my upper body upon the bed and pulls my tights and knickers down. All kind of nervous thoughts shoot thru my mind. My mind still full of work. Because of the tights i can't spread my legs as wide as i should.
'Remember mo, that we're in a hotel. Those are thin-walled so you can't make much noise.'
I swallow. Then i hear this delicious but at the same time nervous making sound of His belt. His belt that He pulls from His trousers. This instantly effects my craving cunt that contracts. His fingers in me. Soaking wet. I prepare myself to bear the first blow. A little bit scared. 'Cause doesn't Master warms me up? Doesn't He build the blows? I'm so full of the working day. Without building it hurts a lot and i can't make any noises. These thoughts were crossing my mind as i feel the first blow ending up somewhere. Oh terrible bliss! Delicious terror. I suffocate my screams in the blankets. The belt is fierce and ruthless, i remember it again. Blow after blow lands on my bum and i can feel the glowing. My thoughts become somewhat hazy. I cannot make any sounds and this arouses me a lot.
'Do you know why I use the belt mo? Why do I choose the belt?'
My hazy head can't come up with anything so T. helps His slut.
'Because...... slap a belt..... slap doesn't make.... slap slap slap much noise, mo..... slap slap slap That's why.'
T. helps me to stand up because i have to undress myself. Then He ties me up in a tight breastbondage. I used to find this scary, but now it feels great and it gives me a safe feeling. He pulls the ropes very tight.
It's delicious how those tits of mine so beautifully turn darkred slut. Your Owner enjoys this very much.
Contented He examines His work. My breasts are very sensitive and the bondage intensifies this even more. He pushes me on my knees. Me kneeling before Him, longing. He opens His trousers and eagerly i take Him in my mouth. Slowly He fucks His gluttonous slutmouth, but as i become too inspired He pulls back. I have to kneel before the bed again, upper body upon it. Master massages my shoulders and back. The last bits of tension of the day drain away. His warm hands stroking and softly pinching me. His nails scratching my skin. The pinching and scratching become more malicious. The stroking turns into beating. Master spanks my bum and also He takes the belt again. I have to stand up so He also can blow the front of me. Severe blows by hand on my breasts which are more sensitive than ever. I squeak, trying to stand still. My hands in a reflex are foiling, while my desire is asking for more. Please Master, give me more, please!
'Stand still mo. And take your hands away or else I have to bind them.'
A slap in the face. Blows on my breasts. Ouch! Ouch! Again my hands foiling. Master ties them on my back. Then pegs on my nipples. These are giving a sharp pain, but my Owner is unyielding for my shrieks. And i don't feel this pain anymore. The blows on my tits are deducting. Harsh, malicious blows. Making me dancing and lamenting. His eyes on me making me dizzy. His smile and excitement that warms my heart. I adore Him. Hazy girl, craving slut, dominated slave that gives herself away. He, pushing me again on my knees, squeezing my head in the blankets, pulling my hair as He abuses me. Who makes me come again and again. Who isn't only colouring my breasts and bum, but most of all my soul.

Reprise

In the meantime a short report for the impatient readers. ;-) I am aware of the fact that i repeat myself, but i only can say that meeting my Owner was as intense, tempestuous, emotional, hard but caring, eleborate and warm as ever. And ofcourse i wished we had more time. Delicious pained bottom, a breast with lots of colours; red, dark purple, blue, green and yellow. The next day no-one could wipe that huge smile from my face, i was só annoying happy and cheerful. And this girl wasn't floating from bliss, no i was very lively and had tons of energy.
So far for this time because i have a very busy weekend. New blogs about this meeting are coming, but i have to tease your patience for a while.
Every-one; enjoy your weekend!

