Summertime fantasies

Photograph by Lochai

I'm off to France for about two weeks. I hope i've more time and lust after the holidays to write more often again here on my blog. For now i will leave you some summerfantasies i wrote last year, it's in the dutch language but in the first reaction i've placed the english translation. So you just have to scroll down a bit. I hope you enjoy them.

Will she cool down? and the continuing story Air, earth, water, fire.

And perhaps you remember the Instruction T. gave me last year during my holidays? Dry earth.
T. didn't give me Instructions this time. Or in fact He did but oh so subtle. That He doesn't give me Instructions 'cause he trust my creativity. So now i'm puzzling my mind about what shall i do during my holidays to please Master? You'll read it when i'm back. Take care all of you and until later!

A brutal dance and heartfelt togetherness

Photograph: Fetish breasts by Emily sub.

We should meet again, no play but drinking coffee, talking and hugging, just a wonderful day together. The awkwardness of me was the reason that T. decided otherwise. You know: lovely tension, but not so bright thinking as normally in daily life, there i stood on the platform of the railway station, pretty baby, carefully shaved, on time. Waiting for my Master to travel furthermore together. Comprehensively on time so it seems. A textmessage to Master learned me that i was (luckily!) on the right platform, but too early. One hour early!

Oh poor silly thing, you're too early so get the train to Nijmegen.

At that time the train to Nijmegen arrived, so i was thinking Master is mindfucking me. 'Cause i still had the idea i was there at the right time. Yeah, subbie with a jelly brain. That's the influence T. has on me. ;-) Was T. aware that i was thinking of a mindfuck? And did He took advantage from it? Nervously i got on the train and T. fed my insecurity with textmessages. Within ten minutes i was in Nijmegen, looking around but no sign of Master at all. Another textmessage: i had to go to the cafe on the platform, drinking some coffee and waiting. He already had asked me if i did remember the hotel near the station? Some time ago we had stayed there. Ofcourse i do remember that. Very well. And T. wrote that it's very tempting this hotel so very nearby. Butterflies in my tummy were dancing and fluttering substantially. I didn't dare to think of, hoping that....
While i enjoyed my coffee i suddenly saw Master dropping by. I was so happy to see Him again! And that's an understatement haha. We kissed eacht other and T. got himself a coffee too. I took Him in intensely. Enjoying His face, His hands, His eyes and voice. He told me that we should go to the hotel nearby. He was longing to feel me, to possess me. I giggled and became nervous again.

Immediately after entering the room we kissed each other fiercely. It was very clear we missed each other a lot. Masters hands were everywhere and i was dizy from longing. Soon enough i was naked, kneeling on the floor in front of the bed. We hadn't took much stuff, but i had some pegs, a small flogger and the wheel of pain. But who needs the whip when there's the heavy but oh so delicious belt? Master pushed me face down in the blankets, the sound of the belt pulled of from the trousers, making me dizzy. Instinctively i raise my bum even more awaiting the first blow. That delicious first blow that always scares me abit. Not knowing how i will react. Can i take much or will i be squeaking and yummer like a little baby? But the first blow always making me His, taking me along our dark magical world, where we merge and deeply piercing each others soul.
After this first blow with His belt we were absorbed in our heated craving towards each other. It was an intense brutal dance in which Master fucked me ruthlessly, took my breath and gave it back, pulled my hair, slapped my face, penetrated my mouth as deep as He could until i heaved and was gasping for breath, He then turned me around again to fuck me deep in the ass and that hurted so much that tears were in my eyes, but this feeling made me very, very happy. A dance in which Master beated me and tortured my breasts that much so the next day they were covered with bruises and blue spots. And that made me happy also. Nevertheless it isn't the bruises, the pain and the humiliation that i cherish. What i remember the most and cherish is the feeling Master needs me as much as i need Him. That i finally understand this and this feeling brings an intense togetherness. Master dared to show His heartfelt feelings even more. For a change it wasn't me that talked a lot that day, but Master did the talking and allowed me in His daily life. i am His and that makes me happy. Still lasting!

