A cold skin but a glowing heart

This new year excists a week now, but i couldn't find the words to write a new post. But yesterdays experience gave me new inspiration. A chilly post, this first one in 2009.
My Owner determines my orgasms. He tells me if i may come (Orgasm Command) or if i may not (Orgasm Ban). Yesterday morning; my bed was warm and cozy, i was snoozing, my hands were wandering a bit and my favourite dark fantasies swirled thru my thoughts, arousing me. So therefore i sended my Owner a textmessage with a goodmorning kiss and a request to orgasm. Laying comfy under the warm blankets i was waiting for an answer. Meanwhile my hands weren't wandering any longer but finding their intention in a effective way and the fantasies that first swirled softly, ardently heated my thoughts and body. This effectivity of my hands did their job all too well. Only a short time, just a minute, i was aware of the disobedience that's on the way but it was already too late. Lust took over and i came. Not long after that i came again. Deliberate disobedient this time. Contrite i sended T. a textmessage. The answer came very fast. Ah, Master was well aware of my request but was testing the patience and submission of His girl? Even more contrite.
'Horny slut and disobedient slavegirl!!! For punishment I command you to come again. Standing naked in front of the mirror in the cold.'
You must know this is a real punishment although it doesn't look like it at first. The house in which i live is a big house, with high ceilings, marble floors in the corridors and the rooms are heated by gasheaters. The day before i told my Owner about the coolness in my house. I love a fresh bedroom so the gasheater is on the pilot flame. So awakening and getting up is hard now the winter is so cold. In the morning i turn on the heater and go back to my warm bed for five minutes till the room is warm. This morning the gasheater wasn't on yet. I also find it very hard to masturbate in front of the mirror looking at myself. Another message from T.
'Come on slut, into the cold with that warm body of yours and masturbate yourself in front of the mirror. If I were with you I had send you into the snow.'
I jumped out of bed, undressed myself and was standing in front of the mirror. Goosebumps on my skin. Shivering i started to finger myself again. But this was a punishment and it felt like a punishment. I couldn't loose myself into my horniness. Sometimes i looked at myself into the mirror. Although i hate it to look at myself, it also excites me at the same time. I focused on my fingers. Because i came already two times not that long ago, i was lucky that it didn't took too long to come a third time. This time it didn't feel like a blast, the guilt kept gnawing. This disobedience will be punished our next meeting that's for sure, but i wanted to do something right now. To please my Owner. I put on some warm socks, jumper and skirts. Naked legs and cunt. I had a plan. The garden is beautiful in winter. With a beautiful carpet of snow. My Owners last message inspired me. He isn't with me in the flesh, but He sure is with me thru His words. In my heart.

As i raise my skirt a bit and pushing my knees in the snow T. is with me. More than. For a moment i feel nothing, a second. Than the cold is deeply penetrating my naked skin, the cold hurts. A kind of paralysing feeling. The cold draws up against my thighs and strikes my warm cunt. An intense sensation. The cold feels good. I think of my Owner and what He will thinking about this. The cold penetrates my body but my heart is glowing. How does my heart glow that's beating faster for Him.

The fancy table

A new year is coming

And cheers to love and happiness for everyone!

P Winter wonderland P

Wishes and presents

December is the month of presents. The most precious gift this year is ofcourse the beginning D/s relationship with my Owner and the development of this relationship. My Owner allows me to buy some new toys that's on my wishlist, ofcourse after Hís approval. T. also has a wishlist, the items on this list amazes me, is making me swallow my nervousness but most of all gives me lots of butterflies.

Some items on Masters list are:

* a cappucino foamer (i hope this is the right english word); i didn't know about this thing, never saw it befor either. But it seems to deliver a pulse. So it doesn't surprise you i suppose that Master also wants to buy an electric fly swatter for the same intention.

* A hood with a big hole on the place where my mouth is. For several purposes of course. Can you imagine which ones? For some reason i always found hoods scary, but knowing now that i had to buy a hood for my Owners pleasure, the idea begins to enlight me in a delicious brrrrr way.

* An inflatable buttplug and more anal toys.

Happy holidays!

One dazzling year

Not much time to write these dark days before Christmas. I suppose everybody is busy those last days of the year. This slavegirl is still continuous a happy slavegirl. Some three weeks ago i met my Owner again. The last meeting this year. We didn't have much time, but it was enough to feel His dominance and pain. Too bad my body didn't co-operate, i couldn't bear much pain this time. Therefore i was mainly His servient slut. Disappointed that i couldn't be His painslut as well, but i had to promise T. that i don't allow myself this feeling of failure. Because i didn't, T. imprinted.

Meanwhile i received some wonderful, heartwarming mails from my Owner. Some kind of evaluation on our D/s relationship. We know each other for almost a year now. A dazzling year in which we explored each other and recognize, we dare to love one another, and we develop our interaction as Master and submissive. A development in which T. becomes more cruel, more sadistic. To my great fear, but such a delicious, divine fear.