Range of colouring

So beautiful what trust can bring. During the last meeting with my Owner i haven't felt fear for one second. Not even while He was fisting me. Because of this i could take more, also on my (very sensitive) breasts. Although i didn't dare to look at the very tight breastbondage. How they change color from red to a bluish dark purple. First i may carefully touch them and then ofcourse T. let me look at them anyhow. I used to find it scary but i loved it, not scary at all. A great unforseen circumstance of the tight bondage is that the breasts very quickly mark. Beautiful screaming red and blue spots. My left tit wasn't as tight tied on as the right one and showed less marks from my Owner. I am so proud of these marks of love. My right tit still has marks colouring from dark purple to blue to green and yellow. Hmmm strange creatures we submissive girls are. I can imagine this sounds weird if you don't have a thing with SM. But i am standing in front of the mirror again and again to admire my coloured bum and bruised breasts.

Not even a week ago i met my Owner but i miss Him already very much. Probably because my shiny little cloud slowly disolves. And reality hits me in the face once again. T. sends me a textmessage that He also wants his girl with him, craving to torture her. This comforts me a bit. In between our meetings the connection consists exclusively of mail and textmessages. Mostly very intensive i must say. But after a meeting i have this strong urge to talk on. Our form of contact is hard work, because sometimes i miss the leash and become disorganized. I've read some old posts again and not following my Owners Instructions or in fact pushing them forward is a returning issue. Nonetheless this shouldn't happen because i feel T.'s slavegirl in every bodyfibre. And this feeling is getting stronger after each meeting. So i don't understand how this works for me. I'm not only his slave when i'm with Him. This feeling is always there, inside my heart and being. Hm, this girl is going to work very hard at obeying my Owners Instructions and perhaps be more in focus. For now i strongely feel that my disorder is the reason why i doesn't feel the leash as strong as i want it to feel. Grrrrrr sometimes i don't understand myself. Oh well the consequence of my carelessness are those beautiful blue spots, although....... I even get those if i'm sweet and obedient. Just thinking.

i may enclose Him

Kneeling on the hard floor i await my Owner with a butterfly heart full of expectations. As He stands before me, He opens his pants and i inhale with passion his scent. His scent that stuns me and summons dark desires. He puts his hands on my head and pushes his Cock in my eagerly mouth. I taste him and preferably i wanna suck him in deep, but He warns his slut to slow down. To suck him isn't allowed, i have to feel and explore. With my tongue i explore his already trusted masculinity, the swelling, the beginning of his head, i circle around the top, feeling the little hole, also feeling how He grows in my warm mouth. For a moment my mouth and tongue are at rest. Silently i'm sitting at his feet, enjoying this intimacy. This calmness is special; where i otherwise hungrily suck and lick, this silence is making me more than aware of his Cock, the one i crave so often. Then i take his balls in my mouth, feeling titilating little hairs, softly i suck in his balls. His hands on my head is giving me security. Again i take his Cock in my mouth, and it's very hard not to suck and giving pleasure. T. pulls back, walking away to fetch the cane. Desirous i lick my lips, i wanna taste and drink him so badly. My desire is granted 'cause T. is pushing his Cock in my mouth again. Deep. Meanwhile He's beating my bum with the cane, while his other hand is grabbing my hair firmly. His hand grabbing my hair is giving desires. Making me to suck like a fanatic, hungry, it's stronger than me. How harder the blows, how deeper i suck my Owner in, meanwhile taking care of that i don't accidently use my teeth because of the pain.

"Feel me deliberately mo, what's the difference as i beat you?"

His Cock in my mouth is a consolation as He's beating me this hard, a support, a lifebuoy. This pleases him and that makes me happy. He pushes his fingers inside of me to notice that i'm very excited. Humiliating words towards me, making me even more excited. I suck him in deeper, measuring his reactions. Searching for his most sensitive spots and i'm delighted as i notice his reactions. Doing my most utterly best, T. is pushing hard and deep, He's fucking my mouth till the shank. Sometimes i heave, which i try to suppress. But this arouses my Owner, so i receive him as deep as possible. Then He pulls back, which disappoint me 'cause i wanna please him, giving him what He deserves. That time will come but for now my Owner doesn't wanna cum yet. He's pushing me firmly against his belly, a heartfelt embrace. I feel his warm and soft belly, i smell his delicious scent. His scent, tickeling my nostrils, making me wanna kneel for Him, enclosing Him with my warm mouth so that He can form me to that what's giving Him the most pleasure. His!

