While the heart beats passion

Photograph; God said no by Suzi9mm

Her hands
decently folded
above the blankets

while the heart beats passion.

Veiled secrets

upon her devoted face.

The slow and lonely blazing

from a humble fire.
The cell where she sleeps is dark.
Silent yearnings.

Raw dreams that hurt.
In a frenzied heat
between tribulation

and tranquillity

she touches the belly
of her heaven.

Her nails tormenting

the sinful flesh

until she bleeds.

She seems untouched by this fire.
Unaffected tears

clearing her dark heart.

© Moonheart april 2008

Sunlight

Lately i was very tired. Therefore i hadn't accomplish a Command my Owner asked me to do. That made me feel guilty. The feeling to disappoint your Owner is the worst feeling a submissive can have. In a mail i had explained why it take so long. Ofcourse i take His Command serious and as soon as i have regain some energy i'll do what He wants me to do.
Take your time to find your balance. Your basis and your most important being and possession are your health, your family and your own life! I'm not disappointed, but i wish for you all strenghth and wisdom for now.
Such a lovely mail. My Owner is an intelligent but also very empathic man. So i could let go my guilty feelings. Though somewhere something stayed picking. Was the little girl in me afraid that her Owner wouldn't find her a sweet girl any longer.

Between our meetings the communication between my Owner and me goes by mail and sometimes a text message. And incidentally we phone each other. This is sufficient for me, it feels good because of the strength of our togetherness. I'm a little surprised by it, 'cause this is new for me. i spoke everyday with my former Masters on messenger and by sms. This can be oppressive at times. A commitment that doesn't feel comfortable. Besides it can influence your daily life/relationship in a negative way. Sometimes that did happen to me, i got lost too much in the D/s relationship. (I'm in a vanilla relationship. My love/hubbie doesn't have SM feelings, so He gives me the freedom to explore my submissive, masochistic feelings with my Owner) Also; to talk every day with your Master doesn't guarantee commitment and trust. Not earlier i've felt myself so confident and known as in this D/s relationship with T. Not earlier i've felt the togetherness as strong as i feel now. (i'm talking about my D/s relationships, not my vanilla one. My hubbie and i are together for 27 years now.) Also there is a perfect balance between my daily life and my submissive life.

T. does travel a lot for His work, last weekend was His birthday, and end of the week He's on a holiday with His family for 2 weeks. Therefore very busy. So His mail came less frequently. No, that's not right, there was a maximum of five days between the mail. And this happened once. It felt for me, girl with feelings of guilt as if His mail came less often. Perhaps His mail was less extensive then i got used to, but His words still were as sparkling as always and made very clear who i am for T. His girl, slut, slave. But the insecure girl was craving for more connection, needed soft caresses, was looking for confirmation. Perhaps the reason for this has also to do with the fact that our next meeting is only halfway may. I send T. a mail in which i describe Him my feelings. Full of trust, without fear. I point this out, because in former D/s relationships i was frightened to expose my insecure feelings. The answer was most of the time anger or manipulation. I often felt worthless. This says a lot concerning my former relationships. This also says much concerning me.
Because it was weekend, i had to wait a little bit for an answer. The girl in me became very restless. Yesterday morning i send Him a text message. Sweet Tormentor, i wish you a very nice day.

Who's are you and are you alone?
My heart jumped. i'm alone at home. i have to sit down on a chair, bare abdomen, astride so that the sun can strike my cunt. Phone, clamps and weight next to me. Eyes closed. A pity that the sun shined not yet into the room, but the intent is clear. For now T. is the Sun and i am His moonheart. My minds eye sees His face. Intense, concentrated, sparkles in His eyes. As the phone rings i answer it as fast as i can. His voice that warms and soothes me.
"I'm with you mo. I'm standing right in front of you."
In a reflex i open my eyes, for a moment i thought He really was standing here. Beautiful mindplay. I feel Him so close, i'm so focussed on Him. I close my eyes again and listen. Before He leads me towards a play, He makes very clear that He's fond of me. All my aspects. Also the insecure girl. In fact He understands her. He will never let me go down. I have to repeat His words.
Then i have to place two pegs on my labia. There are little rings on the pegs, i have to attach some weight on the rings. After that i have to hit myself hard. Ten times on my cunt. Audible. It brings on some nice glowing 'cause for sure i am doing all the best i can. Besides; if my Owner can't hear a blow i have to hit myself again. Then i have to grope my cunt. Ofcourse i'm very, very wet. Ever since the very first second i am aware of the presence of my Owner i become liquid. I'm always surprised how very liquid. Attaching some more weight, swinging my hips, feeling how much the pegs and weight are pulling my labia i have to hit myself again. Audible. A finger deep in my cunt, another one and another one, my hand. I have small hands so i can manage it reasonably well. Moving in and out, sturdy, so that T. can hear how wet His slut is. The hitting and fingering interchange. Finally i have to (may) masturbate myself to a climax. This i find almost as embarrassing as masturbating while He's watching me. My Owner reminds our last meeting - Do you rememeber? - He describes my cunt. Which He finds so delicious. The clanging of the weight disturbs my concentration. I may remove them. His voice in my ear, humiliating, ravishing degrading words. It doesn't take long as i cum in a warm and intens orgasm.

