One dazzling year

Not much time to write these dark days before Christmas. I suppose everybody is busy those last days of the year. This slavegirl is still continuous a happy slavegirl. Some three weeks ago i met my Owner again. The last meeting this year. We didn't have much time, but it was enough to feel His dominance and pain. Too bad my body didn't co-operate, i couldn't bear much pain this time. Therefore i was mainly His servient slut. Disappointed that i couldn't be His painslut as well, but i had to promise T. that i don't allow myself this feeling of failure. Because i didn't, T. imprinted.

Meanwhile i received some wonderful, heartwarming mails from my Owner. Some kind of evaluation on our D/s relationship. We know each other for almost a year now. A dazzling year in which we explored each other and recognize, we dare to love one another, and we develop our interaction as Master and submissive. A development in which T. becomes more cruel, more sadistic. To my great fear, but such a delicious, divine fear.

Master gives me permission to purchase some toys (after He approves my choices ofcourse) for my special toys attaché case. :-D And as i saw my Owners Wishlist the butterflies started fluttering along my spine. Ooooops, i swallowed, so scary but yummie scary. So if time become more quiet again i have a lot to write about. I suppose 2009 becomes even more intense. I wish all of you readers some warm, delightful holidays!

x°x°x

Candle

Left photo by J.P Fishbein, right photo by Stranahan.

Yes Sir, all is spick-and-span

On my dutch blog i sometimes post a picture labeled under 'Pulp'. Because i love this kind of pictures a lot. So here is the first one overhere. Enjoy!

Nasty red

When T. gave me the instruction to let grow my left little fingernail, i thought 'nice instruction.' At that time i didn't realize that this instruction turned out to be a subtle way to deepen my submissiveness. My little fingernails are growing the quickest, so it didn't take too long before i had a nice, moderate long nail on both my little fingers. I thought this was the beginning of eventually let grow all my fingernails 'cause i'm a nailbiter. I didn't see through that my Owner was especially interested in the left nail. So the nails of my little fingers are growing, i fulfill a given instruction that wasn't that hard, mission completed. I was satisfied with my progression and hoped that my Owner was as satisfied as i am. I didn't inform T. yet about my progression. And the satisfaction about myself wasn't appropriate. But this i only realize just now. But i'm way ahead of the facts.

During a thrilling soccergame of my youngest son, i was biting my nails. I am never aware of biting my nails, but suddenly i stopped and realized i bit off my left, or in fact my Owners left little fingernail. This sucked a lot and then the deeper meaning of T.'s instruction came thru. Suddenly i am more than aware of this (then bitten) nail. I still hadn't inform T. about my progress and didn't inform Him about this failure. But since that moment of perception i didn't bite my left little fingernail again.
As i meet my Owner again He wants to see my His nail. The nail has grown just a little bit, isn't worthwile enough. I tell T. about my failure. Despite of Your calm statement that the nail isn't good enough (yet) i notice Your hidden disappointment. This deepens even more my awareness about the nail and the desire not to disappoint You again.

Then the nail has an appealing length. At least long enough to paint it. I take care of the nail, i had bought some stuff like nailhardener and topcoat etc. I paint the nail in a dark purple. While i do this i feel dancing butterflies upon my spine. I am more than aware of T.'s Dominance over me. Taking care of and painting the nail, making me feel intensely the slave i am. I am doing this for Him, my Master who ownes me, because He wants me to do this. And i can assure you dear reader, for a nailbiter like me, not biting nails is hard. So sometimes i still bite except the little fingernails. I send T. some pictures of His nail. He tells me about colors and that He also likes a nasty red. He didn't order anything but i understand what i have to do. At the pharmacist in my neighborhood i buy me the nastiest red they have. I remove the dark purple and in upper concentration i paint His nail nasty red. These acts feel like a ritual. T. feels very close at that moment. The nail isn't mine anymore, the nail is His. Property. Pleasant impulses tickle everywhere. It isn't so much the act or the instruction that arouses me, but the feeling of my humility to His wish. He prescribes and i follow. I admire His outstanding flaming red nail. He's so obvious, but at the same time so subtle present as a sign of me being owned. Taking care of the nail, painting it, like a ritual; it feels like a collar. This beautiful red nail is His. The psychological effect of His dominance over me feels so good and exciting and deeply, deeply submissive. That something 'simple' like this can have such an huge impact. It amazes me and makes me feel grateful, humble ánd aroused as well. The nail is still growing to a elegant length and i am looking for an even more nasty red.

