Range of colouring

So beautiful what trust can bring. During the last meeting with my Owner i haven't felt fear for one second. Not even while He was fisting me. Because of this i could take more, also on my (very sensitive) breasts. Although i didn't dare to look at the very tight breastbondage. How they change color from red to a bluish dark purple. First i may carefully touch them and then ofcourse T. let me look at them anyhow. I used to find it scary but i loved it, not scary at all. A great unforseen circumstance of the tight bondage is that the breasts very quickly mark. Beautiful screaming red and blue spots. My left tit wasn't as tight tied on as the right one and showed less marks from my Owner. I am so proud of these marks of love. My right tit still has marks colouring from dark purple to blue to green and yellow. Hmmm strange creatures we submissive girls are. I can imagine this sounds weird if you don't have a thing with SM. But i am standing in front of the mirror again and again to admire my coloured bum and bruised breasts.

Not even a week ago i met my Owner but i miss Him already very much. Probably because my shiny little cloud slowly disolves. And reality hits me in the face once again. T. sends me a textmessage that He also wants his girl with him, craving to torture her. This comforts me a bit. In between our meetings the connection consists exclusively of mail and textmessages. Mostly very intensive i must say. But after a meeting i have this strong urge to talk on. Our form of contact is hard work, because sometimes i miss the leash and become disorganized. I've read some old posts again and not following my Owners Instructions or in fact pushing them forward is a returning issue. Nonetheless this shouldn't happen because i feel T.'s slavegirl in every bodyfibre. And this feeling is getting stronger after each meeting. So i don't understand how this works for me. I'm not only his slave when i'm with Him. This feeling is always there, inside my heart and being. Hm, this girl is going to work very hard at obeying my Owners Instructions and perhaps be more in focus. For now i strongely feel that my disorder is the reason why i doesn't feel the leash as strong as i want it to feel. Grrrrrr sometimes i don't understand myself. Oh well the consequence of my carelessness are those beautiful blue spots, although....... I even get those if i'm sweet and obedient. Just thinking.

i may enclose Him

Kneeling on the hard floor i await my Owner with a butterfly heart full of expectations. As He stands before me, He opens his pants and i inhale with passion his scent. His scent that stuns me and summons dark desires. He puts his hands on my head and pushes his Cock in my eagerly mouth. I taste him and preferably i wanna suck him in deep, but He warns his slut to slow down. To suck him isn't allowed, i have to feel and explore. With my tongue i explore his already trusted masculinity, the swelling, the beginning of his head, i circle around the top, feeling the little hole, also feeling how He grows in my warm mouth. For a moment my mouth and tongue are at rest. Silently i'm sitting at his feet, enjoying this intimacy. This calmness is special; where i otherwise hungrily suck and lick, this silence is making me more than aware of his Cock, the one i crave so often. Then i take his balls in my mouth, feeling titilating little hairs, softly i suck in his balls. His hands on my head is giving me security. Again i take his Cock in my mouth, and it's very hard not to suck and giving pleasure. T. pulls back, walking away to fetch the cane. Desirous i lick my lips, i wanna taste and drink him so badly. My desire is granted 'cause T. is pushing his Cock in my mouth again. Deep. Meanwhile He's beating my bum with the cane, while his other hand is grabbing my hair firmly. His hand grabbing my hair is giving desires. Making me to suck like a fanatic, hungry, it's stronger than me. How harder the blows, how deeper i suck my Owner in, meanwhile taking care of that i don't accidently use my teeth because of the pain.

"Feel me deliberately mo, what's the difference as i beat you?"