My sweet mo, do you feel connected? Do you feel yourself My Property? Do you feel loved? Do you feel your throbbing wet slutcunt? Do you feel. Mine?

I've never felt as understood and known as now. It makes me happy. Yes my sweet Tyrant. i feel You. And i am. Your Property, girl, slut, slave. And i love You too.

The rest of the day i was shining more intense than the sun.

Though i feel myself small * My ordeal in front of my Owner

Photograph by Lula Robins

Orgasm on command i find very hard to do. Five...four...three...two...one...NOW! Then i obstruct the feeling. i could manage this very few times and i find it very exciting. However. Also very difficult for me is to masturbate while my Owner is watching me. When T. in the hotelroom placed two chairs opposite of each other, i knew what will occur next. He installed himself comfortable in one chair while i had to sit down in the other chair facing Him. Straddle-legged. Ofcourse. i was wearing stockings and high heels. Nothing else. Giggling i did what He expected me to do, 'cause tjeez it's so embarrassing to sit like that while naked. Very aware of my nudity and sluttyness. Apparently T. couldn't see clear what He wanna see 'cause i had to push a bit. He placed my feet on the arms. i sat there, legs upwards and astraddled, therefore T. had a good look on my cunt. Correction; my very wet cunt. Uneasy. That's how i felt. So i kept giggling which annoyed me very much.
"I would say mo, go ahead."
Hm, i suppose i looked at Him kinda dazzled.
"you know exactly what I mean mo, go ahead. Don't let your Owner wait. Finger yourself."
While hesitating a bit i lay a finger on my clit. Very aware of the eyes of T. Kind but stringent. i touch and rub my clit a bit while i place my other hand over my face. My fingers somewhat spreaded i peep at T. seeing His amused face.
"Take your hand away from your face mo and look me in the eye. You can do better then what you're performing right now. Finger yourself as you mean it!"
i try to focus and caress and rub my clit more aimed. Meanwhile i try to let go my sense of shame. Sometimes i still wanna hide my face behind my hand but i correct myself. i can't deny that i'm very aroused, my cunt speaks for itself. Very wet. My excitement increases and i relax more.
"Open your eyes mo, you have to look at me."
The amused look in His eyes is replaced by concentration. i can't tell what His feelings were at that moment. On the other hand i feel His eyes intensely orientated on me. His Possession; that is for now His slut. My stockings, shoes, i can see so conscious turn me on. My fingers are doing their job purposeful and i almost drown in His eyes. His fierce glance penetrating me is almost making me come. But i can't pull it off. Again i close my eyes, sometimes my head falls backwards in passion. Nevertheless i correct myself again and again because at this moment i crave nothing more than to look in His eyes. Though i feel myself small. Faster my fingers are rubbing, my breathing is heavy, but my climax failed to come. Then my Owner decides to help. He leans over while looking at me. i don't remember if He encouraged me, i love it as He humiliates me with words. While my fingers are still rubbing my clit, T. pushes His fingers in my cunt. He pushes them hard inside of me, outside, inside again. Our eyes breaking into each other and i exploding with His help into a severe, long lasting orgasm.

Epilogue: His fingers in my cunt have to become finally His whole hand. To be continued.

PS 2; i'm not sure if the title is grammatically correct. Though i feel myself small. Or; Though i feel small. Please point this out to me. Thank you. :-)

Arithmetic

Unfortunately i had forgotten to take my camera with me when i met my Owner on Good Friday. It was a command though. With pleasure and pride i had wanna show you the marks on my bum, so i'm fed up with my forgetfulness, but well that's the way it is. Better next time. The marks are now after a week faded away, but i still can feel my bum, which i do enjoy very much! Only my first Master could manage this. He was a sadist pur sang. So it was a long time ago that i had this pleasure. I wrote that i received 3 x 25 blows with the cane, but that wasn't correct. Luckily T. doesn't blame me. Ofcourse i had other things on my mind at that moment. Ouch! Ouch!

My Owner is fond of numbers. And no He isn't an accountant. Therefore, one way or another, it is a returning item in our relationship, our meetings. At present i am/was not so good with numbers at all, but T. has a very good recollection for it. So i can present you, if it should interest you, the right sequence of numbers. ;-)
The numbers in chronologic order of rank; all torments were a multiple of five.