Heavenly surrender

Photograph by Stuart

i'll make you a prayer,
a heavenly surrender.
To the one somewhere out there.
The one who can mend her.
i pray for the one,
Who can open my door.
Let me go through,
oh yes, give me more.

i pray for the lover,
the willing intender.
To break down the door
of heavenly surrender.

i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.
i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.

i crave your violent,
Acted upon me.
Set me free by your
weighted autonomy.
i am so human,
so small, so debased.
Jealousy and darkness roll over this place.

i pray for the lover,
a willing intender.
To break down the girl,
a heavenly surrender.

i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.
i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.

i'm a lover of freedom,
But i cling to the dusk.
i'm blown by the wind,
i'm a slave;
i am lust.
Roll my face in
the shit that i sleep in.
Tie me and bind me
up for your keeping.

i'll make you a prayer,
a heavenly surrender.
To the one somewhere out there.
The one who can mend her.

i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.
i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.
i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.
i only f**k God.
i only f**k...

Lyrics by Queen Adreena

Travelling

° Click ° ° Click °

Expectation * Our hazy, little world

After a drink in the bar of the hotel, my Owner and i walked back to our room. There i had to undress myself again. Kneeling in front of the bed, You push my head downwards. I thought i was clear that evening, but as i think back to it, i notice that i don't know the right rank of what happened. Pink clouds in my head obstructing clear thinking. I was further in space then i thought i was. I don't remember if You used the belt again on me. Or if You immediately groped and pinched me.

Two fingers deep in me, three, four...... You ask me why i didn't stretch myself at home. 'Cause You notice it goes tiring. Meanwhile You push four fingers inside me, back and forth. Continuously faster. Hard. I don't remember if You pushed Your whole hand inside of me. But i know i was very aroused and came spurting. You continue and i hear the lewdness in Your voice as You snap one humiliation after another at me. I slip away in my hazy little world. Where we are alone. You and i. Where i loose myself in Your spirit. My face in the blankets, i hear Your voice stirring us up. Feeling Your hand deep inside of me, while Your other hand is pushing my head down. Suddenly You penetrate me deep, fucking me with a pent-up rage i've never experienced before. Harsh. Heated. I hear Your humiliating words, but it's only sound. The meaning doesn't get through. Hazy and warm. I feel while Your grip in my hair strenghten. Pulling my head backwards. Then i feel the first slap in my face. Not only my cheek is glowing. More slaps follow. Hazy and warm. i feel as the last slap overwhelms me. For a moment darkness in my head and astonishment. Stars. I see stars as You help me to stand up. Taking me by the hand and lead me to the shower. And i know what comes next.

I'm sitting on the cool tiles. Bent head. The hazyness in my head is gone and a cool intelligibility calms my heated thoughts. Notices how small the shower is. How this space is filled with great expectations. How my stomach contracts because of the nervously fluttering butterflies. I look up and see Your concentrated face above me. I smile. You too find it difficult to piss under pressure. The pressure of expectations this time. I open my mouth, but close it nervously as i feel how the first drops spatter on my face. It's a little stream so i carefully open my mouth again to receive some of Your piss. I feel emotional as i taste You. As i swallow You. Your salty taste linger against my palate. I was afraid that i had to throw up, but i didn't. I get all warm inside. The little stream stops. I giggle.

'That's a stream of nothing.' i hear You mumble. Your face even more concentrated. I take You in my mouth and taste. Time seems to stand still. In the silence of this cool, white space, where a second seems to be an eternity, i wait patiently while i take in Your face. As i open my mouth again, and my tongue hesitating sticks out, i suddenly see a great relief on Your face that uncovers a big smile. A salty, warm beam touches my face, tongue and heart while i swallow, taste, swallow and notice how Your warm fluid clear a way through my body. Grateful i am that this first time the stream wasn't that plentifull. You put on the warm shower as i hide in Your arms. After which You tenderly wash Your dirty girl. I show You my gratitude by many, many little-girl-kisses.