i am nothing and because of that everything

Photograph by Stranahan ° I know i scored something too

Does it excist; beyond ardent intensity? Even more intense and ardent as it was ever before? Yesterday i've experienced this is possible. I've had a lot of pain and mental humiliation, love and admission, beatings and firm hugs. Piss-slut as it wasn't meant to be, cock-worship in a new dimension, heavily tied up breasts while torturing them, anal defloration and it didn't hurt to my surprise. Why did i (once) had to say that i can take a lot on my cunt and so i could get it and felt it. Oh yeah, i felt it. Today delicious pained tits and bum. But most of all a satisfying mental happiness. For not a moment i felt fear, not even as T. had his hand deep inside of me. Everytime knowing each other better, so therefore more trust, more possibillities, more daring. Full of trust i was and totally focused on my Owner. At some point i wasn't there any longer, wheter i was T. Kneeling on the floor after severe beating i deeply felt my submission. At a level i've never felt before. Feeling oh so happy and gratitude overwhelmed me. I tried to describe what i felt, but i couldn't find the words. Lying on the floor, at His feet, i was complete His. I would do everything for Him, He could do whatever He wants to do with me. Searching for the right words to show Him my gratitude and feelings i came up with this: i am nothing and because of that everything. Does this make sense to you, do you know dear reader what i mean? Oh well, there will be another report about this meeting. As soon as i can find the words to describe how it is; T. and i, Master and slave, Tormentor and His .
For now i am glowing on my little cloud.

ADAGIO

T., my Sir is the Owner and Player of my body and mind and sees to that his willing instrument mo makes the most strange and beautiful music.

This i wrote down after He placed clamps on my nipples and labia and ordered me to crawl into the cage. Oh, how terrible i find it to crawl when He's looking at me. He closes the door behind me and i have to sit down on hands and knees and feel. To feel how the pain of the clamps slowly travels thru my body. Before me a white paper and a red marker. I sit faced to the wall hearing T. who puts ready some stuff. I cannot see him. I have to describe in one phrase how i see us in our relationship. Who are we together? I can't write it down too fast, first i have to feel it very carefully. I hear him walking around while my thoughts call up some allegories. I want to please my Owner and astonish him. But because of this urge to do things well i become this little girl that can't think clearly, talks nonsense and sometimes is very clumsy. Beautiful words go trhu my mind, but in fact are these words too beautiful, not touching the essence of my deepest feelings. Finally i come up with the phrase mentioned above.
Is that one phrase? my Owner asks as He quickly glances over the paper. Read it aloud to me mo.

Uncertain i read aloud the words i've written down. He doesn't like it, too many words, perhaps too overdone, too beautiful? With bent head i wait for his reaction as He picks up the paper. He reads aloud the phrase again. Then silence.
Yes, i like it mo, you're allowed to crawl out of the cage.

ANDANTE

T. directs me to this chair that spreads your legs. (What's the word for it? Thank you....) As He attaches my arms to it, He shows me that the rope isn't that tight. So if i panic i'm loose in one second. Again i'm surprised and grateful for the understanding and empathy of my Tormentor. Sometimes i panic as i'm attached completely. Well, my legs are attached very firm. Then T. blindfolds me and puts on the collar. I am His.
Naked i sit on this chair, legs astraddled. T. makes up something nice. For him that is, for me it's something awkward. He connects the clamps with the heavy chains which are hanging from the ceiling to the ground. Then He attaches the clamps on my labia and because of the gravity of the chains the clamps are pulled of with one pull ór tormenting slowly depending on the bite of the clamps.
I don't need to do anything, just watching and enjoying. The chains are doing all the work for me.
Meanwhile T. sometimes pushes his fingers in me to check out or attaches the clamps again.