The belt: 4 x 5 blows
The cane 6-8 mm: 9 x 5 blows
Red flogger: 2 x 5 blows on my bum
2 x 5 blows on my cunt
The cane 9-11 mm: 7 x 5 blows
Red flogger: 2 x 5 blows on my bum
3 x 5 blows on my cunt
The cane 16-19 mm: 5 x 5 blows. Result was a split cane.
The belt: 2 x 5 blows

This rhytmic, provoking torment mo was switched with atonal, manual actions; groping, pinching and opening your displayed cunt and arse as well.
I don't blame you mo, that you didn't remember this steady sequence.

Okay, perhaps now you do understand why i still can feel my bum? Count the numbers. I believe that eventually i'll enjoy maths. Some day.

Jute

Naked i stand before my Owner. Blindfolded. He looks at me, in His hands He's holding a gunny. Holes for my head and arms. Made by my Possessor with love. i raise my arms and He pulls the gunny over my head. The cloth stings pleasantly my skin. The smell of sand and musty cellars stimulating my nose. Not an awkward smell i think. My shelter. T. sets up a breastbondage. Tightly He wraps the rope around my breasts, around my waist. The rope intensifies the roughness of the jute cloth. I'm surprised to notice that i love this tight harness of rope very much. I haven't experienced bondage before. The jute cloth that stings and grates, wrapped around with the tight rope gives me a very comfortable, safe feeling. T. commands me to pull up the jute a little, releasing my bum. Satisfied He's looking at His work. With flat hands He's slapping my curves. Because of the bondage and the fixed jute my breasts are emphasised. He's grabbing them, holding them firmly, squeezes them. He guides me to the St. Andrewscross Andreascross and attaches my arms to the cross. High above my head. I swallow nervously. In the past i've had some troubles if i were fixed whilst standing up. Again He's grabbing my breasts firmly. Stinging jute.
Ofcourse you do understand that I free those breasts again for My own pleasure, don't you?
I hear Him opening His knife. *Click* Once again i swallow, tensed waiting. The sound of tearing cloth, a slight touch of the knife on my skin. I moisten my lips with my tongue and am aware of my tension. Lightheaded. The emotions and stress of this first proceeding, intense meeting rise to the surface in all fierceness. But i don't wanna give up, i'm fed up with this feelings. I wanna feel, encounter. Thoughts storming thru my mind and i try to calm down, which doesn't work. Cold sweat.
T. i think You have to release me, i have to lay down, 'cause standing up doesn't work right now for me.
Lots of apologies i'm mumbling as He sets me free, but He's hugging me, holding me tight, giving me some water to drink. Then i lay down on a bondagetable and close my eyes. T. continues where He had stopped. With His knife He's cutting the jute around my breasts, peeling them till their naked. Then scratching my naked skin. From the waist i'm not covered by the jute. Astride i'm laying there, on that table. Shamelessly, because i'm a little bit floating therefore shyness and embarrassement don't have a chance to show up. T. is hitting my cunt, i like that. He's hitting me harder and harder but still i push my hips towards Him for more. His hand under my chin, forcing me to look Him in the eyes. Drowning in His burning eyes. Then the first blow on my cheek, softly. And another one, softly. I look deeply in His eyes as the next blow hits me hard. That's the moment i break, i surrender myself, feeling deep inside me that i am His Property. His slave. I start to cry, feeling intense happy.

Later on T. tells me why He uses the jute to put on me. How does the jute smell? He asks me. What do you think of when smelling it? Right! That's why He made this up for me. My owner knows how much i love lonely, deserted places, rough environments. Dungeons, cellars, hard, cold stone floors. Where you can smell earth, water, moss, rotten leaves. Oh my God, isn't that terribly sweet? I am such a lucky dog. Slap!!! The blow on my cheek is glowing. Indeed a happy slave. That's me.

Blossom

As from the moment i saw Him standing there on the platform of the station and a little bit later got in His car, i was His. As i saw Him standing there, sparkles in His eyes, savage curls dancing in the wind, my heart jumped from joy. For twenty four hours i will surrender myself to this Man. We drove to a perfect session room near Veenendaal. Where we finally can play profoundly. Going further then before.

