Dig!

Winding path

Life has lots of winding paths. Sometimes that's fun and exciting, at other times frightening and turbulent. The path Master walks at present in daily life is an insecure, frightening one. Our relationship is still strong, but we have a little bit less connection because of this dark, insecure path. Understandable, 'cause Master has something else on His mind and the future is scary. He informs me about what's going on in His life and i don't have words right now. I am here for Him as his friend but a bit in the background. The submissive, masochistic girl i also keep in the background, 'cause that feels out of place right now. Therefore i temporary will not write new posts here either. That also feels inappropriate. I don't know what the future will bring, i don't know when i will meet my Owner again, but that's the less important. I am here as his friend, i love Him, i hope that i can bring Him some comforting words, and i do hope with all my heart for a bright future for Him and his family.

It's time for some spring cleaning!

Happy easter to y'all!

A bit difficult to search for some easter eggs...

Confusion

It was a beautiful springday with lots of sunshine. I was still busy with some preparations as T. texted me that He wants to meet me at the station an hour earlier, so we can sit in the sun and talk before we leave for our usual location. Panic on all sides haha, 'cause i felt i wasn't ready yet, still too much to do. Besides i gladly wanted to pick up a parcel at the postoffice with a new toy.
As i entered the railway station on time (!) pfffff wíth new toy, my Owner startled me for being there. I suspected to meet Him at the platform. I saw His smiling eyes. He always catches me by surprise.

We decided to travel halfway and drink coffee in Driebergen. As usual, being a nervous subbie, i jabbered away a lot. As i, a few days later, evaluate our meeting, i was fed up with my chatter, so i asked T. to stop my mouth next time. Please? I'm not sure He will do that, i think He's amused as i nervously chatter. +

It was great to meet my Owner again; to see Him, listen to Him, taste Him. But i couldn't find some peace of mind. Not even as i waited for Him in the cellar. Naked. On my knees. For some hours we were together again in our own universum but i couldn't find the magic. The intensity of Us didn't touch me as deep as before. There were some new experiences (i write about it in some other posts) but it was hard to surrender myself. I had the feeling T. had some other things on His mind, that He wasn't with me completely. And it also seemed that i couldn't take much. But i was awfully craving for much; much pain, much humiliation. And most of all much of what T. wanted from me, taking no account of me.

As we were saying goodbye at the station i felt a little numb, a vague feeling. The day after it seemed as if i landed in sub-drop. I was very emotional and cried at every moment. Reflecting our meeting. Thinking that i wasn't good enough for my Owner. Thinking about these emotions i decided to mail T. about these feelings of insecurity and worrying. The scars from my former D/s liaisons appeared again: i was scared to express my feelings, scared for anger, although i know that T. isn't like that. I thought that my Owner has the right to know what my feelings are, in fact this is from essential importance. So i conquered my fears and sended the mail.

.......i hope that You only do the things Yóu find nice, pleasant and horny and if this turned out to be nice, horny etc. as well for me than i'm lucky. Only Yóu decide what is going to happen, if i like it or not. That makes me feel recognized and i can't imagine anything better than to please You, follow You, to do and to experience Your commands and desires, anything what You have in mind. Suffering under your hands and interest is what makes me happy......

Apparantly i'm asking for a harder approach without calculating my wishes. (and from that exactly calculating my wishes, how schizophrenic is that?) I was afraid to send the mail 'cause i don't wanna hurt Masters feelings or being unjust. Perhaps He don't understand what i'm talking about. Fortunately T. understands His subbie very well 'cause as He had received my mail He answered it immediately to set me at ease.

sweet girl,

don't be scared and thank you for your honest mail! Later more and details and everything. I love it that my subbie and girl is sincere. Sincerity is something else than hurting!

Bye sweetheart,

your Master T.