CRESCENDO

As my labia are tormented enough, T. thinks it's time to let them glow more intense. Through the cane, some whips and the paddle. He raises the rhytm and sometimes i cannot sit quietly because of the pain. The big dildo is pushed inside to ascertain that the stretching turns out to be efficient. This interchanges for a while. Constantly i'm close to an orgasm but it doesn't hold on. T. is whipping me up with severe beating and humiliating words. Then unexpectedly He pushes his fingers in me, squeezing. I feel very ashamed as i feel lots of juice dripping over my legs and His hands.
Is that pee? That isn't pee is it? i ask confused and embarrassed.
It didn't feel like peeing, it doesn't smell like it. Apparrently i came gushing. T. saw me gushing with great force.

I'm on my knees, sitting before a box. I can drape myself over it and have some support. Fifty blows with the cane is what i deserve and i have to count. It isn't the smallest cane. A little bit bigger which gives a more dusted pain. I still can feel this pain deeply four days later. I love this feeling very much. But during the beating i damn this cane because of the intense pain. The cane i curse, the cane i love and crave. T. gives me 10 blows each time. After which i can catch my breath and He using some whips and the paddle on me. These blows i don't have to count. For a present i bought my Owner a paddle and when this paddle arrived at home i had to swallow my fear. Because this paddle was much larger than i thought it was haha. For now i can feel how this paddle gives my bottom a nice glow. Ouch! Another kind of pain. The blows T. gives me by hand are a relieve after the blows from the cane and the crop. All these different kind of pain and blows are leading me to floating away. Far away. But every time my Owner calls me back as i have to count the blows from the cane. Then finally i let myself flow on the pain and the pain becomes a pleasure. (On the photograph you can see the remaining marks of my Owner after 4 days. I wear them with pride.)

FORTE

Do you know mo how deep i'm inside of you?

I know Sir, but i don't wanna hear it, please don't tell me.

But i can feel it and how. It hurts a lot! As if i'll be broken in two. At the same time it arouses me a lot. With restrained breath i can feel how my Tormentor moves His hand in and out. His hand is totally inside me. I have it very warm. The heat blazes up from my tormented cunt to my head. I sniffle ánd i laugh. I feel intense pain and intense lust. I am nothing, i am my Owners thing. His horny fuck-thing. His hand inside me, that tortures me and beats me. At the end T. penetrates me deep and starts fucking me. The scalding heat in my head still burns. I am begging T.

Hit me, please hurt me Sir!

And i get much more then what i asked for. My Owner fucks me deep and hits me everywhere. On my breasts and most of all in my face. Several hard blows. Making me dizzy, taking my breath away. That makes me subside in bliss. His fuck-thing, that's what i am. Again i cum gushing. This time i'm not embarrassed.

On top of me, He is, my Owner. He fucks my mouth. Deep. Sometimes i can't breathe, sometimes He's poking that deep that makes me heave. Then He spurts over my face and sinks again over me. I look in his eyes, see the fire burning. He kisses me and i caress his back and bum.

CODA

This post doesn't suffice our meeting. There was happening so much more that i can't seize in words. Together we have walked much furthermore, but these are just words. The emotions i feel, so completely being His. My deep glowing submissiveness, His fiery Dominance and Sadism are engraved in my memory. There are no words for this, it's music that sings inside me. It sings inside my being. And i hope inside the being of my Owner.

Reverbation and shared sorrow

As we arrived in DB we went to our familiar pub for a cup of coffee. That there was lots of more coffee that day we didn't know yet. We could take place at our trusted seats totally in the back of the pub, where T. easily can come under my skirt groping me without being noticed. I brought my Owner a present for his birthday; a collection of poems. The other present i bought for Him wasn't fit to open in the pub. ;-) That had to wait for a proper moment and place. We talked about my 'unwillingness' , what's the reason that i felt uneasy to accomplish my Owners orders? T. told me that He was angry and sad and ofcourse i find this terrible. We talked about his anger; i can't tell when He's angry. I wasn't allowed to wear the collar, not yet, i didn't earn it. Maybe that afternoon. That touched me very much. We talked about desires and expectations. Then it was time to go.

"Do you know where we are going too mo?"