i had to undress myself, lock myself into the cage, waiting for Him. Nervously i wait for what comes next. On the floor above me i hear His footsteps. Then i hear Him coming down. He blindfolds me. i have to press my body against the cold steel of the cagedoor. He attaches two pegs on my labia, on them a short chain which He affixes to the metal bars. i feel how the sharp pain of the pegs floats thru my body. i stand very still so that the short chain isn't pulling the pegs, intensifying the pain. i hear my Owner walking around, put ready some stuff, prepare. He removes the pegs, opens the cage, allows me to take some steps outside it. Do you trust me mo? Affirmatively i nod my head. He whispers softly in my ear, giving me nice shivers. Now you are mine; My slave, slut, girl, darling. I'll torture you, humiliate you but also cherish you. I peel you totally, layer for layer untill you are standing in front of me in all your nakedness. I want you completely, all of you.
He takes my hand and places something in it. i feel solid leather, a metal ring in the middle. As He puts on this collar i'm deeply moved. From that moment on a lot was happening those twenty four hours when we were together. Too much to excerpt in a blog.* The trunk was too cold and have to wait. My Possessor has kissed me, caressed me, beated me with several canes, whips, ofcourse His belt, the feather-duster. He observed me and saw my complete nakedness. He slapped my face more than once, humiliated me, scratched softly with His knife on my skin, wrote on me with a marker. He nourished me His seed, he gave me water, He pulled my hair, He washed my hair. He was making His girl mad from excitement, craving, very, very wet. He embarrassed me, making me small, let me cry. The pain in my bum is deep, i can enjoy it for some time. i received 3 x 25 blows from the cane. From which especially the thick one leaves a numb, deep kind of pain. My whole body aches, a delicious aching that makes me feel warm inside. He made me totally His, i am a happy slave, proud, floating in submissive heaven. We met each other while spring begins. The beginning of this spring means also the blossoming of my slaveheart.


* Moments from this gathering will be continued in following blog(s)

Un peu nerveux

Photograph; Slash II by Herr Buchta

Tomorrow is the day. The beginning of spring, full moon evening and i'll meet my Owner, Tormentor and Protector again. Then we'll be together for 24 hours. i'm looking forward to it with a great desire, tickles and soft shivers. This girl is un peu nerveux. Hope i sleep well tonight.........

Vulnerable

There's something intruiging going on. Concerning my feelings and emotions. It has a lot to do with the hint from T., about the trunk of a car. The (apart from that beautiful blog) from s.o.d. about being transported in a trunk and the comment from humble doll on it, has put my feelings in some sort of a rapid. Clearer said: so i'm not the only one that find the idea of a trunk exciting. Seeing this written down makes it impossible to push away this dark little bit of myself. It enforces me to look at it. Often when i find on the net a photo showing a helpless girl back in a trunk, i document it 'cause i find such an image attractive. Still my feelings stayed, in spite of being fascinated, numb. Apparently i didn't allow myself to feel anything. And why is that? Nosing around on the net indeed you find little photographs with this kind of image. Is this too much taboo? While this doesn't happen against the will of the submissive, this should be clear. Ofcourse, i do understand the essence of this taboo. You don't find much images like these on the net, but you dó find horrorstories of women who were find in a trunk, after being kidnapped and raped or even worse. Ofcourse this is horrible; i'm against every form of violence against mankind. But why am i not afraid to look at my rape fantasies? Why do i allow myself to feel something thinking about this? Why is for me being transported in the trunk of my Owner worse? More taboo than needles thru my nipples and labia? While needles for me was enormous transgressing.
Meanwhile T. made clear that the trunk isn't a mindfuck at all. Fact is; this touches me emotionally very deep and starts up many processes in my thinking and feeling. Thinking of coming Friday i'm jumpy and aroused and also a little bit frightened. Not because i don't trust my Owner, i trust Him for 100%. There's something else going on. So i looked inside myself. These frightening feelings aren't bad, also i don't find them creepy, but i wanna know where they come from. These feelings, clearly triggered by the trunk.

Finally i came to the following conclusion; T. and i are so much on the same frequency, with familiar dark thoughts (and more). So it's for sure He can make this dark desires of mine reality. Íf He does isn't relevant, He can. Where-ever He's leading me, i know i will follow Him. Because i've never felt myself so save and good in a D/s relationship before. This is a delightful feeling, but also scary. Because how far will i go? Which direction follows this path? Wonderful, thrilling and scary. i've never felt as vulnerable before, and as strong at the same time.
He's my Owner, He's my Protector.

Burning desires

Forgive me for the indecent thoughts when thinking of Him. This has to do with the mail He's sending me. Especially these nice photographs whereupon the Tools for Good Friday He'll take along ànd will use on me. This tool for cutting tomatoes is giving me shivers. Will He use that one on me? It's making my hands wandering. Down... further down. Touching myself. Even the Holy Mary cannot prevent that i. Forgive me my indecent thoughts. My burning desires. He's in my head and in my heart. Please, give me patience. On Good Friday i belong to Him. Body and soul. Amen.

Tie me up!

It's weekend, so have some fun!