Swimming

i was swimming across the sky
Clouds and angels by my side
Then i realized that i was lonely
And it wasn't such a good thing.

i was flying in paradise
In that ocean of dead lights
i was looking for Your smile in the wind
But there was nobody there this morning.

i was swimming across the sky
Clouds and angels by my side
Then i realized that i was lonely
And it wasn't such a good thing.

i believe in Your smile everyday
But i know that You're far from my way
When i talk to the moon i can hear You
In the dark i can see, i can feel Your light.

Lyrics by Emilie Simon * Photomanipulation/collage by me.

A big hug

Surprise hug line art by Manic goose

for Gray, Charli and g. Thank you beautiful ladies. Your comments mean a lot to me. At the moment i have not much to write here. I fantasize on my garden- and fairytales blog, but i wonder if anybody reads it. So anyone, please delurk one time overthere so i'll know iam not alone in the woods and my wonderland. :-)

Blood is thicker than water so once in awhile i will upload some nice pictures overhere.

i miss You

Wish you were here by Vladimir Borowicz

Since T. is my Owner i haven't crave (heavily) 'cause our meetings were regular and intense. Ofcourse there was this pleasant craving, but not this awful craving because of lack. A craving that hurts. But not a pleasant pain. A pain that gives you the feeling to climb against the wall. Because you don't know wheter you're standing on your head or on your heels. Because of this great lack.

The last few weeks i don't read often other blogs but i dose my reading. Because that awful craving has returned. I'm very happy for the, mostly intense, experiences of my also submissive bloggers. I am happy for them. But my feelings start to gnaw. A gnawing i try to suppress. This gnawing that stands for the great lack, the craving that hurts so badly.

The interaction between T. and myself is still less than it was before, but it feels as if we despite, or maybe just because of, are growing even more towards each other. T. let me strongely know that He cares a lot about me, that i (too) am important for Him. (Stay with me, I want you!)
That He loves me.

Which enlarge the lack and the craving, but it also makes me happy. It makes me happy to know that His thoughts about me, about us, comforts Him. In this for Him so hard times. So in fact i serve Him passively, indirectly. Knowing this soothes me. 'Cause i rejected my (mostly exciting) thoughts about Him. How can i allow myself to think this way while T. grieves the illness of His wife, His beloved one. But i can't just switch off my feelings ofcourse. 1 2 3 gone! To know that my Owner accepts His feelings, even though they are double-hearted sometimes, makes me also feeling less guilty. So i dare to send Him a mail about SM in stead of daily matters, that i allow myself to call Him Master again in textmessages. Our last phonecall, not so long ago, was very intense and it resulted in feeling His girl and slut. Feelings i forbit myself to feel.
When i will meet Him again i don't know, so the awful craving that hurts badly will continue in the time coming. I do hope the craving doesn't get worse.

(Virtual) hugs are much appreciated right now. ;-)

Handed down to my senses

* Click here to enter my garden. *

KATHARSIS

It's my party

Birthday stuff etc. There's enough cake, so go ahead, take a piece. And yes, the five is absolutely correct! ;-)

Haiku

* click *

Dig!

Winding path

Life has lots of winding paths. Sometimes that's fun and exciting, at other times frightening and turbulent. The path Master walks at present in daily life is an insecure, frightening one. Our relationship is still strong, but we have a little bit less connection because of this dark, insecure path. Understandable, 'cause Master has something else on His mind and the future is scary. He informs me about what's going on in His life and i don't have words right now. I am here for Him as his friend but a bit in the background. The submissive, masochistic girl i also keep in the background, 'cause that feels out of place right now. Therefore i temporary will not write new posts here either. That also feels inappropriate. I don't know what the future will bring, i don't know when i will meet my Owner again, but that's the less important. I am here as his friend, i love Him, i hope that i can bring Him some comforting words, and i do hope with all my heart for a bright future for Him and his family.