Indeed i had a presumption. This turned out to be the right one. The sexvideotheque where you can rent a room. Unfortunately you can't reserve this room. T. assumed that if we arrive there, the room is vacant. But his optimism wasn't correct. The room was occupied and probably for an hour or two apologized the owner. Meanwhile i felt embarrassed because the male customers were examining me curiously.

We were walking thru DB, the sun was shining, my hand in my Owners hand. We had a nice lunch, feeling great. Again my Owner tried the videotheque. Still occupied. T. had another option but because He had to leave early this meeting we hadn't enough time for it. We went to the cathedral i love so much. Sitting quietly and talking. And again a last try at the videotheque. When it became clear that the room was still occupied (tjeez does this man alone needs so much time? ;-)) we decided to go back to the pub. Time for a cold beer and a glass of wine for me.

Being with my Owner and no possibilities to play is frustrating because i was craving like hell. But so did my Owner. I was allowed to notice that when T. took my hand and directed it to his vital parts. We were sitting there in the back of the pub on our trusted seats. T. unzipped his trousers and i felt his masculinity in all his splendour. My hand pinching and softly stroking his warm cock provoked my lips a longing sigh. Shared sorrow.

"If i would command you to give me a blowjob right here, right now, you would do that little slut of me."

I wasn't so sure about that really. Although we were sitting in the back of the pub, we were still visible to others. But oh those eyes of my Possessor, if He should command me that, first i'll be hesitating but finally i would do it. I think. I would close my eyes, shutting the world out. Then only our magical world excists. He and i. But He didn't command me to give him a blowjob.

Because of a post from the lovely s.o.d. we were talking about breasts. Big one, small ones. Which did my Owner prefer i asked him curiously. T. likes it that i have a full body.

"If I beat your breasts then my blow resonates so deliciously on your body. It shudders and is moving softly like an echo. It's nice looking at that."

Despite of the fact that the day wasn't exactly as T. had planned and of which i was longing and craving, it was so good to be together again. Talking and getting to know each other better is nice also. Then it was time to travel back to my daily existence. Delays and liveliness on the station. T.'s train went on time. He gave me permission to masturbate on the train, knowing that He also was freeing himself from the craving and tension. Ofcourse i had to send him a textmessage about the how and when. Finally my train arrived. On the toilet i brought myself to a climax two times. It didn't take long dear reader, as you can imagine. Back to my seat, not yet taken lucky me, i send T. a textmessage. His reaction was so very hot and yes i got permission, so again i went to the toilet. After a trainstop. I went to the other direction because suppose someone will notice that I was going to the toilet again. Ha! So very much not wanna be a slut but i can't deny it. Surely i am....... Therefore feeling guilty, shameful behavior.

The SM path i am walking on is testing above all my patience. But it's a consolation to know that my Owner is craving as much as i do. Meanwhile i have to continue the stretching etc..... When i'll meet my Owner again i don't know. So i happily crave and bounce till next time.

Travelling

'YES! And do exactly what I want you to do....'

On the station i was waiting for further instructions from my Owner. He sended me these words at the moment that the train direction DB drove within. Oh my, nervously i got on the train. This time i was allowed to buy a ticket. T. loves variation. But what was He suspecting from me? What made me so nervous?

I want you to take the train from 11:26 hours. Be trustful, knowing that your Owner is near. You walk as far as possible towards the beginning of the train. Till you can't go further because of the locomotive. There mo, on that inhospitable, gloomy balcony you settle down to welcome your Owner. On the moment the train starts moving you stand up, your back against the wall, your face towards the direction we're driving. Feel it; that you're Mine, that you belong to Me. When you're ready to please Me, you send your Tormentor a textmessage. Then you take with both hands the seam of your dress and draw this up so far that My slutcunt is exhibitting itself in public. After which you close your eyes and wait.

