Moonlighted garden

I sowed myself a garden. You're invited to take a walk......
or dream about fairytales.

Impact; letter to my Owner

Being Your piss-slut has far more impact than i ever thought it would be. As i received your textmessage in which you gave me the command to be ready for Your phonecall at half past eleven it started to tickle. Everywhere. Nervous but excited. Because Your instructions made very clear what Your intentions are.
The photographs i sended You; on which i pee and even put my fingers in my mouth, did charm You. The embarrassement got a grip on me in full fierceness as You told me that i was a dirty girl. You spoke about the pictures; Such a dirty slut you are, doing all this kinda stuff.

I love it as you speak to me in that way. Suddenly i felt very small. As You put it this way, pointing it out, it feels humiliating. The slut wasn't a braggart any longer but transformed into this little girl. Shame about my behaviour. But such a delicious shame. Meanwhile no sane words came out of my mouth any longer.

What are you mo? Tell me.

A dirty girl Master.

What do you say? Say it again, but now more clear. What are you mo?

A dirty girl T.

Yes mo, you áre a dirty slut. Now i wanna hear it loud and clear. What are you mo?

A dirty slut T.

And who's dirty slut are you?

i am Yóur dirty slut Master.

Finally i could pronounce these words loud and clear without nervous giggling. That made me Yours very deep and intense. Especially the little girl stayed on the foreground this time. I don't act as a little girl, i ám. That's how i feel at that very moment. It surprised me as i heard myself so evident and therefore saw myself.

You ordered me to drink lots of water until You call. I did this properly. I didn't wear underwear but thights and high heels. Also Your command. As You called me i had this very strong urge to pee, i even was worried if i could hold it. But there you have it; sometimes i can't hold my pee, but at the moment You command me: Piss slut! i can't. Little bits of pee and then nothing..... I concentrate myself on peeing while i hear Your voice in my ear, i squeeze and yes a little bit more. Little bit. Not the flood you wished to hear and i willingly wanted to give You. When we finished our phone call You instructed me to piss once more in my pantyhose. In the bathroom, alone, it did came. I felt my warm moistness and as i fingered myself in Your command i smelled myself. My warm, heated piss. The smell confused me. It wasn't really dirty, but extremely penetrating. Ofcourse i have smelled piss more often, but then it didn't reach me, i think i could preclude the smell of it. But now the scent got through deeply and touched me. Also as You on the phone command me to lick my wet fingers this intense, confusing smell. A metallic, heavy scent. A slightly bitter, salty taste. It made me a bit faint. The smell lingered for a long time. Even as i participate again my daily activities, go shopping etc. A faint feeling in my stomach. Nervousness. I was surprised by this nervous feeling and i examined where this feeling come from. I didn't find the answer, but some indications. The smelling and most of all the tasting made clear this isn't my 'thing'. The excitement i experience has to do with my dedication. I am doing this because You, my Owner demands me. That's why i like this. But therefore also this tension i think. This is about total surrender, this makes me more than ever Your slave. Your property. Grrrrr i can't find the right words. Submissiveness and devotion. To be, just to be. Yours. Slave.

As i smelled myself this strong, so thís is how slavegirl smells, i had to cry. This all has great impact on me dear T., my beloved Owner. Astonishing, intense, confusing, enchanting.

A heartfelt kiss from Your slave, Your mo.

More pictures.

I will be silent for a (little) while because my illness (a muscle disease) hinders my writings at the moment.