His Cock in my mouth is a consolation as He's beating me this hard, a support, a lifebuoy. This pleases him and that makes me happy. He pushes his fingers inside of me to notice that i'm very excited. Humiliating words towards me, making me even more excited. I suck him in deeper, measuring his reactions. Searching for his most sensitive spots and i'm delighted as i notice his reactions. Doing my most utterly best, T. is pushing hard and deep, He's fucking my mouth till the shank. Sometimes i heave, which i try to suppress. But this arouses my Owner, so i receive him as deep as possible. Then He pulls back, which disappoint me 'cause i wanna please him, giving him what He deserves. That time will come but for now my Owner doesn't wanna cum yet. He's pushing me firmly against his belly, a heartfelt embrace. I feel his warm and soft belly, i smell his delicious scent. His scent, tickeling my nostrils, making me wanna kneel for Him, enclosing Him with my warm mouth so that He can form me to that what's giving Him the most pleasure. His!

i am nothing and because of that everything

Photograph by Stranahan ° I know i scored something too

Does it excist; beyond ardent intensity? Even more intense and ardent as it was ever before? Yesterday i've experienced this is possible. I've had a lot of pain and mental humiliation, love and admission, beatings and firm hugs. Piss-slut as it wasn't meant to be, cock-worship in a new dimension, heavily tied up breasts while torturing them, anal defloration and it didn't hurt to my surprise. Why did i (once) had to say that i can take a lot on my cunt and so i could get it and felt it. Oh yeah, i felt it. Today delicious pained tits and bum. But most of all a satisfying mental happiness. For not a moment i felt fear, not even as T. had his hand deep inside of me. Everytime knowing each other better, so therefore more trust, more possibillities, more daring. Full of trust i was and totally focused on my Owner. At some point i wasn't there any longer, wheter i was T. Kneeling on the floor after severe beating i deeply felt my submission. At a level i've never felt before. Feeling oh so happy and gratitude overwhelmed me. I tried to describe what i felt, but i couldn't find the words. Lying on the floor, at His feet, i was complete His. I would do everything for Him, He could do whatever He wants to do with me. Searching for the right words to show Him my gratitude and feelings i came up with this: i am nothing and because of that everything. Does this make sense to you, do you know dear reader what i mean? Oh well, there will be another report about this meeting. As soon as i can find the words to describe how it is; T. and i, Master and slave, Tormentor and His .
For now i am glowing on my little cloud.

The essence

It has already been awhile back that T. in a subtle way leads me to a new path. He implants that little seed in my mind, waiting to sprout. Once in a while T. is giving the seed some food and the first buds are already visible. (Dry earth....blog)
T. had send me the url from the blog of sub lyn in which she describes how she becomes her Masters piss-slut.

'Little slut of me, give me your thoughts, your feelings, your fantasies and emotions while reading this post.'

Reading the post of sub lyn gave me mixed feelings. I understand her feelings and why she became a piss-slut, but for me? Sometimes i had this fantasy that T. is pissing upon my clit. A warm splash at that place seems yummie and exciting to me. But the prospective vision my Owner describes; drinking His piss and my own is making me shiver. The fear and shivering twinkles over my spine aren't unpleasant though. So i was curious where this idea from my Ower comes from. Is it because of the humiliation? Does it make Him horny? Or maybe both. Has this to do with power and my devotion to it?

As you know mo, in the life of a child peeing is óne of the issues in which guilt, atonement, humiliation and rewards are very important. On that moment in this young life you're rewarded as you hold your pee and as you empty your bladder in the right way; on your potty. And there is some rejection as you pee in your pants or on your bed. Rewardings and rejection are indissoluble connected with this 'holding-your-pee-phenomenon'. While later on in your life peeing has this private 'forbidden for others'character.

In our connection mo, this holding-up phenomenon and the accompanying rewardings and punishments will be turned around. If you are my piss-slut you'll be rewarded if you on unwanted places or in my command pee as I have instruct you. If you pee the 'normal' way you'll be punished for being obedient to this what is worn for years. This inversion of perspective mo, is worth it to examine together.

From this point of view slut of me, is let go of your pee at moments I desire and in the way I want you to do it, a condition of humiliation, degradation connected with shame and capitulation. Also is commanding that you MUST pee (equal to my commands that you múst cum) a delicious practise of power from your Owner over my possession who's obliged to humiliate and lower herself. Can you feel it on your spine subbie of me?