As i got in the train i took place in a compartment for a while 'cause i didn't know which direction the train would go to. Not thinking clear because of the tension. I sended my Owner a textmessage. His reply came quickly. That i was in the last section of the train and had to start walking to the beginning. It was a long train. I started walking and was wondering about the fact that T. was good in making himself invisible while apparently He nevertheless still could observing me. Quickly i started to go on the train. Finally i was at the last balcony. Happy to see there was no one there. I had the possibility to escape from this, but this would bring in more pain for me later on. I sat down on the tip-up chair and took off my jacket. Waiting for the departure. From the locomotive i heard some noises from the engineer that made me nervous. Suppose that he is coming out while i was standing there with my skirt up drawn? Yes, i couldn't think logically any longer from that moment on haha, because as the train starts moving ofcourse the engineer couldn't come out. As i heard the whistle from the conductor i listened very concentrated. Hm he was nearby. The train started to move and i looked into the compartment to check out if the conductor was coming my direction. He wasn't. The moment of no return; i sended my Owner a textmessage (is sms also a english expression?) that his slave was ready for Him. I stood up, pushed my back against the wall, took the seam of my dress. My eyes were closed as i pulled up my skirt. There i stood astride, naked belly and cunt, waiting for T. It seemed such a long time and it was very difficult to keep my eyes closed because i heard all kind of strange noises but i holded on. Not a single time i opened my eyes. Then i felt lips on mine, a hand groping my cunt, the trusted scent of my Owner. I could resist the urge to open my eyes.

"So slavegirl, are you ready for your Master? I am going to torment you."

T. brings up that i am very wet despite of my nerves for standing with a naked cunt in public. Very wet. The first blows on my cunt appear very loud to me. I was thinking that the engineer must hear this. But i kept my eyes closed and let happen what T. has in mind.

"This feels much different than those soft slaps you gave yourself in my command, isn't it mo?"

I had to admit this. Some blows on my cheeks and i was moaning softly. A new series of blows follows and my cunt starts to glow. Then i am allowed to drop my skirt. We are on a slow train and stop by a station. Nearby He is standing, my Owner, so i am not that nervous. But i hear all kinda noises and i am wondering if there are any travellers getting in on 'our' balcony. Thoughts are keeping me busy. I'm sure it's looking strange; me standing here with my back against the wall and closed eyes. But i feel safe 'cause T. is with me. Proud am i 'cause my eyes are still closed. My Owner finds this a pity. He gladly had given me some extra punishment.

As the train is moving again He hauls my tits from my dress and bra and is beating me maliciously on my nipples. Ow, damn this really hurts a lot! I can take little on my nipples. I shrink back, trying to avoid His blows. Slap! A hard blow on my cheek. T. pushes his fingers deep inside me and starts finger fucking me. I react intensely. Not so strange because of the orgasm-ban i had. I forget totally where we are and start moaning softly, letting myself go. T. stops just before i start to come, which frustrates me. Again hard blows on my cunt. I push my coxa forward, begging for more. This ritual repeats itself for a while; blows on my cunt, slapping my face, T. finger fucking me, stopping at a station and then again........

Then it seems as if T. was gone. I reach my hands forward untill i feel Him. He turns me around, taking on my behind. Then finally i am allowed to open my eyes to look at my Owner. We hugging and kissing each other. He takes me by the hand, directing me to a compartment that can be closed. Our own 'private' spot.

T. is sitting opposite of me. I have to spread my legs widely so He can watch me carefully. T. loves my full cunt as He names it. Again i have to close my eyes. First He places two very viscious pegs on the inside of my thighs. The ones with little sharp teeth. Because my skin is thight there it causes extra pain. Followed by pegs on my labia and the American clamps with a little chain in between. These fall off very quickly while they used to have a firm grip.

"Surely you know why these clamps fall of mo? Such a terrible slut you are. Why are these clamps falling off? Tell me."

To my decency i have to admit that i know why. Because i am soaking wet, that's why. T. places the clamps again, more firmly. Now they don't fall off. T. is pulling the chain. A delicious pain, which i was craving for penetrates my body. Several fingers inside of me and i am longing for more.

"You may not cum mo!"

Finally the unavoidable happens and i orgasm.

"Ehm sorry Sir, i came a little bit."

"Cumming a little bit doesn't excist slut. You'll find out later."

