Despite my sense of guilt i was going to work singing

So much to write about, where will i begin? First of all i'll tell you about the shame and the accompanying feelings of guilt. As i wrote before my Owner had given me some commands that i postpone again and again. Ofcourse, i had some good reasons to do that, but when T. came back from His holidays and find an empty mailbox these reasons didn't suffice. A good slavegirl takes and finds the time to accomplish her Masters wish. Doesn't she? Examining my reasons i find out there were some deeper emotions behind my unintentional unwillingness. I recognise a pattern. I'll write about this in another blog. The thought that my Owner must be very disappointed in me made me sad. But He didn't show me his disappointment, He gave me understanding and compassion. Which makes me feel more guilty, you can imagine. Meanwhile i sended Him mails and textmessages hoping to take away the disappointment in me. Then T. sended me a severe email in which He made very clear that i couldn't get off the hook that easily. Ofcourse i wouldn't.


My bouncing and disobedient slave;
I'll make sure that you accomplish my command this tuesday!
Tuesday you will be ready at 10 o'clock!
you'll do what I command you!


Apparently i needed this. Immediately i sended Him a mail back out of inspiration. I'll be ready for you Master. With it i sended the two photographs you can see in this blog and the one from my previous blog. As soon as i pushed the button 'send' i realised my mistake. This mail would end at the mailbox of my Owners job. Normally i always check the url, but this time, in my submissive, guilty mood i just didn't. Oh how stupid i felt and how negligent! I wished i could crawl into the computer to recall my mail. It was already late but i sended T. a mail where i confessed my stupidity. Hoping He was still awake and could do something about it. With thousand exuces ofcourse. Also i sended Him a textmessage, hoping that...... Silence, T. was already asleep and i couldn't change a thing. I went to bed but couldn't sleep very well. The next morning again i sended my Owner a textmessage with lots of excuses and that i was a stupid bitch, a birdbrain and fellt very miserable. I had to go to work but couldn't think of anything else. For awhile my Owner let me dangle and sweat, but at last, just before i had to go, i received His releasing answer.
For now sorry is sufficient, but the punishment is expanding at His great pleasure. And He loves me also if i make mistakes. It's a lesson you have to learn in humility, bowing and penance.
Amazement and gladness 'cause in former D/s relationships it went totally different. My second Master made me feel miserable and guilty for days and feeling small in a negative way. My guilty feelings lessened and swapped for an exulting mood. I felt small and submissive but most of all very happy. In the evening T. sended me the following email:

Senseless, unaware slavegirl of Me;
You àre a birdbrain and a stupid bitch!
But mo, you're also a vivid woman who can make mistakes,
you're also My girl,
most of all you're My slut and My slave;
in other words: you are Mý mo!

Enclosed the remark that He will not spare me if we meet each other again next thursday. But all along it becomes clearer and clearer that i really am His slave. My submissiveness deepens even more, as well because of my increasing trust and the awareness that He will never let me down. Next day stroke of the clock ten hours i was ready for my Owner to accomplish His wish.