Vulnerable

There's something intruiging going on. Concerning my feelings and emotions. It has a lot to do with the hint from T., about the trunk of a car. The (apart from that beautiful blog) from s.o.d. about being transported in a trunk and the comment from humble doll on it, has put my feelings in some sort of a rapid. Clearer said: so i'm not the only one that find the idea of a trunk exciting. Seeing this written down makes it impossible to push away this dark little bit of myself. It enforces me to look at it. Often when i find on the net a photo showing a helpless girl back in a trunk, i document it 'cause i find such an image attractive. Still my feelings stayed, in spite of being fascinated, numb. Apparently i didn't allow myself to feel anything. And why is that? Nosing around on the net indeed you find little photographs with this kind of image. Is this too much taboo? While this doesn't happen against the will of the submissive, this should be clear. Ofcourse, i do understand the essence of this taboo. You don't find much images like these on the net, but you dó find horrorstories of women who were find in a trunk, after being kidnapped and raped or even worse. Ofcourse this is horrible; i'm against every form of violence against mankind. But why am i not afraid to look at my rape fantasies? Why do i allow myself to feel something thinking about this? Why is for me being transported in the trunk of my Owner worse? More taboo than needles thru my nipples and labia? While needles for me was enormous transgressing.
Meanwhile T. made clear that the trunk isn't a mindfuck at all. Fact is; this touches me emotionally very deep and starts up many processes in my thinking and feeling. Thinking of coming Friday i'm jumpy and aroused and also a little bit frightened. Not because i don't trust my Owner, i trust Him for 100%. There's something else going on. So i looked inside myself. These frightening feelings aren't bad, also i don't find them creepy, but i wanna know where they come from. These feelings, clearly triggered by the trunk.

Finally i came to the following conclusion; T. and i are so much on the same frequency, with familiar dark thoughts (and more). So it's for sure He can make this dark desires of mine reality. Íf He does isn't relevant, He can. Where-ever He's leading me, i know i will follow Him. Because i've never felt myself so save and good in a D/s relationship before. This is a delightful feeling, but also scary. Because how far will i go? Which direction follows this path? Wonderful, thrilling and scary. i've never felt as vulnerable before, and as strong at the same time.
He's my Owner, He's my Protector.