Much too soon we arrived at our destination. At the same time i was happy we arrived there. Because i was intensely craving for more pain, more humiliation, more trashing. T. is pulling the leash and i will notice. Because i had asking my Owner for it, didn't i?

Apart from that indeed the engineer had heard the blows, T. told me later. At some moment he was checking it out, looking behind the door. Fortunately i had my eyes closed.

Though i feel myself small * My ordeal in front of my Owner

Photograph by Lula Robins

Orgasm on command i find very hard to do. Five...four...three...two...one...NOW! Then i obstruct the feeling. i could manage this very few times and i find it very exciting. However. Also very difficult for me is to masturbate while my Owner is watching me. When T. in the hotelroom placed two chairs opposite of each other, i knew what will occur next. He installed himself comfortable in one chair while i had to sit down in the other chair facing Him. Straddle-legged. Ofcourse. i was wearing stockings and high heels. Nothing else. Giggling i did what He expected me to do, 'cause tjeez it's so embarrassing to sit like that while naked. Very aware of my nudity and sluttyness. Apparently T. couldn't see clear what He wanna see 'cause i had to push a bit. He placed my feet on the arms. i sat there, legs upwards and astraddled, therefore T. had a good look on my cunt. Correction; my very wet cunt. Uneasy. That's how i felt. So i kept giggling which annoyed me very much.
"I would say mo, go ahead."
Hm, i suppose i looked at Him kinda dazzled.
"you know exactly what I mean mo, go ahead. Don't let your Owner wait. Finger yourself."
While hesitating a bit i lay a finger on my clit. Very aware of the eyes of T. Kind but stringent. i touch and rub my clit a bit while i place my other hand over my face. My fingers somewhat spreaded i peep at T. seeing His amused face.
"Take your hand away from your face mo and look me in the eye. You can do better then what you're performing right now. Finger yourself as you mean it!"
i try to focus and caress and rub my clit more aimed. Meanwhile i try to let go my sense of shame. Sometimes i still wanna hide my face behind my hand but i correct myself. i can't deny that i'm very aroused, my cunt speaks for itself. Very wet. My excitement increases and i relax more.
"Open your eyes mo, you have to look at me."
The amused look in His eyes is replaced by concentration. i can't tell what His feelings were at that moment. On the other hand i feel His eyes intensely orientated on me. His Possession; that is for now His slut. My stockings, shoes, i can see so conscious turn me on. My fingers are doing their job purposeful and i almost drown in His eyes. His fierce glance penetrating me is almost making me come. But i can't pull it off. Again i close my eyes, sometimes my head falls backwards in passion. Nevertheless i correct myself again and again because at this moment i crave nothing more than to look in His eyes. Though i feel myself small. Faster my fingers are rubbing, my breathing is heavy, but my climax failed to come. Then my Owner decides to help. He leans over while looking at me. i don't remember if He encouraged me, i love it as He humiliates me with words. While my fingers are still rubbing my clit, T. pushes His fingers in my cunt. He pushes them hard inside of me, outside, inside again. Our eyes breaking into each other and i exploding with His help into a severe, long lasting orgasm.

Epilogue: His fingers in my cunt have to become finally His whole hand. To be continued.

PS 2; i'm not sure if the title is grammatically correct. Though i feel myself small. Or; Though i feel small. Please point this out to me. Thank you. :-)

Arithmetic

Unfortunately i had forgotten to take my camera with me when i met my Owner on Good Friday. It was a command though. With pleasure and pride i had wanna show you the marks on my bum, so i'm fed up with my forgetfulness, but well that's the way it is. Better next time. The marks are now after a week faded away, but i still can feel my bum, which i do enjoy very much! Only my first Master could manage this. He was a sadist pur sang. So it was a long time ago that i had this pleasure. I wrote that i received 3 x 25 blows with the cane, but that wasn't correct. Luckily T. doesn't blame me. Ofcourse i had other things on my mind at that moment. Ouch! Ouch!