Gratitude and happiness. I'm such a lucky girl. Subbie cries, subbie smiles. For now i'm somewhat confused. Craving. Sometimes my submissive, masochistic feelings are difficult to unravel. I find them at times oh so conflicting. Opposite feelings. It's hard for me to ask things from my Owner. That doesn't suit a submissive? Meanwhile i still feel my bum (and it's a week ago that we've met) A deep dull ache, making me smile and feeling happy.

Clumsy

Those days are here again. Those stirring days before meeting T. My Owner, Tormentor, beloved Friend. A sweet burden. With special rituals. Extra carefully depilating and shaving so when i'm standing in front of Him i will be soft and smooth. A new color in my hair that makes them shine. Buying new stockings. Shall i buy new sexy underwear? Nah, i'm not allowed to wear knickers when i'm with T., so..... My nervous thoughts swirl like petals in springtime. I'm not only soft and smooth coming friday. I will also be a bit bruised. Because i daydream a lot those days and that brings also a lot of clumsyness. Do other subbies recognize this? Nervously jumping and dreaming and more than other times i bump against everything. Auch! another blue spot. I have to be very alert while cooking and cutting the vegetables, 'cause when i don't i will cut my fingers. And if someone is telling me a story, only the half get through. "I'm sorry, what did you say again?"

Today is the last day in which i am my biggest enemy. Until it starts all over again. Do you keep your fingers crossed for me? So when i shave myself i won't cut my private parts. That i won't forget to rinse out my hair in time, so that my hair has this beautiful color i have in mind and not changed into a poisonous green or something. And that there are only one or two blue spots on my body. I prefer the spots marked by my Owner.

Are you subbies also that clumsy before meeting your Owner? ;-)

Cloister dream

Art by Clovis Trouille ~ Reve claustral 1952

The naked self

Amazed i look at the green light of the webcam. The green light that isn't a green light. But the eyes of my Owner. No, i'm not craving that much that i go nuts or something. Craving, yes. And very astonished that even a chat on messenger with T. touches me that deeply.

At first we were talking about daily life. But soon enough there were our dark desires and fantasies. Making me giggle and blushing at the beginning because of my arising horniness. Somehow T. always manage to make me shy, ashamed of my hungry lust. Ofcourse T. mentions with emphasis my lust. He knows exactly how to make me feel small. Just like He knows how shy i become when observing me. He doesn't have a webcam, mine is on. This ofcourse intensifies the feeling of being observed. I have to stand up so T. can watch my tits. He commands me to place two pegs on my nipples. This hurts a lot, those miserable, sensitive nipples of mine. Then i'm allowed to sit again, so He can observe my face. Our conversation continues. About a fantasy that arouses me a lot. So the pain on my nipples fades away. I have to aim the camera on my face, a little bit closer. Looking straight into the camera. As if looking at Him. I have to finger myself, but i'm not allowed to orgasm.

Is that clear?
Yes Master.

Somewhat provoking i look up at the camera, eagerly starting to masturbate. But it doesn't take long, the lust to masturbate vanishes. I notice i become emotional. All the time looking at the camera but my hands resting calm in my lap. Tears welling up. I would like to hide my face behind my hands right now. Too naked. This is the first time someone is observing me this consciously. This is the first time someone is seeing me this clear. Wants to see me this clear. Restlessness befalls me and i sway my chair. Back and forth. There is silence, no messages i can focus on. Only a little green light observing me. T.'s eyes. Is He still there? What's He doing? It seems hours and time stands still. Because of my restlessness i suddenly feel the pain from the pegs again. Those i have to take down from my nipples right now!
No!

is the decided answer from my Owner. Which arouses me very much. Ah, He's still here and He is watching. He's watching me. I can feel His presence, His glance resting upon me. Then i surrender. Peace comes over me and i look straight into the camera. A smile upon my face.

To be continued......

Faith by Master Touch

And oh my, how dó i crave the cane after talking on messenger with my Master yesterday evening........