I know that if I wish you to be my piss-slut, you will be mo. These thoughts are making you horny slut and you already allow to rise some images in your imagination. To piss, little slut of me, has also to do with pure, hot Power and exciting Domination.

This explanation of T. makes me melt and touches deeply my submissiveness. Ofcourse i become T.'s piss-slut if He wants me to. Even though it will not be easy. Reading the experiences of sub lyn and of toy describing also her physical reactions of aversion while drinking her Owners piss, have not taken away my shivers and fear. But the essence of this all; the humiliation leading to feeling small and humble, His power over me, His girl doing all her best to please Him and the ultimate submission that's required for this are making the seed to root. Are making me wanna be His piss-slut. The essence is His ultimate Dominance over me and my devoted submission that's making me complete. And this essence also arouses me very, very much.

Art by Odd Nerdrum ° Twilight

Dark desires

Photograph by HOTgraFX

Only one night sleep and i'm seeing my Owner again. Nah, i'm not bouncing and craving. Do you believe that?

Lusty letters

Dry earth needs water

Art by Odd Nerdrum ° Pissing woman

Yes, the girl is back. I had a wonderful vacation, nice weather, lots of sun and the sea. And dry earth. The orgasm-ban was discarded, but there was one instruction from T. i had to accomplish:

this command means that you at some time seclude yourself to connect with me. This moment is chosen with care and commitment and during that moment you surrender yourself, like a devoted submissive. My posession surrenders herself to her rooted masochism and her deeply felt humility to her Master.

The place slutgirl of me can be the woods, into the mud, near a lake, in a river, lying in the sun, the museum etc..... On this specific place and at that chosen time you accomplish with all your energy and intentions a ritual of which you know that your Owner will appreciate it. A sacred act of which you know and feel that you fully become soaked of the knowing that you are Mine. My slut surrenders herself totally to her Owner, visible and complete. A moment on which you feel I'm with you. Knowing that I'm looking at you, that moment as I curl my lips out of horny pleasure. You are allowed to use everything; your body, your fluids, your own piss, your slutcunt, but most of all your own and unique fantasy and imagination.

During this act I oblige you to cum mo!


T. was travelling with me in my heart anyhow. Sometimes in the background and sometimes more clear present. The moment i drove upon the area of the little farm-campground in the middle of the Ardèche, France, i knew it. Here i will accomplish my command. A quiet campground, not so much guests. With a swimmingpool, which later on seems to be a private swimmingpool because it wasn't used often by the other guests.


A hot, sweltering day. Lazy i lie upon a blanket in the dry grass. My beloved hubbie decides to go shopping with the kids in the little town nearby. Because i'm daydreaming so lovely in the sun i don't go with them. For sure my men are away for an hour or more, so this is a perfect moment for the instruction T. gave me.

It seems like i'm the only one at the campground, such a quietness. If there's another person around, then i'm not aware of his or her presence. Lovely tranquility sometimes disturbed by a car on the road further on, and the sound withers in the distance. Soft chattering from the chickens, a buzzing insect or a lost bleating from a goat are making me peaceful and relaxed. I'm on my back looking at the blue sky. I shove the blanket upwards so that the dry grass sting my bum. I'm not naked, wearing my bathingsuit because the campgrounds owner is at home, at his farm a little bit further on. And perhaps there's a campgroundguest who is going for a walk. I focus my thoughts on T., my Possesor. The moongirl and her Sun. Sunbeams touching my body. The Sun doesn't warm me but sets me on fire. Unyielding Sun that makes me sweat. I spread my legs wide open and place my folded hands above my head. A posture that summons memories, making me crave for my Owner. I surrender myself to the Sun, the ruthless heat and my craving thoughts and fantasies. As soon as i spread my legs the desire is blazing and scorch my soul. Aroused girl. The sun is burning on my crotch making my thoughts hotter. Turning into a longing slut. I fantasize

