Wish you were here by Vladimir BorowiczSince T. is my Owner i haven't crave (heavily) 'cause our meetings were regular and intense. Ofcourse there was this pleasant craving, but not this awful craving because of lack. A craving that hurts. But not a pleasant pain. A pain that gives you the feeling to climb against the wall. Because you don't know wheter you're standing on your head or on your heels. Because of this great lack.
The last few weeks i don't read often other blogs but i dose my reading. Because that awful craving has returned. I'm very happy for the, mostly intense, experiences of my also submissive bloggers. I am happy for them. But my feelings start to gnaw. A gnawing i try to suppress. This gnawing that stands for the great lack, the craving that hurts so badly.
The interaction between T. and myself is still less than it was before, but it feels as if we despite, or maybe just because of, are growing even more towards each other. T. let me strongely know that He cares a lot about me, that i (too) am important for Him. (Stay with me, I want you!)
That He loves me.
That He loves me.
Which enlarge the lack and the craving, but it also makes me happy. It makes me happy to know that His thoughts about me, about us, comforts Him. In this for Him so hard times. So in fact i serve Him passively, indirectly. Knowing this soothes me. 'Cause i rejected my (mostly exciting) thoughts about Him. How can i allow myself to think this way while T. grieves the illness of His wife, His beloved one. But i can't just switch off my feelings ofcourse. 1 2 3 gone! To know that my Owner accepts His feelings, even though they are double-hearted sometimes, makes me also feeling less guilty. So i dare to send Him a mail about SM in stead of daily matters, that i allow myself to call Him Master again in textmessages. Our last phonecall, not so long ago, was very intense and it resulted in feeling His girl and slut. Feelings i forbit myself to feel.
When i will meet Him again i don't know, so the awful craving that hurts badly will continue in the time coming. I do hope the craving doesn't get worse.
When i will meet Him again i don't know, so the awful craving that hurts badly will continue in the time coming. I do hope the craving doesn't get worse.
(Virtual) hugs are much appreciated right now. ;-)
5 comments:
*great big hugs*
I hope things work out for you two, and soon!
Dearest mo....I understand intense and painful longing; I understand how bad the hurt can be. It is comforting to know that, even though you cannot be physically present with each other, the bond between you is not diminishing. You have a great love and respect for each other; it is obvious and beautiful.
HUG
precious mo,
slave g is here for you with caring and understanding.
*tight hugs*
Thank you Gray: things will work out i'm sure of that, but not soon i'm afraid. I have to be patient and wait....
Thank you for your sweet comment.
Hug!
Sweet, dear Charli: yes i know you understand intense and painful longing very well. I hope the painful longing will end for you very soon and transform into sweet longing you can share with a Master who treats you well and understands who you are.
Luckily i can surpress my longing a bit thru my art(blog). I always am happy with your thoughtful comments.
A big HUG for you and lots of xxx
Sweet, beautiful g.,
thank you for you caring words, also earlier. Sorry for my silence and late response but i have few words at the moment. Your comments means a lot to me.
xxx
Lots and lots of hugs coming your way! Thinking about you! -xxx-
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