My Owner is fond of numbers. And no He isn't an accountant. Therefore, one way or another, it is a returning item in our relationship, our meetings. At present i am/was not so good with numbers at all, but T. has a very good recollection for it. So i can present you, if it should interest you, the right sequence of numbers. ;-)
The numbers in chronologic order of rank; all torments were a multiple of five.

The belt: 4 x 5 blows
The cane 6-8 mm: 9 x 5 blows
Red flogger: 2 x 5 blows on my bum
2 x 5 blows on my cunt
The cane 9-11 mm: 7 x 5 blows
Red flogger: 2 x 5 blows on my bum
3 x 5 blows on my cunt
The cane 16-19 mm: 5 x 5 blows. Result was a split cane.
The belt: 2 x 5 blows

This rhytmic, provoking torment mo was switched with atonal, manual actions; groping, pinching and opening your displayed cunt and arse as well.
I don't blame you mo, that you didn't remember this steady sequence.

Okay, perhaps now you do understand why i still can feel my bum? Count the numbers. I believe that eventually i'll enjoy maths. Some day.

Jute

Naked i stand before my Owner. Blindfolded. He looks at me, in His hands He's holding a gunny. Holes for my head and arms. Made by my Possessor with love. i raise my arms and He pulls the gunny over my head. The cloth stings pleasantly my skin. The smell of sand and musty cellars stimulating my nose. Not an awkward smell i think. My shelter. T. sets up a breastbondage. Tightly He wraps the rope around my breasts, around my waist. The rope intensifies the roughness of the jute cloth. I'm surprised to notice that i love this tight harness of rope very much. I haven't experienced bondage before. The jute cloth that stings and grates, wrapped around with the tight rope gives me a very comfortable, safe feeling. T. commands me to pull up the jute a little, releasing my bum. Satisfied He's looking at His work. With flat hands He's slapping my curves. Because of the bondage and the fixed jute my breasts are emphasised. He's grabbing them, holding them firmly, squeezes them. He guides me to the St. Andrewscross Andreascross and attaches my arms to the cross. High above my head. I swallow nervously. In the past i've had some troubles if i were fixed whilst standing up. Again He's grabbing my breasts firmly. Stinging jute.
Ofcourse you do understand that I free those breasts again for My own pleasure, don't you?
I hear Him opening His knife. *Click* Once again i swallow, tensed waiting. The sound of tearing cloth, a slight touch of the knife on my skin. I moisten my lips with my tongue and am aware of my tension. Lightheaded. The emotions and stress of this first proceeding, intense meeting rise to the surface in all fierceness. But i don't wanna give up, i'm fed up with this feelings. I wanna feel, encounter. Thoughts storming thru my mind and i try to calm down, which doesn't work. Cold sweat.
T. i think You have to release me, i have to lay down, 'cause standing up doesn't work right now for me.
Lots of apologies i'm mumbling as He sets me free, but He's hugging me, holding me tight, giving me some water to drink. Then i lay down on a bondagetable and close my eyes. T. continues where He had stopped. With His knife He's cutting the jute around my breasts, peeling them till their naked. Then scratching my naked skin. From the waist i'm not covered by the jute. Astride i'm laying there, on that table. Shamelessly, because i'm a little bit floating therefore shyness and embarrassement don't have a chance to show up. T. is hitting my cunt, i like that. He's hitting me harder and harder but still i push my hips towards Him for more. His hand under my chin, forcing me to look Him in the eyes. Drowning in His burning eyes. Then the first blow on my cheek, softly. And another one, softly. I look deeply in His eyes as the next blow hits me hard. That's the moment i break, i surrender myself, feeling deep inside me that i am His Property. His slave. I start to cry, feeling intense happy.

Later on T. tells me why He uses the jute to put on me. How does the jute smell? He asks me. What do you think of when smelling it? Right! That's why He made this up for me. My owner knows how much i love lonely, deserted places, rough environments. Dungeons, cellars, hard, cold stone floors. Where you can smell earth, water, moss, rotten leaves. Oh my God, isn't that terribly sweet? I am such a lucky dog. Slap!!! The blow on my cheek is glowing. Indeed a happy slave. That's me.