that i'm naked. My hands and legs are affixed. My Owner in front of me on an easy chair. He has a delicious view on my wideopen cunt. The sun i called ruthless betrays my excitement. The fluid running slowely from my longing cunt is clearly, glistening visible. T. transformed my breasts into sunflowers. Colourless wooden pegs all round my tits and on my nipples the special darkbrown painted ones. Sunflowers are so apposite for southern France. Aches travelling thru my body to substantial tickeling my cunt, making it even more glistening. T. is holding a whip in his hand, sometimes beating the pegs with it in a teasing way.

"The dry earth here needs water girlie, and you take care of that."

Indeed, i become more and more liquid. After each malicious blow and the pain coming with it i feel sweat pearling on my skin. This sweat on my skin is transposed in my cunt. Thick drops of horniness.

"Disgraceful mo, how impudent you lay down here. So open wide and so obvious aroused."

So therefore i deserve hard blows on my cunt that makes me shrivel from pain. So far it's possible for a girl that's affixed on the ground. But my Tormentor knows no mercy and colours my disgraceful cunt deep red. Glowing, burning screaming red. His unapproachable glance upon me. I search his eyes but He doesn't look at me. His glance scorching every inch of my body. And i know, the sun doesn't know mercy, every flaw will be visible. I become very, very small. Suddenly He pierces his eyes into mine. For a moment i'm scared.

"And now you're going to pee mo, the earth needs much more water. You are going to pee while I watch you. Every minute passing by brings in a hard blow on your cunt. So, go ahead slut."

Oh my, i become nervous. I'm not sure if i can manage it. I don't know if i can pee on command and if someone is watching me. A hard blow on my cunt provoking a scream of pain makes clear that one minute has passed by. I recover myself and try to focus on the peeing. I can feel the urge, but somehow i hold it, i can't let it go. The second even harder blow provokes another scream and tears in my eyes.

"Tears are good mo. Valuable liquid for the dry earth."

So another hard blow swishes on my already glowing cunt. That wasn't the one minute yet. This blow was for the tears so it seems. Soon after that another blow. Wow, minutes pass by too fast. Now the tears are rolling over my cheeks. I'm aware that the blows will come disorderly and become harder each time. This consciousness is breathtaking, the pain strikes into awe. So much awe that suddenly i feel my pee running. This brings in a nice, glowing pain that makes me cum. The warm glance of my Owner makes me feel proud. The sound of the zipper of His pants and i am startled. Anxious i wait for what comes next. I knew one day this would become reality. Then T.'s piss splashes on my tormented cunt, setting it on fire even more. Again i cum. I've never experienced this before, but this feels good. Oh so humiliating but also very, very intimate. Warm and intense and i surprise myself as i naturally open my mouth to drink my Owners exquisite fluid. It's making me dizzy........

While i fantasize all this, far away in sunny France, i can feel T. very close to me. It moves me. My Owner implants this little seed; making me also his piss-slut (more about that later) and this little seed already starts sprouting in my fantasies. Drinking T.'s piss wíll become reality some day. That scares me but intrigues me at the same time. Meanwhile i was very excited, but didn't dare to masturbate at that spot. Perhaps there's someone in the neighbourhood, taking a walk. And i have the order to cum. During my fantasies i did tighten and relaxing the muscles of my cunt. Et voilá. As my fantasy did intensify on the peeing i overcame myself, and did a step across a border. I always thought i have nothing with peeing, being a piss-slut and all of that. But my excitement, the longing and craving for T., feeling Him so close to me, my stimulating thoughts and fantasies were making me pee at that moment for real. Because of that i felt intensely that i am the slavegirl of T. His Possesion, wanna make Him happy and pleased. I am His, even if He's not around me. That made me cum deeply. After my special ritual for my Owner i walked with my head in the clouds towards the swimmingpool. Fortunately there was nobody there 'cause i suppose that i looked silly with that biiiiiiiiiig smile on my face. First a shower before i slipped into the swimmingpool to cool off.