It's time for some spring cleaning!

Happy easter to y'all!

A bit difficult to search for some easter eggs...

Confusion

It was a beautiful springday with lots of sunshine. I was still busy with some preparations as T. texted me that He wants to meet me at the station an hour earlier, so we can sit in the sun and talk before we leave for our usual location. Panic on all sides haha, 'cause i felt i wasn't ready yet, still too much to do. Besides i gladly wanted to pick up a parcel at the postoffice with a new toy.
As i entered the railway station on time (!) pfffff wíth new toy, my Owner startled me for being there. I suspected to meet Him at the platform. I saw His smiling eyes. He always catches me by surprise.

We decided to travel halfway and drink coffee in Driebergen. As usual, being a nervous subbie, i jabbered away a lot. As i, a few days later, evaluate our meeting, i was fed up with my chatter, so i asked T. to stop my mouth next time. Please? I'm not sure He will do that, i think He's amused as i nervously chatter. +

It was great to meet my Owner again; to see Him, listen to Him, taste Him. But i couldn't find some peace of mind. Not even as i waited for Him in the cellar. Naked. On my knees. For some hours we were together again in our own universum but i couldn't find the magic. The intensity of Us didn't touch me as deep as before. There were some new experiences (i write about it in some other posts) but it was hard to surrender myself. I had the feeling T. had some other things on His mind, that He wasn't with me completely. And it also seemed that i couldn't take much. But i was awfully craving for much; much pain, much humiliation. And most of all much of what T. wanted from me, taking no account of me.

As we were saying goodbye at the station i felt a little numb, a vague feeling. The day after it seemed as if i landed in sub-drop. I was very emotional and cried at every moment. Reflecting our meeting. Thinking that i wasn't good enough for my Owner. Thinking about these emotions i decided to mail T. about these feelings of insecurity and worrying. The scars from my former D/s liaisons appeared again: i was scared to express my feelings, scared for anger, although i know that T. isn't like that. I thought that my Owner has the right to know what my feelings are, in fact this is from essential importance. So i conquered my fears and sended the mail.

.......i hope that You only do the things Yóu find nice, pleasant and horny and if this turned out to be nice, horny etc. as well for me than i'm lucky. Only Yóu decide what is going to happen, if i like it or not. That makes me feel recognized and i can't imagine anything better than to please You, follow You, to do and to experience Your commands and desires, anything what You have in mind. Suffering under your hands and interest is what makes me happy......

Apparantly i'm asking for a harder approach without calculating my wishes. (and from that exactly calculating my wishes, how schizophrenic is that?) I was afraid to send the mail 'cause i don't wanna hurt Masters feelings or being unjust. Perhaps He don't understand what i'm talking about. Fortunately T. understands His subbie very well 'cause as He had received my mail He answered it immediately to set me at ease.

sweet girl,

don't be scared and thank you for your honest mail! Later more and details and everything. I love it that my subbie and girl is sincere. Sincerity is something else than hurting!

Bye sweetheart,

your Master T.

Gratitude and happiness. I'm such a lucky girl. Subbie cries, subbie smiles. For now i'm somewhat confused. Craving. Sometimes my submissive, masochistic feelings are difficult to unravel. I find them at times oh so conflicting. Opposite feelings. It's hard for me to ask things from my Owner. That doesn't suit a submissive? Meanwhile i still feel my bum (and it's a week ago that we've met) A deep dull ache, making me smile and feeling happy.