Orgastic creature (Fragments of our meeting)

Photographs by David Samson; Bliss & Belonging

The smile, ecstasy and devotion on her face. Those expressions you also could read on my face when i was with my Owner last wednesday. In the train i already felt fluid, like wax in His hands. Craving pain and total surrender. Terribly excited, that intensified this craving. Amazed about the orgastic creature in which i seemed to be transformed. From the very beginning of this meeting i was already heavily under my Owners influence (subspace) so therefore this post consists of fragments. Little pieces moonstone that shines in my memory.

Naked, kneeling in the cellar i wait. Footsteps above my head. My heart that jumps as i hear descending footsteps on the stairs. Closed eyes, proud i-am-Yours posture. The collar that He buckles on warms my heart. A chain connected with the collar, which i have to put in motion. Therefore i move my body to and fro so that the cellar is filled with soft jingling. I feel a bit silly. Moving to and fro. His hands in my hair, pushing me, bending me face down.
A sharp pain scratching my back, not feeling as pain but giving me goose-bumps from pleasure. The contented voice of my Owner when counting. His fingertips on my skin.

"Ten beautiful red lines on your back mo."

His cock deep in my mouth, but quickly pulled back from my greedy mouth. Too greedy.

I've forgotten to ask T. what made those beautiful lines. It wasn't a knife 'cause there were more sharp points at the same time.

Tied up on the slavechair. The one that spread your legs. Blindfolded. T. is making a breastbondage. Tight. He pulls the rope, thin cord this time. Dizzy in the head. Does He notice my struggling? A bondage doesn't hurt, but i have this strange thing. It scares me sometimes. Breasts that change colors. So i don't have to see it. No idea why. But i am blindfolded, so why this sweating and dizzyness in the head? T. is nearby, talking to me. Concentrated, intently He is binding me. I focus on His hands, His scent, His voice. I don't want to become unwell, by which this will stop. I manage to banish my feelings of fear and relax. A victory. My breasts tightly bonded. Rope pulling them up and a bit forward because the rope is attached to a chain that hangs from the ceiling a bit further away. I'm sure this looks ingenious. Pegs on my breasts, nipples and labia. Because of the spreaded legs, T. can easily reach everything. Clamps pulling my labia parted. A beating upon my cunt. Flat handed. My cunt starts to glow. Orgastic creature comes just like that. His fingers deep in me, His hand. Again he leads me to an orgasm, and again. A toy in His hands. The laughter in His voice humiliating me makes me happy.

The sling in which i lie swings softly. This feels great. T. fucking me, beating me, fucking me, beating.... He smacks my cunt on which i can bear a lot. He smacks me hard. A swollen cunt thrilling me. Intoxication. He uses me. His fucktoy.

My head hanging backward, i have Him in my mouth. He pushes deep and i have to surpress a feeling to heave. It feels like floating in a sling. T. sitting upon me, taking care of my cunt with the cane and the whip. Than, for just a second, i don't know exactly how or what, He is sitting upon my face taking my breath away.

Streched out over the vaulting buck. Blow after blow. Alternating hard, soft, tickling. Which confuses me, making it more difficult to count the cane blows. The dull deep pain from the cane, the intensely fierce pain from the whip, the soft tickling from the horsehair flogger. But the tickling feels as fire upon my tormented, glowing bum. Blow after blow. How many exactly i can't remember. Red welts, glowing skin and a contented Owner. Today, a week later, i still feel the dull pain in my bum, a pity the welts were disappeared the next day. More i want, much more. Kneeling on the floor, against Him, pushing my face in His skin. He hold me tight, strokes my hair. I don't get more.

T. streched out upon a leather furnished table. I stand at the foot doing my utmost best to please Him. Giving Him what He desires. Stroking, tickling, softly squeezing his skin, meanwhile sucking. I suck Him in deep, than playfully release Him. I concentrate on his reactions. His slut that wanna please her Owner as if her life depends on it. The greatest reward i get on the end as i may drink Him en T. looks at me smiling.

"This was very sub-dignified mo."

Like music these words from Him. And i, insatiable submissive, once more longing for Him, craving his pain.