See you later!

This girl hits the road towards the sun and the sea. I wish you a nice breathtaking summer. See you later! Summerkisses for all of you.....

Dark sex by R. C. Hörsch

I’M GOING SHE SAID,
I SAID GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, GET OUT, GET. AND HE THREW HIS TONGUE, HALFWAY DOWN MY BELLY-ROLL
THAT MOUTH, MOUTH, MAN 'O WAR MOUTH.
DEEPER AND DEEPER AND DEEPER, I DON’T CHOKE NO MATTER WHAT THE COUGH
HE SCRATCHED UP MY LEGS AND PULLED DOWN ALL I HAD ON
AND SCRATCHING AND DIG, DIG, DIG, AND HONEY SWELLS IT UP AND OUT AND LAPS IT UP
AND ALL OVER HIS FINGERS, MY LIPS AND TONGUE AND SHIT
I CAN’T GET, I CAN’T GET, I CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF HOW HE GIVES IT.

HE SLAPS ME ON THE TABLE AND STICKS IT ALL FAT AND SOFT BETWEEN MY THOUGHTS AND HIS
IT GETS HARD, HARD, HARD, HARD AND ALL IN THE WRONG PLACE
SO I SAY REPLACE IT, HE POUTS AND HE PUMPS IT, I SAY DON’T, DON’T, DON’T DO THAT
C’MON, DON’T,. DON’T,
HE POUTS AND HE PUMPS IT HOME
AND THREE MINUTES LATER HE HITS IT TO HEAVEN, THEN OUT
I SAY THAT’S NOT HOW IT’S DONE, C’MON, THAT’S NOT HOW IT GOES
SO I SEW UP THE TEARS AND THE DUNGEON IT HEARTHROBS AND I WAS SCALING WALLS AND SEETHING,
JUST BREATHING, BREATHING IN YOUR STEAMING

AND I GOT GUNHOLDS AND HEAVEN IT’S SCREAMING, AND HEAVEN IT’S SCREAMING,
AND HEAVEN IT’S SCREAMING BENEATH US.

Words: Lydia Lunch

ADAGIO

T., my Sir is the Owner and Player of my body and mind and sees to that his willing instrument mo makes the most strange and beautiful music.

This i wrote down after He placed clamps on my nipples and labia and ordered me to crawl into the cage. Oh, how terrible i find it to crawl when He's looking at me. He closes the door behind me and i have to sit down on hands and knees and feel. To feel how the pain of the clamps slowly travels thru my body. Before me a white paper and a red marker. I sit faced to the wall hearing T. who puts ready some stuff. I cannot see him. I have to describe in one phrase how i see us in our relationship. Who are we together? I can't write it down too fast, first i have to feel it very carefully. I hear him walking around while my thoughts call up some allegories. I want to please my Owner and astonish him. But because of this urge to do things well i become this little girl that can't think clearly, talks nonsense and sometimes is very clumsy. Beautiful words go trhu my mind, but in fact are these words too beautiful, not touching the essence of my deepest feelings. Finally i come up with the phrase mentioned above.
Is that one phrase? my Owner asks as He quickly glances over the paper. Read it aloud to me mo.

Uncertain i read aloud the words i've written down. He doesn't like it, too many words, perhaps too overdone, too beautiful? With bent head i wait for his reaction as He picks up the paper. He reads aloud the phrase again. Then silence.
Yes, i like it mo, you're allowed to crawl out of the cage.