That needs punishment

Geez, i was a bad slave unintentional. During the good-bye at our last meeting, my Owner still had an instruction for me. I bite my nails, so T. wants me to let grow the nail of my left little finger. Building it up quietly, so that's very sweet of him. This shouldn't be too hard 'cause there are nine nails left to nibble on. Right? But i must point out that i bite my nails unthinkingly. I'm not aware that i'm doing it. Until last wednesday. I was biting my nails, also the left ones and suddenly i was aware of it very much. Too late. Ofcourse i stopped immediately, but nevertheless i was a bad, bad girl. I love long fingernails, so i hope i can manage. (Ofcourse i can manage, i wanna please T., making him happy)

Furthermore i'm a bit confused about my rebellious behaviour. As i already defined in an older post, there are quiet some instructions i received from my Owner but didn't do. Not because of nastiness but (even worse in fact) because of indolence. Also; i don't obey my Owners rules. I'm on an orgasm-ban again. Thursday evening i was lying on my bed, reading a bit and my mind wandered of to my Owner. As always; thinking of my Owner arouses me. Very much. So i sended him a text message asking him to allow me to cum. There was no answer. Because i was very tired i fell asleep as a good girl. The next morning i didn't have to get up early and yes.... i was weak and rebellious. Against the rules of my Owner i fingered myself to a climax. After it, i felt guilty and confessed this misbehavior to T.
Orgasm without permission of your Owner?! Tonight penance: four pegs thirty minutes on your slutcunt. Is that clear? was the short textmessage i received from T. while i was at work. Immidiately followed by; Extra punishment: fifteen minutes two pegs on your nipples. I only could answer with a timid yes Master. Feeling very small and guilty.

In the evening, after work i immidiately accomplished my Owners command. I placed four pegs on my labia and after fifteen minutes two on my nipples. Two pegs on my labia and the two on my nipples hurt a lot. My sensitive nipples on which i can stand little. Sometimes as i have a command like this i replace the pegs as they hurt too much ( i know; not a good girl at all) but this time i didn't. This is punishment so i was strict, in fact my Owner was strict through me. So i didn't replace the painful pegs. At first this was difficult, but i endured. I was focused on my Owner and the punishment. The pain is the punishment and i did deserve this pain. So i accepted it and persisted. Slowly the pain drained away and became bearable. It shrined and hurted. Yeah i know, sometimes i am a dolt. Because i did this for my Owner, hís command, it felt good and comforting my heart.
After thirty minutes i removed the pegs. Ouch, thát hurts. A textmessage to T. making clear that i completed the punishment and ofcourse i thanked him. In spite of (or must i say because of) the pain i was very wet. I didn't feel any mental excitement at that point, more meekness and gratitude. But as i thanked T. for the punishment also the mental excitement stroke. Feeling that small, humble and submissive arouses me very much. An incorrigible slut i am afraid. The next morning i was teasing my Owner by sending him naughty textmessages. My heart missed a beat as my cellphone jingled. The voice of my Owner, in which i could hear amusement and
severity as well, immidiately transformed this rebellious, provoking slut into a giggling, shy girl. Suddenly i didn't braggart any longer. T. adjusted an orgasm-command while He was listening to me. And i didn't have that much time 'cause He was busy. Giggling girl was a good girl and didn't disappoint her Owner at that moment.

Range of colouring

So beautiful what trust can bring. During the last meeting with my Owner i haven't felt fear for one second. Not even while He was fisting me. Because of this i could take more, also on my (very sensitive) breasts. Although i didn't dare to look at the very tight breastbondage. How they change color from red to a bluish dark purple. First i may carefully touch them and then ofcourse T. let me look at them anyhow. I used to find it scary but i loved it, not scary at all. A great unforseen circumstance of the tight bondage is that the breasts very quickly mark. Beautiful screaming red and blue spots. My left tit wasn't as tight tied on as the right one and showed less marks from my Owner. I am so proud of these marks of love. My right tit still has marks colouring from dark purple to blue to green and yellow. Hmmm strange creatures we submissive girls are. I can imagine this sounds weird if you don't have a thing with SM. But i am standing in front of the mirror again and again to admire my coloured bum and bruised breasts.