Clumsy

Those days are here again. Those stirring days before meeting T. My Owner, Tormentor, beloved Friend. A sweet burden. With special rituals. Extra carefully depilating and shaving so when i'm standing in front of Him i will be soft and smooth. A new color in my hair that makes them shine. Buying new stockings. Shall i buy new sexy underwear? Nah, i'm not allowed to wear knickers when i'm with T., so..... My nervous thoughts swirl like petals in springtime. I'm not only soft and smooth coming friday. I will also be a bit bruised. Because i daydream a lot those days and that brings also a lot of clumsyness. Do other subbies recognize this? Nervously jumping and dreaming and more than other times i bump against everything. Auch! another blue spot. I have to be very alert while cooking and cutting the vegetables, 'cause when i don't i will cut my fingers. And if someone is telling me a story, only the half get through. "I'm sorry, what did you say again?"

Today is the last day in which i am my biggest enemy. Until it starts all over again. Do you keep your fingers crossed for me? So when i shave myself i won't cut my private parts. That i won't forget to rinse out my hair in time, so that my hair has this beautiful color i have in mind and not changed into a poisonous green or something. And that there are only one or two blue spots on my body. I prefer the spots marked by my Owner.

Are you subbies also that clumsy before meeting your Owner? ;-)

Cloister dream

Art by Clovis Trouille ~ Reve claustral 1952

The naked self

Amazed i look at the green light of the webcam. The green light that isn't a green light. But the eyes of my Owner. No, i'm not craving that much that i go nuts or something. Craving, yes. And very astonished that even a chat on messenger with T. touches me that deeply.

At first we were talking about daily life. But soon enough there were our dark desires and fantasies. Making me giggle and blushing at the beginning because of my arising horniness. Somehow T. always manage to make me shy, ashamed of my hungry lust. Ofcourse T. mentions with emphasis my lust. He knows exactly how to make me feel small. Just like He knows how shy i become when observing me. He doesn't have a webcam, mine is on. This ofcourse intensifies the feeling of being observed. I have to stand up so T. can watch my tits. He commands me to place two pegs on my nipples. This hurts a lot, those miserable, sensitive nipples of mine. Then i'm allowed to sit again, so He can observe my face. Our conversation continues. About a fantasy that arouses me a lot. So the pain on my nipples fades away. I have to aim the camera on my face, a little bit closer. Looking straight into the camera. As if looking at Him. I have to finger myself, but i'm not allowed to orgasm.

Is that clear?
Yes Master.

Somewhat provoking i look up at the camera, eagerly starting to masturbate. But it doesn't take long, the lust to masturbate vanishes. I notice i become emotional. All the time looking at the camera but my hands resting calm in my lap. Tears welling up. I would like to hide my face behind my hands right now. Too naked. This is the first time someone is observing me this consciously. This is the first time someone is seeing me this clear. Wants to see me this clear. Restlessness befalls me and i sway my chair. Back and forth. There is silence, no messages i can focus on. Only a little green light observing me. T.'s eyes. Is He still there? What's He doing? It seems hours and time stands still. Because of my restlessness i suddenly feel the pain from the pegs again. Those i have to take down from my nipples right now!
No!

is the decided answer from my Owner. Which arouses me very much. Ah, He's still here and He is watching. He's watching me. I can feel His presence, His glance resting upon me. Then i surrender. Peace comes over me and i look straight into the camera. A smile upon my face.

To be continued......

Faith by Master Touch

And oh my, how dó i crave the cane after talking on messenger with my Master yesterday evening........

Orgastic creature (Fragments of our meeting)

Photographs by David Samson; Bliss & Belonging

The smile, ecstasy and devotion on her face. Those expressions you also could read on my face when i was with my Owner last wednesday. In the train i already felt fluid, like wax in His hands. Craving pain and total surrender. Terribly excited, that intensified this craving. Amazed about the orgastic creature in which i seemed to be transformed. From the very beginning of this meeting i was already heavily under my Owners influence (subspace) so therefore this post consists of fragments. Little pieces moonstone that shines in my memory.

