A new year is coming

And cheers to love and happiness for everyone!

P Winter wonderland P

Wishes and presents

December is the month of presents. The most precious gift this year is ofcourse the beginning D/s relationship with my Owner and the development of this relationship. My Owner allows me to buy some new toys that's on my wishlist, ofcourse after Hís approval. T. also has a wishlist, the items on this list amazes me, is making me swallow my nervousness but most of all gives me lots of butterflies.

Some items on Masters list are:

* a cappucino foamer (i hope this is the right english word); i didn't know about this thing, never saw it befor either. But it seems to deliver a pulse. So it doesn't surprise you i suppose that Master also wants to buy an electric fly swatter for the same intention.

* A hood with a big hole on the place where my mouth is. For several purposes of course. Can you imagine which ones? For some reason i always found hoods scary, but knowing now that i had to buy a hood for my Owners pleasure, the idea begins to enlight me in a delicious brrrrr way.

* An inflatable buttplug and more anal toys.

Happy holidays!

One dazzling year

Not much time to write these dark days before Christmas. I suppose everybody is busy those last days of the year. This slavegirl is still continuous a happy slavegirl. Some three weeks ago i met my Owner again. The last meeting this year. We didn't have much time, but it was enough to feel His dominance and pain. Too bad my body didn't co-operate, i couldn't bear much pain this time. Therefore i was mainly His servient slut. Disappointed that i couldn't be His painslut as well, but i had to promise T. that i don't allow myself this feeling of failure. Because i didn't, T. imprinted.

Meanwhile i received some wonderful, heartwarming mails from my Owner. Some kind of evaluation on our D/s relationship. We know each other for almost a year now. A dazzling year in which we explored each other and recognize, we dare to love one another, and we develop our interaction as Master and submissive. A development in which T. becomes more cruel, more sadistic. To my great fear, but such a delicious, divine fear.

Master gives me permission to purchase some toys (after He approves my choices ofcourse) for my special toys attaché case. :-D And as i saw my Owners Wishlist the butterflies started fluttering along my spine. Ooooops, i swallowed, so scary but yummie scary. So if time become more quiet again i have a lot to write about. I suppose 2009 becomes even more intense. I wish all of you readers some warm, delightful holidays!

x°x°x

Candle

Left photo by J.P Fishbein, right photo by Stranahan.

Yes Sir, all is spick-and-span

On my dutch blog i sometimes post a picture labeled under 'Pulp'. Because i love this kind of pictures a lot. So here is the first one overhere. Enjoy!

Nasty red

When T. gave me the instruction to let grow my left little fingernail, i thought 'nice instruction.' At that time i didn't realize that this instruction turned out to be a subtle way to deepen my submissiveness. My little fingernails are growing the quickest, so it didn't take too long before i had a nice, moderate long nail on both my little fingers. I thought this was the beginning of eventually let grow all my fingernails 'cause i'm a nailbiter. I didn't see through that my Owner was especially interested in the left nail. So the nails of my little fingers are growing, i fulfill a given instruction that wasn't that hard, mission completed. I was satisfied with my progression and hoped that my Owner was as satisfied as i am. I didn't inform T. yet about my progression. And the satisfaction about myself wasn't appropriate. But this i only realize just now. But i'm way ahead of the facts.

During a thrilling soccergame of my youngest son, i was biting my nails. I am never aware of biting my nails, but suddenly i stopped and realized i bit off my left, or in fact my Owners left little fingernail. This sucked a lot and then the deeper meaning of T.'s instruction came thru. Suddenly i am more than aware of this (then bitten) nail. I still hadn't inform T. about my progress and didn't inform Him about this failure. But since that moment of perception i didn't bite my left little fingernail again.
As i meet my Owner again He wants to see my His nail. The nail has grown just a little bit, isn't worthwile enough. I tell T. about my failure. Despite of Your calm statement that the nail isn't good enough (yet) i notice Your hidden disappointment. This deepens even more my awareness about the nail and the desire not to disappoint You again.

Then the nail has an appealing length. At least long enough to paint it. I take care of the nail, i had bought some stuff like nailhardener and topcoat etc. I paint the nail in a dark purple. While i do this i feel dancing butterflies upon my spine. I am more than aware of T.'s Dominance over me. Taking care of and painting the nail, making me feel intensely the slave i am. I am doing this for Him, my Master who ownes me, because He wants me to do this. And i can assure you dear reader, for a nailbiter like me, not biting nails is hard. So sometimes i still bite except the little fingernails. I send T. some pictures of His nail. He tells me about colors and that He also likes a nasty red. He didn't order anything but i understand what i have to do. At the pharmacist in my neighborhood i buy me the nastiest red they have. I remove the dark purple and in upper concentration i paint His nail nasty red. These acts feel like a ritual. T. feels very close at that moment. The nail isn't mine anymore, the nail is His. Property. Pleasant impulses tickle everywhere. It isn't so much the act or the instruction that arouses me, but the feeling of my humility to His wish. He prescribes and i follow. I admire His outstanding flaming red nail. He's so obvious, but at the same time so subtle present as a sign of me being owned. Taking care of the nail, painting it, like a ritual; it feels like a collar. This beautiful red nail is His. The psychological effect of His dominance over me feels so good and exciting and deeply, deeply submissive. That something 'simple' like this can have such an huge impact. It amazes me and makes me feel grateful, humble ánd aroused as well. The nail is still growing to a elegant length and i am looking for an even more nasty red.