P_E_A_C_E

Photography: Herr Buchta

Hazy girl, craving slut, dominated slave

My head still full of holded sessions, i walk after work towards the hotel. After textmessaging my Owner, He awaits me in front of the entrance. Suddenly i see his silhouette so i walk faster. We kiss each other and He guides me inside the hotel. In the elevator the kissing is more intense and i feel His hands everywhere.
'i have to recover my breath from work....' i begin the conversation.
'you don't get that chance my girl.'
He looks amused as He interrupt my rising stream of words. In our room He takes of my coat and i have to kneel in front of the bed. He pushes my upper body upon the bed and pulls my tights and knickers down. All kind of nervous thoughts shoot thru my mind. My mind still full of work. Because of the tights i can't spread my legs as wide as i should.
'Remember mo, that we're in a hotel. Those are thin-walled so you can't make much noise.'
I swallow. Then i hear this delicious but at the same time nervous making sound of His belt. His belt that He pulls from His trousers. This instantly effects my craving cunt that contracts. His fingers in me. Soaking wet. I prepare myself to bear the first blow. A little bit scared. 'Cause doesn't Master warms me up? Doesn't He build the blows? I'm so full of the working day. Without building it hurts a lot and i can't make any noises. These thoughts were crossing my mind as i feel the first blow ending up somewhere. Oh terrible bliss! Delicious terror. I suffocate my screams in the blankets. The belt is fierce and ruthless, i remember it again. Blow after blow lands on my bum and i can feel the glowing. My thoughts become somewhat hazy. I cannot make any sounds and this arouses me a lot.
'Do you know why I use the belt mo? Why do I choose the belt?'
My hazy head can't come up with anything so T. helps His slut.
'Because...... slap a belt..... slap doesn't make.... slap slap slap much noise, mo..... slap slap slap That's why.'
T. helps me to stand up because i have to undress myself. Then He ties me up in a tight breastbondage. I used to find this scary, but now it feels great and it gives me a safe feeling. He pulls the ropes very tight.
It's delicious how those tits of mine so beautifully turn darkred slut. Your Owner enjoys this very much.
Contented He examines His work. My breasts are very sensitive and the bondage intensifies this even more. He pushes me on my knees. Me kneeling before Him, longing. He opens His trousers and eagerly i take Him in my mouth. Slowly He fucks His gluttonous slutmouth, but as i become too inspired He pulls back. I have to kneel before the bed again, upper body upon it. Master massages my shoulders and back. The last bits of tension of the day drain away. His warm hands stroking and softly pinching me. His nails scratching my skin. The pinching and scratching become more malicious. The stroking turns into beating. Master spanks my bum and also He takes the belt again. I have to stand up so He also can blow the front of me. Severe blows by hand on my breasts which are more sensitive than ever. I squeak, trying to stand still. My hands in a reflex are foiling, while my desire is asking for more. Please Master, give me more, please!
'Stand still mo. And take your hands away or else I have to bind them.'
A slap in the face. Blows on my breasts. Ouch! Ouch! Again my hands foiling. Master ties them on my back. Then pegs on my nipples. These are giving a sharp pain, but my Owner is unyielding for my shrieks. And i don't feel this pain anymore. The blows on my tits are deducting. Harsh, malicious blows. Making me dancing and lamenting. His eyes on me making me dizzy. His smile and excitement that warms my heart. I adore Him. Hazy girl, craving slut, dominated slave that gives herself away. He, pushing me again on my knees, squeezing my head in the blankets, pulling my hair as He abuses me. Who makes me come again and again. Who isn't only colouring my breasts and bum, but most of all my soul.

Reprise

In the meantime a short report for the impatient readers. ;-) I am aware of the fact that i repeat myself, but i only can say that meeting my Owner was as intense, tempestuous, emotional, hard but caring, eleborate and warm as ever. And ofcourse i wished we had more time. Delicious pained bottom, a breast with lots of colours; red, dark purple, blue, green and yellow. The next day no-one could wipe that huge smile from my face, i was só annoying happy and cheerful. And this girl wasn't floating from bliss, no i was very lively and had tons of energy.
So far for this time because i have a very busy weekend. New blogs about this meeting are coming, but i have to tease your patience for a while.
Every-one; enjoy your weekend!