Not even a week ago i met my Owner but i miss Him already very much. Probably because my shiny little cloud slowly disolves. And reality hits me in the face once again. T. sends me a textmessage that He also wants his girl with him, craving to torture her. This comforts me a bit. In between our meetings the connection consists exclusively of mail and textmessages. Mostly very intensive i must say. But after a meeting i have this strong urge to talk on. Our form of contact is hard work, because sometimes i miss the leash and become disorganized. I've read some old posts again and not following my Owners Instructions or in fact pushing them forward is a returning issue. Nonetheless this shouldn't happen because i feel T.'s slavegirl in every bodyfibre. And this feeling is getting stronger after each meeting. So i don't understand how this works for me. I'm not only his slave when i'm with Him. This feeling is always there, inside my heart and being. Hm, this girl is going to work very hard at obeying my Owners Instructions and perhaps be more in focus. For now i strongely feel that my disorder is the reason why i doesn't feel the leash as strong as i want it to feel. Grrrrrr sometimes i don't understand myself. Oh well the consequence of my carelessness are those beautiful blue spots, although....... I even get those if i'm sweet and obedient. Just thinking.

i may enclose Him

Kneeling on the hard floor i await my Owner with a butterfly heart full of expectations. As He stands before me, He opens his pants and i inhale with passion his scent. His scent that stuns me and summons dark desires. He puts his hands on my head and pushes his Cock in my eagerly mouth. I taste him and preferably i wanna suck him in deep, but He warns his slut to slow down. To suck him isn't allowed, i have to feel and explore. With my tongue i explore his already trusted masculinity, the swelling, the beginning of his head, i circle around the top, feeling the little hole, also feeling how He grows in my warm mouth. For a moment my mouth and tongue are at rest. Silently i'm sitting at his feet, enjoying this intimacy. This calmness is special; where i otherwise hungrily suck and lick, this silence is making me more than aware of his Cock, the one i crave so often. Then i take his balls in my mouth, feeling titilating little hairs, softly i suck in his balls. His hands on my head is giving me security. Again i take his Cock in my mouth, and it's very hard not to suck and giving pleasure. T. pulls back, walking away to fetch the cane. Desirous i lick my lips, i wanna taste and drink him so badly. My desire is granted 'cause T. is pushing his Cock in my mouth again. Deep. Meanwhile He's beating my bum with the cane, while his other hand is grabbing my hair firmly. His hand grabbing my hair is giving desires. Making me to suck like a fanatic, hungry, it's stronger than me. How harder the blows, how deeper i suck my Owner in, meanwhile taking care of that i don't accidently use my teeth because of the pain.

"Feel me deliberately mo, what's the difference as i beat you?"

His Cock in my mouth is a consolation as He's beating me this hard, a support, a lifebuoy. This pleases him and that makes me happy. He pushes his fingers inside of me to notice that i'm very excited. Humiliating words towards me, making me even more excited. I suck him in deeper, measuring his reactions. Searching for his most sensitive spots and i'm delighted as i notice his reactions. Doing my most utterly best, T. is pushing hard and deep, He's fucking my mouth till the shank. Sometimes i heave, which i try to suppress. But this arouses my Owner, so i receive him as deep as possible. Then He pulls back, which disappoint me 'cause i wanna please him, giving him what He deserves. That time will come but for now my Owner doesn't wanna cum yet. He's pushing me firmly against his belly, a heartfelt embrace. I feel his warm and soft belly, i smell his delicious scent. His scent, tickeling my nostrils, making me wanna kneel for Him, enclosing Him with my warm mouth so that He can form me to that what's giving Him the most pleasure. His!