Master gives me permission to purchase some toys (after He approves my choices ofcourse) for my special toys attaché case. :-D And as i saw my Owners Wishlist the butterflies started fluttering along my spine. Ooooops, i swallowed, so scary but yummie scary. So if time become more quiet again i have a lot to write about. I suppose 2009 becomes even more intense. I wish all of you readers some warm, delightful holidays!

x°x°x

Candle

Left photo by J.P Fishbein, right photo by Stranahan.

Yes Sir, all is spick-and-span

On my dutch blog i sometimes post a picture labeled under 'Pulp'. Because i love this kind of pictures a lot. So here is the first one overhere. Enjoy!

Nasty red

When T. gave me the instruction to let grow my left little fingernail, i thought 'nice instruction.' At that time i didn't realize that this instruction turned out to be a subtle way to deepen my submissiveness. My little fingernails are growing the quickest, so it didn't take too long before i had a nice, moderate long nail on both my little fingers. I thought this was the beginning of eventually let grow all my fingernails 'cause i'm a nailbiter. I didn't see through that my Owner was especially interested in the left nail. So the nails of my little fingers are growing, i fulfill a given instruction that wasn't that hard, mission completed. I was satisfied with my progression and hoped that my Owner was as satisfied as i am. I didn't inform T. yet about my progression. And the satisfaction about myself wasn't appropriate. But this i only realize just now. But i'm way ahead of the facts.

During a thrilling soccergame of my youngest son, i was biting my nails. I am never aware of biting my nails, but suddenly i stopped and realized i bit off my left, or in fact my Owners left little fingernail. This sucked a lot and then the deeper meaning of T.'s instruction came thru. Suddenly i am more than aware of this (then bitten) nail. I still hadn't inform T. about my progress and didn't inform Him about this failure. But since that moment of perception i didn't bite my left little fingernail again.
As i meet my Owner again He wants to see my His nail. The nail has grown just a little bit, isn't worthwile enough. I tell T. about my failure. Despite of Your calm statement that the nail isn't good enough (yet) i notice Your hidden disappointment. This deepens even more my awareness about the nail and the desire not to disappoint You again.

Then the nail has an appealing length. At least long enough to paint it. I take care of the nail, i had bought some stuff like nailhardener and topcoat etc. I paint the nail in a dark purple. While i do this i feel dancing butterflies upon my spine. I am more than aware of T.'s Dominance over me. Taking care of and painting the nail, making me feel intensely the slave i am. I am doing this for Him, my Master who ownes me, because He wants me to do this. And i can assure you dear reader, for a nailbiter like me, not biting nails is hard. So sometimes i still bite except the little fingernails. I send T. some pictures of His nail. He tells me about colors and that He also likes a nasty red. He didn't order anything but i understand what i have to do. At the pharmacist in my neighborhood i buy me the nastiest red they have. I remove the dark purple and in upper concentration i paint His nail nasty red. These acts feel like a ritual. T. feels very close at that moment. The nail isn't mine anymore, the nail is His. Property. Pleasant impulses tickle everywhere. It isn't so much the act or the instruction that arouses me, but the feeling of my humility to His wish. He prescribes and i follow. I admire His outstanding flaming red nail. He's so obvious, but at the same time so subtle present as a sign of me being owned. Taking care of the nail, painting it, like a ritual; it feels like a collar. This beautiful red nail is His. The psychological effect of His dominance over me feels so good and exciting and deeply, deeply submissive. That something 'simple' like this can have such an huge impact. It amazes me and makes me feel grateful, humble ánd aroused as well. The nail is still growing to a elegant length and i am looking for an even more nasty red.

Heavenly surrender

Photograph by Stuart

i'll make you a prayer,
a heavenly surrender.
To the one somewhere out there.
The one who can mend her.
i pray for the one,
Who can open my door.
Let me go through,
oh yes, give me more.

i pray for the lover,
the willing intender.
To break down the door
of heavenly surrender.

i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.
i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.

i crave your violent,
Acted upon me.
Set me free by your
weighted autonomy.
i am so human,
so small, so debased.
Jealousy and darkness roll over this place.

i pray for the lover,
a willing intender.
To break down the girl,
a heavenly surrender.

i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.
i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.

i'm a lover of freedom,
But i cling to the dusk.
i'm blown by the wind,
i'm a slave;
i am lust.
Roll my face in
the shit that i sleep in.
Tie me and bind me
up for your keeping.

i'll make you a prayer,
a heavenly surrender.
To the one somewhere out there.
The one who can mend her.

i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.
i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.
i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.
i only f**k God.
i only f**k...

Lyrics by Queen Adreena