Naked, kneeling in the cellar i wait. Footsteps above my head. My heart that jumps as i hear descending footsteps on the stairs. Closed eyes, proud i-am-Yours posture. The collar that He buckles on warms my heart. A chain connected with the collar, which i have to put in motion. Therefore i move my body to and fro so that the cellar is filled with soft jingling. I feel a bit silly. Moving to and fro. His hands in my hair, pushing me, bending me face down.
A sharp pain scratching my back, not feeling as pain but giving me goose-bumps from pleasure. The contented voice of my Owner when counting. His fingertips on my skin.

"Ten beautiful red lines on your back mo."

His cock deep in my mouth, but quickly pulled back from my greedy mouth. Too greedy.

I've forgotten to ask T. what made those beautiful lines. It wasn't a knife 'cause there were more sharp points at the same time.

Tied up on the slavechair. The one that spread your legs. Blindfolded. T. is making a breastbondage. Tight. He pulls the rope, thin cord this time. Dizzy in the head. Does He notice my struggling? A bondage doesn't hurt, but i have this strange thing. It scares me sometimes. Breasts that change colors. So i don't have to see it. No idea why. But i am blindfolded, so why this sweating and dizzyness in the head? T. is nearby, talking to me. Concentrated, intently He is binding me. I focus on His hands, His scent, His voice. I don't want to become unwell, by which this will stop. I manage to banish my feelings of fear and relax. A victory. My breasts tightly bonded. Rope pulling them up and a bit forward because the rope is attached to a chain that hangs from the ceiling a bit further away. I'm sure this looks ingenious. Pegs on my breasts, nipples and labia. Because of the spreaded legs, T. can easily reach everything. Clamps pulling my labia parted. A beating upon my cunt. Flat handed. My cunt starts to glow. Orgastic creature comes just like that. His fingers deep in me, His hand. Again he leads me to an orgasm, and again. A toy in His hands. The laughter in His voice humiliating me makes me happy.

The sling in which i lie swings softly. This feels great. T. fucking me, beating me, fucking me, beating.... He smacks my cunt on which i can bear a lot. He smacks me hard. A swollen cunt thrilling me. Intoxication. He uses me. His fucktoy.

My head hanging backward, i have Him in my mouth. He pushes deep and i have to surpress a feeling to heave. It feels like floating in a sling. T. sitting upon me, taking care of my cunt with the cane and the whip. Than, for just a second, i don't know exactly how or what, He is sitting upon my face taking my breath away.

Streched out over the vaulting buck. Blow after blow. Alternating hard, soft, tickling. Which confuses me, making it more difficult to count the cane blows. The dull deep pain from the cane, the intensely fierce pain from the whip, the soft tickling from the horsehair flogger. But the tickling feels as fire upon my tormented, glowing bum. Blow after blow. How many exactly i can't remember. Red welts, glowing skin and a contented Owner. Today, a week later, i still feel the dull pain in my bum, a pity the welts were disappeared the next day. More i want, much more. Kneeling on the floor, against Him, pushing my face in His skin. He hold me tight, strokes my hair. I don't get more.

T. streched out upon a leather furnished table. I stand at the foot doing my utmost best to please Him. Giving Him what He desires. Stroking, tickling, softly squeezing his skin, meanwhile sucking. I suck Him in deep, than playfully release Him. I concentrate on his reactions. His slut that wanna please her Owner as if her life depends on it. The greatest reward i get on the end as i may drink Him en T. looks at me smiling.

"This was very sub-dignified mo."

Like music these words from Him. And i, insatiable submissive, once more longing for Him, craving his pain.