i am nothing and because of that everything

Photograph by Stranahan ° I know i scored something too

Does it excist; beyond ardent intensity? Even more intense and ardent as it was ever before? Yesterday i've experienced this is possible. I've had a lot of pain and mental humiliation, love and admission, beatings and firm hugs. Piss-slut as it wasn't meant to be, cock-worship in a new dimension, heavily tied up breasts while torturing them, anal defloration and it didn't hurt to my surprise. Why did i (once) had to say that i can take a lot on my cunt and so i could get it and felt it. Oh yeah, i felt it. Today delicious pained tits and bum. But most of all a satisfying mental happiness. For not a moment i felt fear, not even as T. had his hand deep inside of me. Everytime knowing each other better, so therefore more trust, more possibillities, more daring. Full of trust i was and totally focused on my Owner. At some point i wasn't there any longer, wheter i was T. Kneeling on the floor after severe beating i deeply felt my submission. At a level i've never felt before. Feeling oh so happy and gratitude overwhelmed me. I tried to describe what i felt, but i couldn't find the words. Lying on the floor, at His feet, i was complete His. I would do everything for Him, He could do whatever He wants to do with me. Searching for the right words to show Him my gratitude and feelings i came up with this: i am nothing and because of that everything. Does this make sense to you, do you know dear reader what i mean? Oh well, there will be another report about this meeting. As soon as i can find the words to describe how it is; T. and i, Master and slave, Tormentor and His .
For now i am glowing on my little cloud.

The essence

It has already been awhile back that T. in a subtle way leads me to a new path. He implants that little seed in my mind, waiting to sprout. Once in a while T. is giving the seed some food and the first buds are already visible. (Dry earth....blog)
T. had send me the url from the blog of sub lyn in which she describes how she becomes her Masters piss-slut.

'Little slut of me, give me your thoughts, your feelings, your fantasies and emotions while reading this post.'

Reading the post of sub lyn gave me mixed feelings. I understand her feelings and why she became a piss-slut, but for me? Sometimes i had this fantasy that T. is pissing upon my clit. A warm splash at that place seems yummie and exciting to me. But the prospective vision my Owner describes; drinking His piss and my own is making me shiver. The fear and shivering twinkles over my spine aren't unpleasant though. So i was curious where this idea from my Ower comes from. Is it because of the humiliation? Does it make Him horny? Or maybe both. Has this to do with power and my devotion to it?

As you know mo, in the life of a child peeing is óne of the issues in which guilt, atonement, humiliation and rewards are very important. On that moment in this young life you're rewarded as you hold your pee and as you empty your bladder in the right way; on your potty. And there is some rejection as you pee in your pants or on your bed. Rewardings and rejection are indissoluble connected with this 'holding-your-pee-phenomenon'. While later on in your life peeing has this private 'forbidden for others'character.

In our connection mo, this holding-up phenomenon and the accompanying rewardings and punishments will be turned around. If you are my piss-slut you'll be rewarded if you on unwanted places or in my command pee as I have instruct you. If you pee the 'normal' way you'll be punished for being obedient to this what is worn for years. This inversion of perspective mo, is worth it to examine together.

From this point of view slut of me, is let go of your pee at moments I desire and in the way I want you to do it, a condition of humiliation, degradation connected with shame and capitulation. Also is commanding that you MUST pee (equal to my commands that you múst cum) a delicious practise of power from your Owner over my possession who's obliged to humiliate and lower herself. Can you feel it on your spine subbie of me?

I know that if I wish you to be my piss-slut, you will be mo. These thoughts are making you horny slut and you already allow to rise some images in your imagination. To piss, little slut of me, has also to do with pure, hot Power and exciting Domination.

This explanation of T. makes me melt and touches deeply my submissiveness. Ofcourse i become T.'s piss-slut if He wants me to. Even though it will not be easy. Reading the experiences of sub lyn and of toy describing also her physical reactions of aversion while drinking her Owners piss, have not taken away my shivers and fear. But the essence of this all; the humiliation leading to feeling small and humble, His power over me, His girl doing all her best to please Him and the ultimate submission that's required for this are making the seed to root. Are making me wanna be His piss-slut. The essence is His ultimate Dominance over me and my devoted submission that's making me complete. And this essence also arouses me very, very much.

Art by Odd Nerdrum ° Twilight

Dark desires

Photograph by HOTgraFX

Only one night sleep and i'm seeing my Owner again. Nah, i'm not bouncing and craving. Do you believe that?

Lusty letters