Heavenly surrender

Photograph by Stuart

i'll make you a prayer,
a heavenly surrender.
To the one somewhere out there.
The one who can mend her.
i pray for the one,
Who can open my door.
Let me go through,
oh yes, give me more.

i pray for the lover,
the willing intender.
To break down the door
of heavenly surrender.

i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.
i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.

i crave your violent,
Acted upon me.
Set me free by your
weighted autonomy.
i am so human,
so small, so debased.
Jealousy and darkness roll over this place.

i pray for the lover,
a willing intender.
To break down the girl,
a heavenly surrender.

i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.
i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.

i'm a lover of freedom,
But i cling to the dusk.
i'm blown by the wind,
i'm a slave;
i am lust.
Roll my face in
the shit that i sleep in.
Tie me and bind me
up for your keeping.

i'll make you a prayer,
a heavenly surrender.
To the one somewhere out there.
The one who can mend her.

i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.
i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.
i only make love to Jesus,
i only f**k God.
i only f**k God.
i only f**k...

Lyrics by Queen Adreena

Travelling

° Click ° ° Click °

Expectation * Our hazy, little world

After a drink in the bar of the hotel, my Owner and i walked back to our room. There i had to undress myself again. Kneeling in front of the bed, You push my head downwards. I thought i was clear that evening, but as i think back to it, i notice that i don't know the right rank of what happened. Pink clouds in my head obstructing clear thinking. I was further in space then i thought i was. I don't remember if You used the belt again on me. Or if You immediately groped and pinched me.

Two fingers deep in me, three, four...... You ask me why i didn't stretch myself at home. 'Cause You notice it goes tiring. Meanwhile You push four fingers inside me, back and forth. Continuously faster. Hard. I don't remember if You pushed Your whole hand inside of me. But i know i was very aroused and came spurting. You continue and i hear the lewdness in Your voice as You snap one humiliation after another at me. I slip away in my hazy little world. Where we are alone. You and i. Where i loose myself in Your spirit. My face in the blankets, i hear Your voice stirring us up. Feeling Your hand deep inside of me, while Your other hand is pushing my head down. Suddenly You penetrate me deep, fucking me with a pent-up rage i've never experienced before. Harsh. Heated. I hear Your humiliating words, but it's only sound. The meaning doesn't get through. Hazy and warm. I feel while Your grip in my hair strenghten. Pulling my head backwards. Then i feel the first slap in my face. Not only my cheek is glowing. More slaps follow. Hazy and warm. i feel as the last slap overwhelms me. For a moment darkness in my head and astonishment. Stars. I see stars as You help me to stand up. Taking me by the hand and lead me to the shower. And i know what comes next.

I'm sitting on the cool tiles. Bent head. The hazyness in my head is gone and a cool intelligibility calms my heated thoughts. Notices how small the shower is. How this space is filled with great expectations. How my stomach contracts because of the nervously fluttering butterflies. I look up and see Your concentrated face above me. I smile. You too find it difficult to piss under pressure. The pressure of expectations this time. I open my mouth, but close it nervously as i feel how the first drops spatter on my face. It's a little stream so i carefully open my mouth again to receive some of Your piss. I feel emotional as i taste You. As i swallow You. Your salty taste linger against my palate. I was afraid that i had to throw up, but i didn't. I get all warm inside. The little stream stops. I giggle.

'That's a stream of nothing.' i hear You mumble. Your face even more concentrated. I take You in my mouth and taste. Time seems to stand still. In the silence of this cool, white space, where a second seems to be an eternity, i wait patiently while i take in Your face. As i open my mouth again, and my tongue hesitating sticks out, i suddenly see a great relief on Your face that uncovers a big smile. A salty, warm beam touches my face, tongue and heart while i swallow, taste, swallow and notice how Your warm fluid clear a way through my body. Grateful i am that this first time the stream wasn't that plentifull. You put on the warm shower as i hide in Your arms. After which You tenderly wash Your dirty girl. I show You my gratitude by many, many little-girl-kisses.