ANDANTE

T. directs me to this chair that spreads your legs. (What's the word for it? Thank you....) As He attaches my arms to it, He shows me that the rope isn't that tight. So if i panic i'm loose in one second. Again i'm surprised and grateful for the understanding and empathy of my Tormentor. Sometimes i panic as i'm attached completely. Well, my legs are attached very firm. Then T. blindfolds me and puts on the collar. I am His.
Naked i sit on this chair, legs astraddled. T. makes up something nice. For him that is, for me it's something awkward. He connects the clamps with the heavy chains which are hanging from the ceiling to the ground. Then He attaches the clamps on my labia and because of the gravity of the chains the clamps are pulled of with one pull ór tormenting slowly depending on the bite of the clamps.
I don't need to do anything, just watching and enjoying. The chains are doing all the work for me.
Meanwhile T. sometimes pushes his fingers in me to check out or attaches the clamps again.

CRESCENDO

As my labia are tormented enough, T. thinks it's time to let them glow more intense. Through the cane, some whips and the paddle. He raises the rhytm and sometimes i cannot sit quietly because of the pain. The big dildo is pushed inside to ascertain that the stretching turns out to be efficient. This interchanges for a while. Constantly i'm close to an orgasm but it doesn't hold on. T. is whipping me up with severe beating and humiliating words. Then unexpectedly He pushes his fingers in me, squeezing. I feel very ashamed as i feel lots of juice dripping over my legs and His hands.
Is that pee? That isn't pee is it? i ask confused and embarrassed.
It didn't feel like peeing, it doesn't smell like it. Apparrently i came gushing. T. saw me gushing with great force.

I'm on my knees, sitting before a box. I can drape myself over it and have some support. Fifty blows with the cane is what i deserve and i have to count. It isn't the smallest cane. A little bit bigger which gives a more dusted pain. I still can feel this pain deeply four days later. I love this feeling very much. But during the beating i damn this cane because of the intense pain. The cane i curse, the cane i love and crave. T. gives me 10 blows each time. After which i can catch my breath and He using some whips and the paddle on me. These blows i don't have to count. For a present i bought my Owner a paddle and when this paddle arrived at home i had to swallow my fear. Because this paddle was much larger than i thought it was haha. For now i can feel how this paddle gives my bottom a nice glow. Ouch! Another kind of pain. The blows T. gives me by hand are a relieve after the blows from the cane and the crop. All these different kind of pain and blows are leading me to floating away. Far away. But every time my Owner calls me back as i have to count the blows from the cane. Then finally i let myself flow on the pain and the pain becomes a pleasure. (On the photograph you can see the remaining marks of my Owner after 4 days. I wear them with pride.)

FORTE

Do you know mo how deep i'm inside of you?

I know Sir, but i don't wanna hear it, please don't tell me.

But i can feel it and how. It hurts a lot! As if i'll be broken in two. At the same time it arouses me a lot. With restrained breath i can feel how my Tormentor moves His hand in and out. His hand is totally inside me. I have it very warm. The heat blazes up from my tormented cunt to my head. I sniffle ánd i laugh. I feel intense pain and intense lust. I am nothing, i am my Owners thing. His horny fuck-thing. His hand inside me, that tortures me and beats me. At the end T. penetrates me deep and starts fucking me. The scalding heat in my head still burns. I am begging T.

Hit me, please hurt me Sir!

And i get much more then what i asked for. My Owner fucks me deep and hits me everywhere. On my breasts and most of all in my face. Several hard blows. Making me dizzy, taking my breath away. That makes me subside in bliss. His fuck-thing, that's what i am. Again i cum gushing. This time i'm not embarrassed.

On top of me, He is, my Owner. He fucks my mouth. Deep. Sometimes i can't breathe, sometimes He's poking that deep that makes me heave. Then He spurts over my face and sinks again over me. I look in his eyes, see the fire burning. He kisses me and i caress his back and bum.

CODA

This post doesn't suffice our meeting. There was happening so much more that i can't seize in words. Together we have walked much furthermore, but these are just words. The emotions i feel, so completely being His. My deep glowing submissiveness, His fiery Dominance and Sadism are engraved in my memory. There are no words for this, it's music that sings inside me. It sings inside my being. And i hope inside the being of my Owner.