The lull before the storm

Hastily i walk to the railwaystation, my thoughts still filled with my work from this morning. I'm glad that my Owner already has bought my ticket so that we won't miss our train. I send Him a message that i'm already waiting on the platform. Seven minutes before the train will leave. Jumpy i look around me to find my Owners face between all those waiting people. Not even a glimpse. As the train arrives i become even more jumpy. Another message for my Owner; do i have to wait or do i have to get in the train? Perhaps He isn't here yet. Searching but i don't see Him as the people start to get in the train. How he does it, i don't know, but i (almost) never see Him walking towards me. He just suddenly stands next to me, a huge smile on His face. We welcome each other and get in the train.
I am so happy to meet my Owner again, it was too long ago. The train is moving and i am talking. Or else; i am jabbering away. As ever in the beginning of our meeting and i have to let go the daily stuff so i can enter our dark magical universum. Now and then T. asks some questions or He completes my story, but He let me jabbering away for awhile. Suddenly there is this man standing next to us, indicating a strip opaque plastic on top of the window. There is written --> Silence. Do we know that we're in the silence compartiment? Ehm, we didn't. In fact i'd never heard of the silence compartiment. Amusing sparkles in Masters eyes as He put his finger against his lips. Shhhhhhht. He knows how difficult this is for me. Sometimes He tells me that perhaps He'll place a peg on my tongue as i chatter too much. T. gives me a parcel of paper to read. Our mutually mails in which we evaluate our relationship after a year, where you can read how we have grown together. Where we described our dark fantasies to each other and how we can realize these fantasies. Exploring the possibilities to go further. Not one step, but a lot. Strange to read those intimate mails as a little book. I giggle, it's also strange to read these horny, imaginative words in a silence compartiment. People drowned in their thoughts. Where do they dream about? T. observes me while i read, i feel his eyes upon me. His hands on my legs, sensing, pinching. It's time to change over.

A quiet place in the back of the compartiment, first class. I'm settled down so plain reality has been pushed backwards. As i look T. in his eyes i can feel how much i belong to Him and i surrender myself to this intense feeling. He kisses me profoundly and butterflies are put in motion. I push my nose in his neck and inhale deeply. I wanna intoxicate myself with his scent. His soft cheek against my skin awakens the girl that constantly wants to give Him little kisses everywhere. But all too soon the craving slut in me push the girl aside. In the presence of my Owner i'm always in an aroused state. Sometimes i'm a little embarrassed by my slutty behavior. Meanwhile T. kissing me and his hands wandering under my skirt. Automatically i spread my legs. It's a pleasant surprise as T. finds out that i cut off the seat (crotch? please point me out, thank u) of my pantyhose. So He has free acces to my cunt. He wasn't expecting this because of the cold weather. For a moment He pushes his fingers deep inside me and denominate my horniness.
"Oh my such a terrible slut you are girl. Soaking wet."
I love it as He talks to me this way and at the same time i am ashamed of my wetness. He grabs something out his briefcase and places 4 pegs on my labia. One peg is placed on a very sensitive spot and i surpress a shriek. Than my Owner begins to finger me heavily, i bend repeatedly under his hands, afraid to make a sound. Suppose people further on in the compartiment will notice what is going on. In no time i orgasm heated and in silence. T. grabs my breasts and squeeze them hard, really hard. He places my hand on his crotch and i can feel thru his trousers how excited He is. He enjoys it to tap against the pegs, moving them, till they vibrate softly leading me to another orgasm. Not totally in silence this time i think. I whisper how aroused i am, that Hé is turning me into this craving slut. A slut whois giving herself shamelessly, even in public places. He awakened this insolence. Says she giggling and somewhat embarrassed, i wasn't this slutty ever before Master. I am was always a scaredy-cat concerning naughty games in public, but when T.'s with me it seems that i dare everything. I trust Him, He protects me.
"Yeah sure, never before?"
He grabs my cunt, squeezes firmly, pulls the pegs and again i come heavily. After this i have to tell Him loud and clear (oh how this makes me feel small) how many times i did orgasm in these 15 minutes. As we wait for the doors to get out the train He looks me in my eyes.
"Soaking wet."
I giggle, feeling very small, taking his hand. This is going to be an intense afternoon, i feel i can take a lot of pain and i know that He will give me that.
"A terrible slut mo, that's what you are."